Wednesday, September 28, 2011


There's a "Newsies" musical on Broadway (ok, off-Broadway, but still) !! And it got great reviews! I want to see it so badly, even if Christian Bale isn't in it.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Some thoughts on "Abduction"

Or should I say ABduction, because Taylor Lautner's chest was out of control in this movie. I know it's cliche and totally pervy for someone my age, old enough to be his mother, to have inappropriate lustful thoughts about Taylor Lautner, but damn he truly is a beautiful specimen of man.

I saw this film on Sunday with a 15 year old teenage girl who appropriately gushed all over Lautner and the movie. She loved it, and if that's the producers' target audience I think they should do well.
And while I was entertained for the 90 minutes, I did have SERIOUS issues with the ridiculous timeline it followed, and I had a hard time ignoring the inconsistencies.So allow me to rant a little.

The folks in this movie live in nice suburban Pennsylvania outside of Pittsburgh. I was actually really excited to see a movie set in this part of the country; I've got family in that area and it really is a great place to live and it was nice to see Pittsburgh get exposure, instead of NYC or even Philadelphia.
Without getting too spoilerish, here's the sequence of events that set off our story of two teens on the run from the CIA and Russian terrorists:
  • Sometime around 6 or 7 in the evening (assumed because it's after school and around dinner time but only sort of dark out) Lautner and Lily Collins' characters fight Russians and watch Lautner's house blow up. They take off on a motorcycle to a hospital to have a cut on Lily's arm patched up.
  • Shenanigans ensue at the hospital, but they were there long enough to get her arm fixed, for him to call 911 and get freaked out by the CIA and then Sigourney Weaver hustles our teens out in her BMW (which by the way was a HUGE sponsor of this movie). I'll be generous and say that this whole post-house explosion hospital stuff only took an hour but either way, when Sigourney drives off with our teens, it's at least 8pm. As she drives them towards the edge of town Weaver instructs them to get their asses to a secret apartment in Arlington, VA and lay low. 
  • Sigourney's car is followed and attacked but the kids jump out in time and start running through the woods. They camp and sleep at the base of a tree. They wake the next morning. Even if we're supposed to believe it's early, at least 9 hours has passed. 
  • The kids then hitch a ride in a 18-wheeler to Arlington; which is a suburb of Washington, D.C., and even if that truck was hauling ass, there's no way that they're making that drive in under 4 hours. So we're now talking a minimum of them being on the run for 13 hours.A minimum.
  • Once in VA they take time to shop for new clothes, shower and change in the apartment and Lautner finds clues about his parents. Again, there's no way they could have done all of this in less than 2 hours, but I'll suspend my disbelief and give them only an hour. But we're definitely talking about the middle of day 2 at this point.
  • The kids find a clue and have to go to a cemetery. Here's where my young companion and I disagreed; I said that the film infers that they drove (in a BMW natch) back to Pittsburgh to go to this cemetery; the teen thinks that the grave was somewhere in Arlington. Either way, afterwards they figure out they have to ditch the car and get to Nebraska, so they arrange a meeting with their high school friend back in Pittsburgh, who gives them fake IDs so that they can continue their journey. Now, either way these kids drove back to damn Pittsburgh from Virginia. Even if Taylor drove 90 mph in the BMW the whole way, it's still taking them a couple of hours at least.
  • The kids then get on an Amtrak train that's magically leaving right away from Pittsburgh to Omaha. Uh huh. One of the Russian bad dudes gets on the train too, and they only manage to make it to Cincinnati before the Russian tries to kill them and instead gets thrown off the train by Taylor, which alerts the CIA and they stop the train and capture Taylor and Lily. Here's one of the main ways the makers of this movie messed up. The train scenes are made to look like they've only been on the train a short time. It would've made more sense for them to have made it to Cleveland, which is near Pittsburgh, rather than Cincinnati which is clear across Ohio in the SW corner, hours away by train.
Once the CIA captures our teen heroes, head agent Alfred Molina utters the line that sent me in a tizzy in the first place - "You guys have been on the run for 22 hours". WHAT?!! Seriously? No fucking way all of this running around and traveling on trains and in automobiles has only taken 22 damn hours! WTF?!
Gah! and don't get me started about the fact that Taylor and Lily then steal a truck and drive BACK TO PITTSBURGH (It would've taken a good 5 hours to drive this!), meet up again with their friend who gets them (last minute VIP) tickets to a Pirates game, where they pull off the climax battle with the head Russian dude, all before dusk. I was seething in my chair.
Of course my teen niece thought I was being ridiculous and told me to "take a chill pill" (um, do they still say this outside of 1987?) but I can't let it go.

Whatever, did I mention that Taylor Lautner and Lily Collins are very pretty?

Shut Up Tuesday!!!

Friday, September 16, 2011


This is the look I've been giving everyone today:

Just so you're forewarned.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Fall TV 2011 - Returning "Favorites"

Just in time for premieres starting this week, let's talk about returning TV shows now -

Returns: September 13 at 10 PM on NBC
Why I’m still watching: I love the Bravermans! They are probably my favorite TV family. And Jason Ritter is back where he belongs after leaving to be on the failed dumb show The Event.

America's Next Top Model
Returns: September 14 at 9 PM on The CW
Why I’m still watching: It's All-Stars time! Transgendered Isis, drunk Lisa, Angelea "From The Block", sweet Laura and other bitches are back for more fighting and runway stomping. I still hate Tyra Banks with every fiber of my being, but damn if she can't produce an addictive show.

The Sing-Off
Returns: September 19 at 8 PM on NBC
Why I’m still watching: Nicole Scherzinger left for The X Factor and singer Sara Barielles has joined the judges panel instead, which should be a good thing because this show already has the good fortune of having the best reality competition judging on television. They're getting a major upgrade from short end-of-the-year filler to a full-on series but I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not - we'll see. Still, an acapella show choir competition? YES!!!!

How I Met Your Mother
Returns: September 19 at 8 PM on CBS
Why I’m still watching: Marshall and Lily's baby will arrive sometime during the season which may or may not ruin things; we presumably find out more about Barney's wedding; maybe we'll finally get an answer to who the fucking mother is?!! Not likely and even though I increasingly HATE Ted, I do still love Marshall and Lily and would happily watch a show that was just about them.

Hawaii Five-0
Returns: September 19 at 10 PM on CBS
Why I’m still watching: Terry O'Quinn is joining the cast! And from the commercials, it's obvious that McGarrett will get off the hook for the governor's murder. This show is like the television equivalent of rice krispy treats. Utterly uncomplicated and nicely tasty.

Returns: September 20 at 8 PM on Fox
Why I’m still watching: I'm one of the few folks out there seemingly (especially above the age of 30) that still finds this show delightful. Sure it has its hits and misses but generally it's one of the most enjoyable parts of my tv watching week. I seriously don't understand some of the criticism it takes. Anyway, I was really sad and a little annoyed to hear that Chord Overstreet wasn't coming back; not because I was particularly enamored with Trouty Mouth, but because his leaving means that we won't get a continued love story between him and Mercedes, which would have been a brave subject for this show to tackle. But I am excited to see how the writers deal with Kurt, Finn and Rachel's senior year. And since I didn't watch The Glee Project I'm interested to see how those kids are written in as well.

Raising Hope
Returns: September 20 at 9:30 PM on Fox
Why I’m still watching: Probably my favorite new show from last year. LOVE Martha Plimpton and Garrett Dillahunt as the funniest grandparents on tv.

Modern Family
Returns: September 21 at 9 PM on ABC
Why I’m still watching: If the Parenthood peeps are my favorite family on a TV drama, the Pritchett-Dunphy clan are my faves in the Comedy category. Love.

Happy Endings
Returns: September 21 at 9:30 PM on ABC
Why I’m still watching: It felt like I was one of the few people out there who caught this mid-season replacement show this past spring. I didn't want to like it but kind of ended up loving it by the end of its run. I thought for sure that ABC would've canceled it, but instead they brought it back for a new full season. ABC is weird you guys.

Law & Order: SVU
Returns: September 21 at 10 PM on NBC
Why I’m still watching: Christopher Meloni has left :-(, Mariska Hargitay is supposedly cutting back her amount of eps, and they've added a few new detectives that aren't Munch and Ice-T. Not to mention the fact that I'm still smarting over the loss of L&O:LA and Corey Stoll's beautiful moustache. So why am I still looking forward to this show? BECAUSE IT'S THE ONLY ONE LEFT DAMMIT!!! I can't live on L&O reruns alone. Sigh...

Parks & Recreation
Returns: September 22 at 8:30 PM on NBC
Why I’m still watching: The more important question is - Why aren't YOU watching this phenomenal show?! The amount of friends that I have that refuse to watch the funniest show on television really upsets me. Yes, it was weak when it first started (3 fucking years ago); it's improved to surpass any other comedy on tv in terms of laughs, timing, acting, and writing. Get with the fucking program people.
This season we will meet Tammy 1 and Ron Swanson's mother. God help us.

Grey's Anatomy
Returns: September 15 at 9 PM on ABC (Note: a lot of web sites list the premiere date as 9/22 but I trust my Tivo)
Why I’m still watching: Because. I'm invested in these dumb gits at this point. And because I still think Justin Chambers and Eric Dane and their respective characters, Dr. Alex Karev and Dr. Mark Sloan, are effin' hot. And because I still find it amusing as a Seattle resident to see the outside location shots and where they supposedly have scenes taking place - Bainbridge Island is NOT West Seattle. And because it's one of the only things left that my dad and I can have conversations about without me wanting to murder him.

CSI: New York/CSI: Original Recipe aka Las Vegas
Returns: September 22 and 23 at 9 PM on CBS
Why I’m still watching: For the past several years NY has been the only part of the franchise that I've consistently watched so I feel sort of loyal. NY is coming back for an abbreviated season, and the premiere is supposedly going to tackle/pay tribute to 9/11 which might be maudlin and annoying or could be great. Las Vegas has Ted Danson taking over the lead reins from Laurence Fishburne which might be really cool so I'm going to at least watch the first couple of eps, at least until Jorja Fox annoys me too much (which might be within the initial 10 minutes).

Gossip Girl
Returns: September 26 at 8 PM on The CW
Why I’m still watching: I love these stupid, privileged wankers. Especially now that Jenny Humphreys and Vanessa Abrams are out of the damn picture.

Returns: October 2 at 10 PM on HBO
Why I’m still watching: The continuing struggles of part-time prostitute Ray are always fun to watch. Plus supposedly this season we're getting the full frontal male nudity that we've all(?) been clamoring for.

Returns: October 2 at 9 PM on Showtime
Why I’m still watching: I'm not going to lie, last season (5) was kind of a let down for me. It was good, but coming after the incredible 4th season it just didn't hold up. But for season 6 they've moved the show a little into the future, about a year, and I think that will shake things up in a nice way. Edward James Olmos, Mos Def and Colin Hanks will be guest starring this time around. Can't wait.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Fall TV Schedule 2011 - NEW SHOWS

The brand new TV season is upon us and even though we no longer have to wade through the summer months without new programming, Fall Television is still just as exciting for this TV enthusiast as it was when I was a teenager.

In sort of chronological, premier date order, here are some of the new shows starting in the next several weeks that are on my radar:
Premieres: September 13 at 9 PM on The CW
Who’s in it?: Sarah Michelle Geller, Kristoffer Polaha, Ioan Gruffudd, Nestor Carbonell
What’s the story? Sarah Michelle Gellar is back on my TV and it is about damn time! She's playing twin sisters, one a recovering addict stripper, and one a rich bitch with a secret. The rich one seemingly dies and the drug addict takes over her life because she’s hiding from the mob or something. Anyway, this reminds me a lot of this cheesy romance novel from the 80s that I LOVED by Judith Krantz. Plus I love Gellar and am intrigued to see her pull off “stripper”.

Up All Night
Premieres: September 14 at 10 PM on NBC
Who’s in it? Christina Applegate, Will Arnett, Maya Rudolph
What’s the story? Christina Applegate and Will Arnett play new parents coping with all of the typical baby shit (literally and figuratively). Maya Rudolph is Applegate's boss who doesn't understand why her employee can't be the party girl she was before having a kid. I fiercely love all 3 of the leads but I am so worried about the success of this show. It’s already been retooled and reshot TWICE. Eek. But I can’t understand how something featuring some of the funniest people on Earth can’t be fucking hilarious. It’s got to be good, right? But then the commercials are horrendous. Sigh…I don’t know what to think. I had the same worries about Parks & Recreation and that turned out alright. But on the other hand, I was right to trust my instincts on how bad Running Wilde was last season. Ok, now I’m starting to sound like a crazy person so I’ll stop now.

The Secret Circle
Premieres: September 15 at 9 PM on The CW
Who’s in it?: Britt Robertson, Thomas Dekker, Gale Harold, Phoebe Tonkin, Jessica Parker Kennedy, Shelly Hennig, Louis Hunter, Ashley Crow, Natasha Henstridge
What’s the story? Based on a book series by teen lit author L.J. Smith, about witches and a new generation of powerful young teens who seemed cursed or destined to follow in their parents footsteps. I don't know. Of all of the new shows that intrigue me, this is the one that I care about the least. I'll record the premier but I don't know past that.

2 Broke Girls
Premieres: September 19 at 8:30 PM on CBS
Who’s in it?: Beth Behrs, Kat Dennings
What’s the story? The whole rich girl/poor girl trying to deal with each other as co-workers and roommates storyline. I don’t know, it’s gotten good reviews from a bunch of people whose opinion I trust. Plus I like Kat Dennings.

The Playboy Club
Premieres: September 19 at 10 PM on NBC
Who’s in it?: Eddie Cibrian, Amber Heard, Laura Benanti, David Krumholtz, Naturi Naughton, Leah Renee, Jenna Dewan, Wes Ramsey
What’s the story? The show takes place in the mid-late 60s during the Club’s heyday. I believe this show focuses on the L.A. club with Cibrian playing the lead as the club manager. From the commercials there looks to be a lot of shady mob-like dealings etc. happening and bunnies being evil. I love Eddie Cibrian to a fault as I’ve mentioned several times before. So I’m on board automatically with any new project he has on tv. I just don’t know if The Playboy Club will be able to survive Eddie’s “show killer” mojo.

New Girl
Premieres: September 20 at 9 PM on Fox
Who’s in it?: Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, Damon Wayans Jr(?), Hannah Simone
What’s the story? Deschanel’s character Jess finds her boyfriend cheating on her and ends up being roommates with 3 guys who are going to show her how to get a new man despite being retardedly quirky, or something. I don’t know, I find Zooey charming and likable but the promos for this show make me homicidal. And I still don’t understand the deal with Damon Wayans Jr.; is he on this dumb show or is he still on Happy Endings which ABC renewed for next season? It’s annoying that they feel that they can just replace one “black guy” with another and think that we won’t notice? **eyeroll**

Premieres: September 21 at 10 PM on ABC
Who’s in it?: Emily VanCamp, Madeleine Stowe, Gabriel Mann, Henry Czerny, Ashley Madekwe, Nick Wechsler, Josh Bowman, Christa B. Allen, Connor Paolo
What’s the story? Oy Emily VanCamp. I only rarely like her. This time around she’s been cast as a manipulative young woman out to get revenge on the snooty Hamptonites who used her father as a scandal scapegoat and maybe caused his death? and ruined her life. The previews seem crazy! In a really wonderful way. And I love Madeleine Stowe so I’ll definitely set a season pass for this one and see how it goes.

Charlie's Angels
Premieres: September 22 at 8 PM on ABC
Who’s in it?: Annie Ilonzeh, Minka Kelly, Rachael Taylor, Ramon Rodriguez
What’s the story? If you have to ask this question then you are not my friend and need to stop reading this blog. It’s Charlie’s FUCKING Angels! Once upon a time there were 3 beautiful girls who went to the police academy, and they were all assigned very “hazardous” duties. But mysterious, super wealthy philanthropist Charlie Townsend “took them away from all of that” and now they work for him as private investigators – he gives them orders, Bosley keeps them in check, they kick ass and take names and have lovely hair. The end. I’m beyond excited about this reboot of one of my all-time favorite television shows. I love Minka Kelly, who is obviously playing the Kelly Garrett role, and the idea of having the first Black Angel in the “Sabrina” role is very exciting. If I’d had that on my tv screen in 1978 who knows what I could’ve become. The third angel is being played by that annoying blond that played Dr. Lucy Fields on Gray’s Anatomy who I hated, but I’m hoping she grows on me with this role. Either way – it’s Charlie’s Angels! It doesn’t matter who’s in it – I’m watching it.

Person of Interest
Premieres: September 22 at 9 PM on CBS
Who’s in it?: Jim Caviezel, Micahel Emerson, Taraji P. Henson
What’s the story? Umm, I’ve read the plot description of this show several times and I still don’t think I fully understand it. Ben from Lost is a guy who gets Social Security numbers of people who may end up committing or being the victims of crime? And my boyfriend Jim Caviezel is anti-government dude who helps him out? But only reluctantly? And is on the run from the government for something else? I don’t know. Did I mention how in love I am with Jim Caviezel and his weird voice and dreamy eyeballs?

Prime Suspect
Premieres: September 22 at 10 PM on NBC
Who’s in it?: Maria Bello, Kirk Acevedo, Aidan Quinn, Joe Nieves, Brian O'Byrne, Dmaon Gupton, Tim Griffin, Peter Gerety
What’s the story? Peter Berg (who can do no wrong in my book) is behind this US remake of the legendary BBC series that starred Helen Mirren. Bello steps into the tough female cop lead role, dealing with misogynistic colleagues who think she slept her way to the top and bosses who don't respect her. I was a huge fan of the original show, and I have high hopes for this one.

A Gifted Man
Premieres: September 23 at 8 PM on CBS
Who’s in it?: Patrick Wilson, Jennifer Ehle, Margo Martindale, Pablo Schreiber
What’s the story? I’ll be tuning into this show for the first couple of eps because of the cast. I LOVE Patrick Wilson and want to have a million of his babies and hope that he finds a way to sing in at least one episode. I also love Margo Martindale. But the plot of this drama seems DUMB. Wilson plays a brain surgeon who was an asshole but then starts helping out the less fortunate when he starts seeing visions of his dead ex-wife? Iiiiiiiii don’t know about this one.

Pan Am
Premieres: September 25 at 10 PM on ABC
Who’s in it?: Christina Ricci, Kelli Garner, Karine Vanasse, Margot Robbie, Mike Vogel, Michael Mosley
What’s the story? High off the success of Mad Men, shows like The Playboy Club and this series about Pan Am stewardesses are trying to capitalize on the new popularity of “The 1960s”. Confession – I love the stylized look of the old-fashioned flight attendants. It’s all so “Catch Me If You Can”. But this show also kind of looks dumb.

Terra Nova
Premieres: September 26, at 8 PM on Fox
Who’s in it?: Jason O'Mara, Shelley Conn, Landon Liboiron, Allison Miller, Naomi Scott, Alana Mansour
What’s the story? Fox and their relentless promotion of this damn show wore me down. I was staunchly NOT going to watch this show that seemed like an Avatar rip-off, complete with actors in it from that stupid film. But then I saw started paying attention to some of the 14,000 commercials that kept running for it and I became intrigued. And I do like Jason O’Mara and his arms. So anyway, sometime in the future, our planet is dying, so a handful of people get sent back in time to an era with dinosaurs. But I don’t know how this is supposed to save present-day Earth? Whatever, I’ll give it 2 episodes to get me.

Hart of Dixie
Premieres: September 26 at 9 PM on The CW
Who’s in it?: Rachel Bilson, Jamie King, Wilson Bethel, Cress Williams, McKaley Miller, Scott Porter
What’s the story? Remember that stupid movie with Michael J. Fox called “Doc Hollywood”? Well in this tv version Bilson’s character is named Zoe Hart is a cardio-thoracic surgeon (yes, Dr. Hart is a heart doctor) who loses out on a dream internship and has to move down south (Dixie, get it?) to take a job as a general practitioner and deal with Southerners who can't relate to her big city ways. Um, I don’t know why I’m interested in this show at all except that I like Rachel Bilson and want to see her succeed in something other than commercial for ice cream bars.

Premieres: September 28 at 8:30 PM on ABC
Who’s in it?: Jeremy Sisto, Jane Levy, Carly Chaikin, Allie Grant, Alan Tudyk, Cheryl Hines, Rex Lee
What’s the story? Jeremy Sisto stars as an over-protective single father who freaks out that his only daughter might be having sex, so he moves them out of the dangerous New York City and into the suburbs where he's hot property and she's immediately picked on by mean girls. I love the hell out of Jeremy Sisto and am intrigued by the idea of him in a comedy.

Premieres: October 2 at 10 PM on Showtime
Who’s in it?: Claire Danes, Mandy Patinkin, Damian Lewis, Morena Baccarin
What’s the story? A thriller involving an American POW who had been held captive for most of a decade in I think what’s supposed to be Afghanistan or Iraq and has now returned home. Danes plays a CIA officer who suspects that he's working for the other side. I used to loathe Claire Danes, but I’m slowly admiring her acting in the last few projects she’s done. And I love Mandy and Damian so I’m on bored for the whole season of this show. A perfect follow-up after Dexter.

Mad Fashion
Premieres: October 4 at 10 PM on Bravo
Who’s in it?: Chris March
What’s the story? Chris March of Project Runway fame has his own show that features the CA RAYYYZEEE designs he does for the rich and famous. He's expanding beyond Sonja Morgan which is awesome in my book. And seriously I just love this teddy bear and am interested to seeing how he is as a boss.

American Horror Story
Premieres: October 5 on FX
Who’s in it?: Connie Britton, Dylan McDermott, Shelby Young, Frances Conroy Alexandra Breckenridge, Denis O'Hare, Jessica Lange
What’s the story? From Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuck (Nip/Tuck and Glee) a show about a family that moves into a haunted house. The plot sounds so stupid but I’ve never not liked a show from these two guys, and the commercials are great. AND look at the cast
I like to imagine that these two Serbian princes weren't just congratulating each other after a tough quaterfinal tennis match yesterday.

I like to imagine that they're planning a holiday together; somewhere magical that has nice warm, sandy beaches. A quiet place that they can relax and share some sweet alone time together.

SHUT UP! This is my fantasy world! You go and create your own fantasy if this one isn't working for you.