Good grammar. It's what's for breakfast!

I've found a kindred spirit in Allie Brosh and her blog Hyperbole and a Half. Go read it. NOW! Start with this awesome post from April 2010 where she complains brilliantly about the common (and aggravating) grammar mistakes people use while commenting/blogging/farting around on the Internet etc. It's like she shares a brain with me; for reals.

The posts about her two dogs are also really f*cking hilarious. Ms. Brosh is also cute as a button (see photo in FAQ), which is just ridiculously unfair.

Stop F*cking Up the Holiday Season, KRWM!

I've ranted about this before, but it bears being complained about again. The Seattle radio station that I use as my alarm clock wake up, "WARM" 106.9, changes their format from adult contemporary to Holiday music every year in November.
But pretty soon I'm afraid that they'll just give in altogether and start the Christmas music as soon as Halloween is over. This year KRWM began playing their "all holiday hits, all the time" play lists the day after Veteran's Day. The fact that I had to wake up to Andy Williams singing about "the most wonderful time of the year" before we were even two weeks into November enraged me to no end.
I try to follow a strict "no holiday music before Thanksgiving" rule with my own personal collections, and this has already been tested this year because the singing group that I'm in has already been practicing the pieces for our holiday concert on December 18. But I was sort of able to compartmentalize this is my head and not think of those songs as Christmas music.
But I can't control all of the stuff going on around me and it's annoying me. It's not only the radio that I have to contend with - grocery stores, clothing stores (shame on you Banana Republic!), movie theater lobbies are all playing holiday music. iTunes is torturing me with enticements of free MP3s of new holiday pop songs, and advertising the hell out of the Glee Christmas album (goddammit! I won't pre-order it no matter how much you tempt me with the adorable Chris Colfer and Darren Criss singing Baby It's Cold Outside. But I'm only human, please stop!)
I'm already not looking forward to the 2010 holiday season for a myriad of personal reasons. And I LOVE Christmas music and rely on it putting me in a better mood. But if the world around me insists on smothering me with holiday good cheer this early on, I'm afraid that by the time Christmas actually rolls around I'll be on the verge of embarking on a homicidal rampage where everyone in my vicinity will feel my wrath.
Prepare yourselves Seattle.

Linky link - Early summer 2010 edition

• One of my biggest pet peeves is denim shorts on anyone above the age of 12. I HATE jean shorts, be they cut-off or hemmed, long or short, fitted or loose. "The Sassy Curmudgeon", Una LaMarche, has a great story about jean shorts on the Huffington Post this week.

• I'm so secretly excited about this upcoming premier season of The Real Housewives of D.C. And not only because it's my home town.

• All of this Jake and Vienna break-up nonsense has been so amusing, but none of it more awesome than all of the "Jake is gay" rumors that have resurfaced. And all of the interviews where Jake keeps swearing he's not gay! I personally don't think he is; I wouldn't want to have sex with Vienna either...

• Okay, I loved The Mole when it was on ABC, so I'm cautiously optimistic about this latest Big Brother season twist.

• Why can't it just be September already!!! I love Jonny Lee Miller so much.

Glee Season 1 finale

Sigh...well it's over. And even though I have the summer reruns to keep me company, I'll still have a gaping hole because my Tuesday nights won't have Glee to fill it.





I am a big fan of this show, but I’ll be the first to admit that this first season has been wildly erratic with transcendent highs (anything with Burt Hummel loving his gay son, Gaga, Madonna, Groff/Menzel) and painful lows (most of the “lesson” episodes, Matthew Morrison “rapping”). I’ve had to defend Glee on more than one occasion and I hope that Ryan Murphy and the writers take this time off to really tap into the show’s potential greatness, and not let it become a cliché of itself.


Here are some things that have been on my mind for the past 14 hours regarding last night's finale:

1. Journey super-fan that I am, I really enjoyed the medley of songs that the McKinley kids performed at regionals. Including the always awesome fave "Lovin', Touchin', & Squeezin', and an expanded version of "Don't Stop Believing" that had new solos added for Santana and Puck.

2. The fact that Josh Groban and my beloved Olivia Newton John awesomely and fearlessly acted like total conceited assholes for the joke, and really brought the funny as they played "themselves". Brilliant.

3. Johnathan Groff. And that "Bohemian Rhapsody" performance. First, I think it's kind of great that the writers actually chose to show Vocal Adrenaline performing the full piece (has this show ever had a full song performed on air?); and the way it was juxtaposed with Quinn giving birth was totally crazy and totally worked! And seriously Groff? So damn hot.
4. TV/Movie pet peeve - "newborns" are played by baby actors who are like a year old. I get it but good lord the baby they had playing Beth was GIGANTIC.

5. Shelby's adoption of baby Beth was perhaps the fastest and easiest adoption OF ALL TIME. Even by fake tv standards. I mean I get why they did it for story purposes, but it would've been nice if we'd seen Shelby talk about adopting or had any inkling of this desire prior to the last 10 minutes of this finale.
6. The AMAZEballs rendition of "To Sir With Love" that the New Directions kids did for Mr. Schue. That song gets me every. damn. time. Oh, and Matt and Mike got lines!
7. Dialogue goodness from one Sue Sylvester:

"It looks like a briar patch. I expect racist animated Disney characters to pop out up and start singing songs about livin' on the bayou."

"From Fort Wayne, Indiana, the not at all stupidly named Aural Intensity!"

"I spent large segments of each day picturing you choking on food, and I recently contacted an exotic animal dealer because I had a very satisfying dream that I once shoved your face into one of those pink-inflamed monkey butts."

A little mini rant - Merry Christmas to all...

• Cheesy ads for tired and old celebrity fragrances: Why is it that every holiday season the powers that be drag out the horrible White Diamonds advertisement to torture us? Seriously, who the hell still wears "White Diamonds"?! It smells like cat piss and baby powder and it was first on the market in 1985! The Britney Spears fragrance collection isn't any better; they drag out the old pre-baby Spears ad for Curious or "Inquisitive" or whatever the fuck it's called. Seeing these ads wouldn't irk me so much if they played on a regular rotation throughout the year; but they only play during Christmas/Hannukah. Almost assuredly geared towards hapless men who haven't figured out what to get their wives/girlfriends. Hey guys? Women don't want cheap perfume!
• I hate when UPS/USPS/FedEx etc. promise that a package will be delivered by Christmas Eve and then they don't deliver on that promise.
• If I hear any of the following holiday songs again in the next 12 months I will punch someone: Silent Night, Wonderful Christmastime, Step into Christmas, Feliz Navidad, anything sung by Johnny Mathis.
• I hate being sick at Christmas time. It sucks balls. I have no patience, and no energy to do anything and I have a lot to do. Uggh, is it 2010 yet?

5 Things I know are true - TAR edition

1. The roadblock with the ringing telephones would've unhinged me. I can't stand ringing phones. It's such a horrible sound. Especially old school rotary phones. But I will say one thing. If I did have to suffer through that torture I certainly would've fuckin' figured out that the letters were an anagram for "Franz" as in KAFKA, one of the 20th century's most famous writers!! WTF?! How did no one recognize this? How was Big Easy there for almost 3 hours(!) before giving up and taking a 4 hour penalty? The only person I may give a small pass to is Brian who was drunk on absinthe. And he figured it out before anyone else anyway. Sigh.
2. Gay brothers Sam and Dan are ASSHOLES!!!!!!!!!! I understand that it's a race for a million $$. And I'm not saying that Dan should've given Big Easy the answer at the Roadblock...except yes I am. If Dan didn't want to share information he shouldn't have agreed to do so. Making that deal with the Globetrotter and then being a colossal dick when he lucked out with the answer (he certainly never harnessed enough brain power to figure out that the word was the first name of a famous author) was a totally bogus move, race or not. And don't get me started on the cab thing with Meghan and Cheyne. I totally defended the brothers last week when they took Brian and Ericka's cab because it's a race and really it was the cab driver that made the final assy decision to leave with the brothers. But to then have the tables turned with Meghan and Cheyne trying to, politely I might add, get the brothers' cab and for them to again be such assholes makes me want to kick them right in the nuts. And they really need to stop whining and yelling at each other. I really need Karma to bite these dudes. Sam and Dan better be glad I'm not going to the finale party this year.
3. Drunk Czechs are funny. And annoying. Who knew that the Czech Republic consumes the most beer of any country in Europe. See? Reality tv can teach you something. I have to say that I really enjoyed this "Prague at night" leg of the race.
4. I kind of love Brian and Ericka. Oh my god their beer Detour was so frustrating for them but entertaining for us. But seriously they are really supportive and patient with each other. I would love to see them finish in 2nd place. (see below)
5. Meghan and Cheyne deserve to win this season of The Amazing Race. I find them rather boring but boy have they raced well and more importantly been very consistent and logical.

For the love of Gladys Kravitz

Most people who know me know that children aren't my favorite things. I have purposely not had any kids because I find them really annoying.

So imagine my chagrin when I discovered last summer that I was moving into a neighborhood that had a plethora of humans under the age of 16. No joke - there are at least 35 kids between the ages of 2 and 14 that live within a 3 block radius of my house. And I live a half block away from a park, and 4 blocks away from an elementary school. So basically I'm fucked.

This past year I've had to deal with the horrible raspy sounds of skateboards, razor scooters, big wheels, wagons, trikes etc; little people tearing off stalks of my bamboo to use as swords; that summertime creeptastic ice cream truck "music" playing every warm night; young boys pretending the key pad lock on my house was a secret agent spy thing and accidentally (astonishingly) figuring out my actual lock code and opening my door while I wasn't home(!); and just in general the constant sound of laughter and joyful screaming that I'm sure some people find charming but I HATE.

I've complained about these things with my fellow childless neighbors hoping to get some sympathy and have been met with fairly unsympathetic shoulder shrugs and head shakes. And as this summer approaches and the sun sets later, all of these activities are increasing and threatening to drive me crazy.

Tonight I reached my limit and went into full-on Gladys Kravitz mode. Two boys around 8 years old or so kept on walking up and down the block gathering various branches and long sticks for God knows what. All of a sudden they stopped in front of one of the elm trees in my part of lawn. Our young trees all have support posts that they're tied to, to you know, SUPPORT them. I watched in horror as these kids untied the twine holding the post to the tree and then preceded to rock the post back and forth until they wrenched it out of the ground!!

I was out of my house and racing around the corner within a minute screaming at the kids to put my post back. Meanwhile one of the kids' mothers who was sitting on her porch came down to the sidewalk and started yelling at me to stop yelling at her son. And it. Was. ON!

Needless to say I don't think I'm one of the favorite ladies in the neighborhood now.

Things that are annoying me today

• Why does my company insist on running the A/C when it's 43 degrees outside?! What a waste of fawking money! It's FREEZING in here dammit!
• Why and how is it that my iPod headphones are forever tangled. And not just simple tangles - tangled so badly it's as if some demon fairy has gone and braided the main cord and little Y-cords. WTF? All I did was place the iPod in my bag, or my pocket, or on my desk for crissakes! How does the cord get so fawked up?!
• F-off Starbucks drive through on MLK way! Who designed this place? Horrible entrance spaces, no sort of direction or signage to indicate where you're supposed to place your order versus pay for it. Having to go to 3 separate places in the drive-through before you get your cup-'o-joe? F'in annoying!
• F! U! Center for Medicare and Medicaid Services. No, not for anything that's connected to my job, but for messing up my dad's benefits this week. WHAT A HASSLE I'm dealing with having to get shit corrected. Grrrrrrrrr...

Pet Peeves con'td

Things that have bothered me this week -

People in HUGE ass cars that park in spaces marked "Compact":

Example #1 - My friends Dan and John own a condo that came with two parking spaces. Their extra one that they let guests use is labeled for compact cars as are the spaces on either side of it. About 6 months ago their neighbor decided to rent out their extra space right next to John and Dan's. While it seems a little shady to rent a space to someone who doesn't even live in your building, that's not my problem with this. My problem is that the dude who rents the compact space drives a gigantic Chevy Suburban! And has the nerve to complain if someone parked in the adjoining space doesn't give him enough room to open his door to get out! What. A. Dick.

Example #2 - The parking lot surrounding my building at work has a plentitude of parking. But people being lazy like they are, of course try and get one of the 40 or so spaces that are very close to the building entrances. Several of these 40 spaces are marked for specific types of cars - vanpool, carpool, visitor, compact. It never fails - if I park my compact car in one of these compact spaces, when I get back to my car to go home there is a BIG HONKIN' SUV or extended cab pickup parked in the compact space next to me. Or like today, parked in the compact spaces on either side of me, so that I had to have security make an announcement on the building PA to have the jackass move their gas guzzler so that I could get into my car through a door and not my hatch. Dude with the pathetic faux-hawk who works in Provider Relations? I've got your number a$$hole.

Listen, if you want to own a large vehicle I don't care. But one of the things that comes with having a ginormous car/truck/Canyonero is that you can't park in just any space. You have to take one for the team and park at the far end of the lot. Thems the breaks.

And while we're on this theme, my second gripe tonight is - People who don't know the difference between a Yield sign and a Merge sign:

This thing to the left here? Is a MERGE sign. It's telling you and others on the road with you that traffic from one direction (in this case to the right) will be joining the traffic already moving. With merging, the folks driving on the road that's being entered (aka the thick, straight part of the arrow diagram) have the right-away.

So this other traffic sign to the right, below? This is a YIELD sign. If you see one of these at the end of the road that you're driving as it meets up with a another road? It means that you have to WAIT until the traffic, or pedestrians or whatever in the other road is clear. YOU HAVE TO WAIT!!!

Is it only the lameasses in Seattle that don't know the difference between these two? I swear. The fawkers in this city are going to push me to the brink.

Pet Peeve Commercial - "White Diamonds" Perfume

White Diamonds Commercial

Okay, this commercial was annoying back when it first premiered...in 1987! But's it's even more ridiculous to watch it now in present day.

It's so over the top and over dramatic. "These have always brought me luck." Uggh. And La Liz's hair! It's so tragically 80s. As cheesy as this ad is, it does have a pretty high production value. I've always wondered how much money was thrown down to make this schlock.

For whatever reason, this dated commercial is dusted off every year around the holidays. In the hopes that some sucker that doesn't know what to buy their grandma, mid-western mother, favorite drag queen, will be inspired to run down to the local drug store and buy a bottle of this crap. Let me tell you - it smells AWFUL. Like cat piss mixed with lemon Pledge.

Do yourself a favor folks, enjoy the commercial in an ironic way but do not waste your money on this stuff. Sorry Liz.

You annoy me!

Today, I encountered a bunch of things that bug me to no end. My list of pet peeves continues:

• Short-sleeved dress shirts on men - I suppose occasionally it's okay for a guy to wear one of these (without a tie please!) on a casual Friday at work, but for the most part short-sleeve dress shirts are totally fugly. And wearing a tie with one like my co-worker sported today is unforgivable. You end up looking like Andy Sipowicz from "NYPD Blue". That's not a look you should be striving for.

• Yellow cars - I'm sorry. No matter what the model, yellow cars look ridiculous. They just do.

• Tasseled loafers on men - eh, I don't want to keep excluding the ladies; these are bad on anybody. Loafers with tassels make people's feet look weird and twee. And I've never seen a pair that wasn't horribly unfashionable looking. Just gross. Guess who was wearing a pair of these today at work? Yep, you guessed it - the fashion plate above in the short sleeves and tie! He's special.

• Made-up words in Business - In the past 10 years the professional sector seems to have gone crazy making up words and phrases; changing verbs into nouns and vice versa. It's really annoying how so many of these have been adopted into everyday usage. A harmless example is a word like "networking". But others send me right off the ledge. The one I saw in an email sent from our executive director today was "on-boarding". The hell? Stop it right now.

Pet Peeves List cont'd

• The click-click sound of nail clippers - I hate the sound of clipping nails. I don't even like clipping my own nails. I file them down instead or save the clipping for the beauty salon where I can try to drown the sound out with the whirlpool jets that my feet are soaking in. That metallic clicking goes right through me and sends me into irrational fits of rage if someone is clipping their nails around me. Like what's happening right this minute in the office cubicle across from mine where my coworker is clipping her fingernails while she talks on the phone! I just yelled "STOP IT!" and then quickly looked down and away hoping that she doesn't know it was me. That's the thing - I get super angry about stuff like this but I find a hard time actually approaching people in a constructive way to get them to stop. Grrr...she's still doing it! How many fingers does she f*cking have anyway? Wait, I hope she hasn't moved on to her toenails...am I going to have to do another post here about inappropriate grooming in public? Sigh...

• Magazine subscription postcards - Seriously, has anyone ever actually taken one of these from their US Weekly or Vanity Fair, filled it out and mailed it in? I hate these damn wastes of paper! It's hard enough to find the article I'm looking for without these things getting in my way and falling out all over the place. And why so many of them? I'm not kidding, I was looking through my TV Guide last night and no less than 6, SIX, of these cards fell out as I was trying to figure out what I needed to Tivo for the week. F*ck you TV Guide. And that leads me to another annoying aspect - when they're in magazines that I already have subscriptions for. I don't need these stupid cards! I already got a subscription to your damn magazine using a more efficient method. But you're starting to make me regret this decision, so I'm definitely not going to pass one of these lame cards onto a friend or loved one. I can't imagine that these companies make enough money in subscription sales to offset the production of these cards each month/week etc.

Kat's Pet Peeves

It's time to once again publish my list (my LOOOONNNNGG list) of pet peeves. I'll be doing it a little at a time and adding to it frequently I'm sure. There are other people out there that have done similar lists, and done them better I'm sure, but putting the things that annoy me on here makes me feel better, and is a form of anger management! Here we go...

• People who talk on their cell phones in the bathroom - And I mean any bathroom; public or the one in your bedroom. But of course it's horrifying public restroom cell phone talkers who are the worst! First of all, public restrooms in general have strange acoustics; they are tinny and echoey and people are usually self-conciously trying to pee or poop etc as quietly as possible, so when someone is talking on the phone in there the conversation seems really loud. Second, people (cell phone talker included) are PEEING AND POOPING ETC.! Do you know how uncomfortable it is to be taking care of business while someone in the stall next to you is having a conversation about what they did over the weekend or about the problems they're having with their child's daycare provider? And there's the flushing! Flushing toilets are loud things; especially public toilets. Inevitably the bathroom cellphone talker just ends up yelling over the flush and making things worse. And what must it be like for the person on the other end of the phone? Can you imagine talking to one of your friends hearing maybe the faint sound of urine streaming but ignoring it and then hearing the tell-tale flush sound and knowing - you've been talking to someone who's been using the toilet! YUCK! You gross motherf*cker! People of the world I beg of you - stop doing this!