Can we all agree?

That this guy is a douche?

Die Scotty McCreery. DIE.

"So, there you go."

Thoughts on this week's episode of The Challenge: Cut(My)throat -

• Awesome part 1: Batshit crazy Katie!!! Gawddam, I love this little psycho. And I felt so bad for her when her team sent her into the Gulag instead of useless, annoying Theresa. I'm glad Katie lived to fight (and beat/scream down bitches) another day.
• Awesome part 2: After Katie (rightfully) flipped the f*ck out on Ty for being a mysogonistic, hypocritical asshole, Derrick's response regarding Ty and Emily getting a taste of Katie's crazy - "So...there you go."
• Awesome part 3: The Red Team won this week so Brandon didn't have to go into the Gulag.

• My obsession with Johnny Bananas' hair week #3: I'm truly trying to rack my brain to remember if Bananas always had such whack, fake looking hair and I just ignored it. But I don't recall it ever being this bad - Hair Club For Men lookin', flat-ironed weirdness.

• Awesome part 4: Bananas got punched in the face by a Czech citizen. Thank you brave man whoever you are!
• Awesome part 5: "Medium" Easy whipped dumb Vinnie's ass in the Gulag! And then Vinnie was so mad about it that he acted like a little whiner afterwards. Now, I hope that the rest of the Blue team (minus loyal Derrick and Katie) step up and appreciate the good that Easy brings to their team. Send Bananas into the Gulag you dumbasses!

• Horrible Laurel and her hate-filled spew towards Erik was easily one of the grossest things I've ever seen on this show. Laurel is a digusting mess, who has some SERIOUS mental health issues.

Above: Laurel keepin' it classy in the hot tub.
Who needs mixed drinks when you can just mix your own directly in your mouth?!

Spencer Pratt - Craziest douchebag of all time?

Is this the face of someone sane? Good LORD! What is wrong with Spencer Pratt? I seriously think that he might be bi-polar and definitely needs to be on some sort of psychopharmacological treatment plan.

I'm afraid of what he'll do now that The Hills is off the air and his dumb, fucked up wife Heidi Montag has left him. And after last week's antics with the MTV finale party for the show, and the fact that Pratt is now calling himself an "artist" (that owns an easel and everything!), I'm worried for the safety of you know, like America.

30 years from now, how are we going to explain the existence of Spencer Pratt to our children and grand-children?

Big Brother Season 12 - Get to know the House Guests

Whoa. How can it already be time for another season of Big Brother to start up again? 2010 is moving fast. But here we are in July, with another dose of my favorite TV crack waiting to be administered on July 8.
For the past 9 seasons Allison Groder and the other producers have tried to cram "twists" down our throats to keep things "unexpected" in the game. Some of these antics have worked better than others, but this season they're going with having a mole, sorry, a "saboteur" in the house that will be tasked with messing things up for their fellow houseguests. Now, I'm really hoping that unlike Season 8 with Eric being "America's Player", that this saboteur isn't affected by the votes of the other HGs so that they're not voted off too soon. Will it be like The Mole where the all of the HGs know that one among them is this traitor, so that everyone's off guard right from the beginning? If in fact the mole is voted off early on, will BB choose another HG to take over? Inquiring minds!

I finally took some time to review Season 12's cast. And of course I have opinions.
First impressions:
SO MUCH pre-hate for Annie. Her favorite BB contestant is Evel Dick? Uh, no. We’re done here.

Andrew, on paper seems like the kind of guy that I usually fawking hate. But I said the same thing about Jeff last season and I ended up loving him.

They cast Enzo strictly because he fits the Bayonne, NJ Guido “Jersey Shore” stereotype. *eyeroll* Although it amused me to no end that his favorite all-time BB player is Season 1 Justin. WTF?!

Brendon. Hmm. Cute and doesn’t seem too douchey, and has a Ph.D. in biometric physics. But when asked to use 3 adjectives to describe himself, one of the ones he used was “intelligible” which gave me pause. Did he really mean to describe himself as someone who is easily understood, or is he one of those assholes who just throws words out in conversation trying to sound smarter than he is? If it’s the former than I might end up loving this guy.

I want to like Kathy. She’s my age, seems sort of kick-ass (she’s a sheriff deputy), seems to love BB and know its history, and has survived cancer (which I hope is the excuse for her fugly hair) so seems to be ready for anything. I hope to hell she doesn’t end up being a shrill harpy.

Kristen. I am wary of anyone who claims to be “misunderstood by strangers”. This almost always means – PSYCHO BITCH

Matt seems like guys that I’m friends with, and is one of my top picks for being this season’s “Mole”. I also thought what he said about Dr. Will and his favorite BB player was very astute: "Since the beginning I've liked Will, but his strategy would never work anymore. People play the game too much now. So, I'd have to go with Dan as my favorite."

I hope to hell that Monet ends up being as cool as she seems from her profile. But I’ve been burned before.

Lane is your typical BB cast big dumb jock. He seems nice though. But that’s what I thought about Jesse when I read his bio and we all know how that turned out.

Hayden is another stereotypical BB houseguest. I hope he’s cuter in real life than in his photo. His hair could bug.

Britney Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Rachel has VERY UNFORTUNATE hair and seems like a Vegas whore. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

And finally we have Ragan who methinks is the token “gay” of this season (West Hollywood represent!). He’s also AWESOME. (at least from his profile) So this means that he’ll probably lose because the people I like never win (Will and Jordan are exceptions). He's another candidate for the mole but he almost seems too obvious a choice.

Here we go folks.

Thank you Tomas Berdych!

For giving me this image -

It will be the first time since 2002 that I won't have to see Federer's smug mug and annoying brow bones in a Wimbledon final. Now, if I can get a Rafa Nadal/ Novak Djokovic final on Sunday, one of my tennis fantasies (minus some of the locker room action with me) will be fulfilled.

I'm crossing all of my digits for my boyfriend Novak to beat Berdych in the semi-finals which feels wrong since I'm so excited today for Berdych. But you know, it's Novak.

Yeah, you get it.

Hey! Lighten up San Miguel County

Wondering what Val Kilmer's been doing lately? Other than a cameo in Magruber? Well, he's also been fighting his dumbass neighbors in New Mexico, as he tries to turn his ranch house into a bed & breakfast.
Seems as though the residents in the small county of San Miguel took offense to some things that Kilmer may (or may not) have said about New Mexicans and Vietnam vets?

Their anger and hysterics are all very silly. I mean really? They're made because Val (allegedly) said that 80% of the people that live in his county are drunks? And the county attorney backed these irrational (and probably drunk) lunatics up by saying that Kilmer's words "created a clear and present danger threatening public safety." ? WTF? Calm down and let the man have his permit to open his B&B! He needs the money for a decent hair cut.

Eddie Cibrian - How CBS avoided his "show killer" curse

My love for Eddie Cibrian is no secret. I've even given he and Leann Rimes a pass for all of their affair shenanigans, and defended Eddie's behavior with his soon-to-be ex wife, because she's such a slag and you can kind of understand why he left her for Leann in the first place.

ANYWAY, one of the most interesting things about Eddie Cibrian is his professional reputation as a show killer. Cibrian ranks right up there with the king and queen, Ted McGinley and Paula Marshall, as an actor that is brought in to a project, only to have that tv show or movie go south right afterwards.
But producers and networks keep giving him a chance! It's amazing, but sort of understandable - the man is great looking and only gets better with age; he can do comedy, romance, and drama; and he's a decent actor. And I know I can't be the only person out there that will tune in to a show just because he's on it.
Case in point - CSI: Miami. I HATE this show. The #1 reason why? David Caruso as Horatio Crane. I can't stand Caruso as an actor, and the Crane character is one of the most ridiculously irritating ever written. But sure enough, when Eddie Cibrian joined the cast last year, I found myself recording episodes of CSI:Miami. And kind of, sort of enjoying them. SIGH...

Oh well, CBS has taken care of this issue for me by letting Cibrian out of his contract and getting rid of his CSI character. It's still not determined how they're going to write him off the show. Will they kill him or leave open any opportunities for him to come back?

I think the real reason CBS made this decision is that they were worried that the power of the Cibrian show killer curse would strike again. The ratings for all of the CSI franchise have been going down over the last year or two.

Don't worry Eddie. I still have at least two of your Lifetime tv movies to keep me company this month.

The Real World/Road Rules Challenge - a story of addiction told in pictures

Once again my guiltiest of guilty pleasures has sucked me back in for another season. This time these fame-whore, human petri dishes are destroying some nice place in the woods of British Columbia. What is it about this show that keeps me coming back? It's certainly not the "challenges" which are seriously super lame; and it's not the host TJ Lavin, the biggest stoner on the planet. Does the dude to the left seem like a dynamic tv host? 'Cause he's not. Is this all TJ does now? Is he still a "professional BMX racer" whatever that is?

So if it's not the structure of the show itself, or the host, could it be the cast? You can't call them contestants really, because although there is a monetary prize, these aren't your typical game players, even under reality tv standards.

Yes, as deplorable and disgusting as most of these arseholes are, I find them wildly entertaining. Let's take a look at some of them:

First, I can't talk about the Challenge without talking about Kenny Santucci. Although there were several Challenge seasons televised before Kenny made a strong first impression showing up on the scene in the original "Fresh Meat" competition, he's quickly established himself as MTV's go-to guy for this ridiculous show. I unabashedly and without shame adore Kenny. And when he almost went home this week (in only the 2nd ep of the season!) I was really sad. But hopefully he and Landon can put past differences aside and work together to take control again.

Speaking of Landon. I now pronounce you Husband and Bear.

Sigh...I love Landon to distraction. The dimples, the body of course, his weird high-pitched mid-western accented voice, his sexual charisma that manages to be super-hetero and ambiguously gay at the same time. If Landon is in a Challenge I will always be cheering for him to win, which surprisingly he has not done yet. It's your time baby! Even if you are saddled with big dumb Carley as a partner.

Speaking of dumb, one of this season's mini-serial dramas involves new Fresh Meat girl Theresa, who's paired up with token gay alumn Ryan. Theresa started drama the first night in the house when she got wasted and came on strong to Kenny, propositioning and declaring her lust for him before she'd even been playing the game 24 hours. Kenny turned her offer of sex down. Which she took like a trouper. immediately turning her charms on pasty asshole Wes who gladly agreed to be boot-knockin' buddies with her. Let's take a direct quote from her shall we? "Being considered the 'hot girl' is really awkward. All the guys are very good looking so it's kinda fun. But then again it could be a bad thing". You think?

Ok, first up, who the hell said you were the "hot girl"? You're cute (sort of, I guess) but there are a lot better looking girls in this season's competition, and certainly in the history of the show. Second, your boy crazy ways are going to f*ck you in this game, rookie. And that doesn't bode well for Ryan. Can the cute gay boy ever catch a break in this game?

Finally, you chose Wes? You call this fugly ginger hot? Not only is he a psychopathic loose cannon, he's also insanely competitive and jealous of Kenny, who stole Wes's fiance (the gorgeous, but stupid Johanna). Now Wes has hooked up with Theresa and doesn't yet know that she was Kenny's reject and that he was 2nd choice. Oh, Wes. I'll be seriously disappointed if this king douche wins another Challenge. Especially if Kenny and Landon don't make it to the finals. Now, I have to get back to my tv watching.

Reality TV catch-up: early April 2010

America's Best Dance Crew - the fifth season ended with a deserving final 2, but with the wrong crew crowned champion in my humble opinion.

While Poreotix were awesome little poppin' and lockin' munchkins, Montreal's Blueprint Cru totally deserved to win and were totally robbed of the championship. I think they absolutely suffered from the fact that Canadians couldn't vote, and the fact that a lot of the kids that watch/vote ABDC are strangely loyal to the West coast crews. They've been victorious for most, if not all of the seasons. Check out Sling.com's blog post about the show - they love ABDC even more than I do.

Amazing Race Season 16 - Who knew that I'd end up cheering the most for the two teams of brothers?! Seriously, I don't care who wins this season. I really hope that Jeff and Jordan are at the finale party (TARcon) in NYC next month.

Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat 2 - oh my God this show! Every season gets more fawking ridiculous. But I still can't help watching and loving the hell of these dumbasses! It could have something to do with the big galoomp above right here - I love me some Kenny. No matter how misogynistic, scheming, dastardly, and douchey he gets, I always love him; it's because he's in on his own joke - he totally embraces how ridiculous he is and he doesn't care. God love him.

Project Runway - As usual I looked at and over analyzed the 2010 Fashion Week collections back in February trying to determine who was a real finalist and who was a decoy collection. I guessed pretty well, totally having predicted this season's top 4.

I really really really want Seth Aaron to win, but I also wouldn't mind Jay. Despite his ENORMOUSLY inflated ego, I've liked almost all of the work Emilio has done this season but his fashion week collection is so damn lame. Like "Meredith Viera shops at Chico's" boring. And I hate everything about Mila's point of view so bleh. Which means that she'll probably win the whole thing.

Seriously, except for Jay McCarrol's win in the first season (and somewhat Sibilia's S3 controversial win), I've never been truly satisfied with any of the PR ultimate winners.

Go Seth Aaron FTW!

And now back to my reality tv addiction...

Celebrity Rehab 3:

VH1 TV Shows Music Videos Celebrity Photos News & Gossip

I swear to God. If I saw Kari Ann Peniche on the street I would run up and punch her right in the mouth. I know that's a horrible thing to say, especially about someone who has been SO DAMN DAMAGED by sexual and verbal abuse and drugs, but good lord, she's a horrible human being. As much as I love Dr. Drew and his reality tv programs, if this bitch shows up on another one making things miserable for everybody, I will stop watching his shows altogether.
Ok, who am I kidding? That's not true, I'm addicted. I need my own 12-step program to get out from under the powerful hold that crap reality television has over me.

I meant it about wanting to punch Peniche in the face though.

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villians

Once again I'm only half-assed watching this season of Survivor because I'm in the office pool (last season which I won). I actually like this mix of past season All-Stars for the most part. But I have a question? Y'all, what is it about Parvati Shallow (suitable last name) that makes people lose their damn common sesnse?

She's not that pretty. She isn't. She has a cute figure I guess, but not anything special. And she has that annoying Valley girl-hippie chick voice and an even more annoying manipulative streak. Watching married and supposed "master manipulator" himself Russell Hantz, playing footsie, giggling and flirting with Parvati this past week was totally gross. And even though practically everyone on her team agrees that she's a threat and has some sort of scary dangerous hypnotic power in her bikini-clad ass, they all decided to keep her in favor of getting rid of odious Randy. It's dumb moves like that that will have people rooting for her to win because she outplayed your foolish asses.

The Amazing Race 16:

I love Jeff and Jordan, but omigawd they have to stop being so stupid or they're going to get themselves eliminated. I loved how Jeff told Jordan that they shouldn't reproduce because they're so dense. Hee hee

The difference between Kathryn Bigelow and James Cameron

It would be too easy to say - "She's classy, he's a douche", and be done with it.

But there's more to it than that. I've been thinking about this since before this past Sunday's Golden Globes because I thought it was very interesting that Kathryn Bigelow and James Cameron were up against each other in the directing category.

See, Bigelow and Cameron used to be married for a brief time. You know, after he left then wife, agent/producer Gale Anne Hurd; and before he turned around and had an affair with his Terminator star Linda Hamilton. He then married Hamilton, had a kid with her and then divorced her after having an affair with his current wife, actress Suzy Amis, who starred in Titanic.

See a pattern here?

Anyway, I don't really care about all of Cameron's lady troubles or divorces, I'm just trying to explain what was swirling in my head as I thought about Best Director category on the Globes on Sunday. A couple of days before Bigelow had won the prize at the Critics' Choice Awards for her amazing The Hurt Locker. Pretty much for the past decade the director who's taken home this prize has gone on to win the Oscar, so it was understandable that Cameron opened up his acceptance speech at the Globes saying that he thought that Bigelow was going to win.

Oh if he had only stopped there. Instead he went into full-throttle pompous ass mode. First by paying tribute to his current wife (the aforementioned Amis, who I actually totally love even if she did leave awesome Sam Robards for lame Cameron) while holding the award that he'd just beat his former wife for; and then going on to actually speak part of his speech in Na'vi, a language he made up!

Through it all Kathryn just kept on smiling and/or sharing humorous glances with a seemingly drunk/bored Jeremy Renner. I mean the whole Amis praise thing probably would've hurt more if he'd still been married to Hamilton who he left Bigelow for; and Bigelow has a lot of other amazing things going for her right now. Her movie The Hurt Locker has been universally praised as not only one of the best of the year but of the decade. And although Cameron is gaining momentum that I'm afraid might sway Oscar voters, I still think Bigelow has a great chance at a win there.

And? Even though she's 3 years old than Cameron? TOTALLY hotter than him and aging better than any of his wives.

Celebrity Apprentice

Ok, something that you should know off the top - I HATE Donald Trump. Seriously, if I saw him on the streets of NYC, I would weigh the pros/cons about kicking him in the nuts.

And generally I have hated the Apprentice franchise that NBC has been running into the ground for the past decade. I haven't watched the show since the 2nd season (except for the one season that Martha Stewart did), and the clips I have seen over the years on The Soup or other various "news" shows have been ridiculous and not in a good way.

But last season's celebrity addition seemed to be quite over-the-top and like a bad fever dream in the best possible way; what with Joan and Melissa Rivers being well, themselves, and Clint Black making a commercial where he simulated masturbating with laundry detergent? Ummm, yeah. Anyway, last year's celebrity edition has seemed to have resuscitated the series and it has a new lease on life.

The proof? Check out TWoP's link to get a gander at the celebrity contestants for Season 3. Brett Michaels and his bad wig? Rob Blagojevich and his bad hair? Sharon Osbourne who always brings a tinge of the crazy but is an insanely good business woman? Cyndi Lauper (love her)? Hottie chef Curtis Stone? Sinbad!?

Count me in people!

You're ON NOTICE, Angelina's dad!

Actor Jon Voight was the master of ceremonies at a Republican fundraiser dinner held yesterday. Newt Gingrich was the keynote speaker at the event that pretty much seems like it was dedicated to bashing President Obama and the Democratic party. I kind of expect all of this bullshit out of the mouths of Gingrich and Senator Mitch McConnell, but Jon Voight? Hustler Joe Buck? Crippled 'Nam vet Luke Martin? Conrack?

Here's just a sampling of some of the vile nonsense that Voight opened the evening with:

"We are becoming a weak nation," said Voight, calling Obama a "false prophet." Republicans need to find their way back to power to free the nation from "this Obama oppression". We are moving towards a Socialist era that America has never seen before and our great country is weakening in every way."

Dude! No wonder your daughter isn't speaking to you or letting you see your grandkids - you're a freakin' nutjob!

For the love of Gladys Kravitz

Most people who know me know that children aren't my favorite things. I have purposely not had any kids because I find them really annoying.

So imagine my chagrin when I discovered last summer that I was moving into a neighborhood that had a plethora of humans under the age of 16. No joke - there are at least 35 kids between the ages of 2 and 14 that live within a 3 block radius of my house. And I live a half block away from a park, and 4 blocks away from an elementary school. So basically I'm fucked.

This past year I've had to deal with the horrible raspy sounds of skateboards, razor scooters, big wheels, wagons, trikes etc; little people tearing off stalks of my bamboo to use as swords; that summertime creeptastic ice cream truck "music" playing every warm night; young boys pretending the key pad lock on my house was a secret agent spy thing and accidentally (astonishingly) figuring out my actual lock code and opening my door while I wasn't home(!); and just in general the constant sound of laughter and joyful screaming that I'm sure some people find charming but I HATE.

I've complained about these things with my fellow childless neighbors hoping to get some sympathy and have been met with fairly unsympathetic shoulder shrugs and head shakes. And as this summer approaches and the sun sets later, all of these activities are increasing and threatening to drive me crazy.

Tonight I reached my limit and went into full-on Gladys Kravitz mode. Two boys around 8 years old or so kept on walking up and down the block gathering various branches and long sticks for God knows what. All of a sudden they stopped in front of one of the elm trees in my part of lawn. Our young trees all have support posts that they're tied to, to you know, SUPPORT them. I watched in horror as these kids untied the twine holding the post to the tree and then preceded to rock the post back and forth until they wrenched it out of the ground!!

I was out of my house and racing around the corner within a minute screaming at the kids to put my post back. Meanwhile one of the kids' mothers who was sitting on her porch came down to the sidewalk and started yelling at me to stop yelling at her son. And it. Was. ON!

Needless to say I don't think I'm one of the favorite ladies in the neighborhood now.

Good job MTV!

Each season of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge gets worse and worse but I still keep getting sucked in!
Maybe it's because watching all of these douches on my tv makes me feel so much better about myself. Or maybe it's because of little gems like watching CT go absoFAWKINGapeshit on Adam because of a stupid "Three's Company" like misunderstanding.
Just watch the video; and understand that this minute and a half of footage is so tame compared to the rest of what went down during the fight. And it's made all the funnier because of little touches like the fact that Adam was fighting while wearing adult-sized footie pajamas with playing cards embroidered on them. It rarely gets better than that.

VIDEO: It’s The Return Of CT’s Violent Temper!

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Oh, and I almost forgot - SHUT UP DIEM!

More a$$holes I hate this week...

Is John Thain, former jack-off CEO of Merrill Lynch, a recovering burn victim orsomething? I don't see anything in his Wikipedia page that indicates as such but Gah! he's scary looking . Why is the skin on his head so plastic? And why do the planes of his face look like they've been scuplted out of silly putty?

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Gawd, people suck.