2014 Fall TV Season Preview - NEW SHOWS aka "what will clog up my DVR next" Edition

How can it already be time for the Fall TV season? Last year around this time I was excited for a lot of shows, and only ended up sticking with like two, maybe. Let's see what sticks this time around. 

My poor poor DVRs...

MONDAYS

Gotham
Fox, 8 p.m. (Sept. 22)
Holy prequel, Batman! Ben McKenzie (oh, how I love and have missed you Ben! Sorry I didn’t watch Southland!) stars as young, pre commissioner Jim Gordon, navigating a city teeming with DC Comics vigilantes and villains, including Jada Pinkett Smith as Fish Mooney, a sadistic gangster boss and nightclub owner. Also Donal Logue is in it, so you know, AWESOME.

State of Affairs
NBC, 10 p.m. (Nov. 17)
All you Katherine Heigl haters out there can suck it. I love Katherine Heigl and thinks she gets a bad rap. She plays a maverick (of course!) CIA officer turned daily briefer to the president, played by Alfre Woodard. SOLD!

TUESDAYS

NCIS: New Orleans

CBS, 9 p.m. (Sept.23)

The few times that I’ve watched NCIS has been with my father, or with Sharon & Vince Villa (surrogate parents) so basically you know that this show , despite having Mark Harmon in it, is NOT for me. What’s going to get me to tune into this new spin-off of the NCIS juggernaut? Two things – the setting of New Orleans which is almost always a good thing,  and Scott Bakula, who makes anything and everything better!

Forever
ABC, 10 p.m. (Sept. 23)
I got so excited when I first heard about this show. Then I actually read the description and became instantly disappointed.

See, back in 2008, Fox adapted one of my favorite books by Peter Hamill, into a series starring the tremendously hot Nikolaj Coster-Waldau called New Amsterdam. Of course this was way before “Game of Thrones” so nobody knew who Nikolaj was and Fox being Fox cancelled the show before the season was finished, despite it actually being great and a nice adaptation of the book. So I was jazzed that ABC was going to take a crack at it, using the actual title of Hamill’s book. Surprise! It’s not the same story…just almost exactly? The plot is about  a New York crime-scene examiner, Dr. Henry Morgan, played by Ioan Gruffudd who happens to be immortal as long as he’s submerged in water after “dying”. I don’t know you guys. I love Gruffudd though and have enjoyed most of the stuff from Matt Miller (Chuck, 666 Park Avenue).

Selfie
ABC, 8 p.m. (Sept. 30)
Plot summary: A vacuous social-media star (Karen Gillan) hires a brand consultant (John Cho) to repair her damaged insta-celebrity after a compromising video goes viral. This sounds pretty awful, but recently I’ve read articles from critics that I respect that are saying that the show is actually funny and clever. So I’m giving it a shot, although if I love it ABC is guaranteed to cancel it.

The Flash
CW, 9 p.m. (Oct. 7)
Grant Gustin stars as that speedy young super-hottie. This is another show that’s gotten great buzz and has been recommended by a bunch of people that I trust. Also, I’m a sucker for CW sci-fi/fantasy shows.

Marry Me
NBC, 9 p.m. (Oct. 14)
A sitcom starring two of my fave comedians whose cancelled shows I’m still mourning. What could be better?! Well?...the show’s description sounds fucking awful and stupid – “A welcome return to TV for two offbeat comedians, Casey Wilson (Happy Endings) and Ken Marino (Party Down), who play a lovesick couple determined to stage the perfect proposal. Expect mayhem, gay dads (Tim Meadows), and aggressive karaoke.” YIKES right? But you guys, it’s Casey Wilson and Ken Marino! These two are very smart along with being very funny; they wouldn’t be involved in something that wasn’t worth watching. Right? I’ll watch until NBC inevitably cancels it.

WEDNESDAYS

Red Band Society
Fox, 9 p.m. (Sept. 17)
This show proposes the following - What if you set a drama in the pediatric cancer ward of a hospital and focused the story on a bunch of the kids there and the shenanigans they get into, sort of like The Breakfast Club meets The Fault In Our Stars, thus combining two of my favorite teen things. The story is narrated by a young man in a coma who can hear everything going on around him which is a nice twist. It stars Octavia Spencer who is cool and I’ve missed. The commercials for this show keep showing this one kid in a wheelchair and his bald-cap is SO awful, that it may be the only thing that keeps me from enjoying this show.  

Black-ish
ABC, 9:30 p.m. (Sept. 24)
Anthony Anderson stars in this assimilation farce that asks: How do you teach your kids how to be black when they grow up in a mostly white suburb? It’s gotten really good reviews and I don’t want to do the same thing that I did last year with The Goldbergs where I started watching half-way through the season after hearing how great it was. I’ll watch at least the first couple of eps and decide.

Stalker
CBS, 10 p.m. (Oct. 1)
One of my fave show-runners Kevin Williamson, doing a crime procedural about law enforcement officers that find/fight stalkers (?) that stars Dylan McDermott and the always cool Maggie Q. I’ll give it a couple of episodes; at least to see if McDermott (or Maggie for that matter) takes his shirt off.

Kingdom
DirecTV, 9 p.m. (Oct. 8)
Description: “Nick Jonas buffs up and hopes to finally shed his Disney Channel origins in this roid-o-rama MMA drama. “ Um…Nick Jonas, who I have VERY inappropriate feelings towards, is going to be shirtless and sweaty a lot. Attention all friends with DirecTV (I’m looking at you Larry Ahrens) I am coming over to watch this. I don’t care how awful it sounds. LA LA LA I can’t hear you shirtless Nick Jonas!!!!

THURSDAYS

How to Get Away With Murder
ABC, 10 p.m. (Sept. 25)
All aboard for the next Shonda Rhimes Thursday-night-on-ABC show!!! A crime thriller, starring Viola Davis as a law professor. This has gotten rave reviews from the TCAs and up-fronts.

A to Z
NBC, 9:30 p.m. (Oct. 2)
I love Ben Feldman. LOVE him. He played Ginsberg on Mad Men and was an angel on the first couple of seasons of Drop Dead Diva (don’t ask). In this he is an internet-dating executive and Cristin Milioti (How I Met Your Mother’s mother) plays an attorney who he starts dating. I was not impressed with her on HIMYM but most folks liked her, so maybe she’ll be good on this? I don’t care. BEN FELDMAN. Remember, I called dibs on him first!

Gracepoint
Fox, 9 p.m. (Oct. 2)
Okay. Here we go. A big rant is coming; deep breath. THIS SHOW ALREADY EXISTED! It was called Broadchurch and it was a British show that aired on BBCAmerica last year!  DAVID TENNANT, yes, that David Tennant, STARRED IN THE ORIGINAL AND IS REPRISING THE EXACT SAME ROLE BUT WITH A HORRIBLE AMERICAN ACCENT!! And I mean HORRIBLE. This new U.S. version appears to be A SCENE FOR SCENE REMAKE WITH NO CHANGES TO THE STORY! NOT EVEN TO DIALOG! WHAT IN THE FUCK?! Millions of Americans already watched and loved the original, and KNOW HOW IT ENDS; why would Fox and the producers think that it’s okay to remake the show exactly like the original? Listen, I get why U.S. production companies like to remake shows from other countries; they have a proven entity that they know they can run with. And in many instances I find American redos to be great – The Bridge, The Killing, Homeland, In Treatment, for crissakes even Devious Maids are all remakes that I’ve loved. But the difference with these shows is that they took the concept of the original, and either put it in a different setting, or changed the story but kept the setting etc. But they definitely made it their own. Another difference is that unlike the shows I just listed, Broadchurch wasn’t some random Estonian production seen by 3 people here; it was on a major cable network and got a ton of publicity and promotion. And was on Netflix streaming! The whole idea of a to-the-letter remake is infuriating.

And yet…David Tennant, bad American accent or no, is awesome and the rest of the Gracepoint cast reads like my dream cast list – Anna Gunn, Josh Charles, Jacki Weaver (!!!) NICK NOLTE(!!!!!!) – The cast has guaranteed that I’m going to watch the whole damn thing, even though I will know what happens at every turn.

The McCarthys
CBS, 9:30 p.m. (Oct. 30)
This comedy based on actor Brian Gallivan’s  own life, is about a gay, athletically challenged son who becomes his basketball-coach dad’s assistant. It sounds truly awful. But it stars Laurie Metcalf and Jack McGee who I love, and my friend Vance, who is a gay entertainment critic, said he wanted to hate it but ended up loving the first two episodes. So I’m going to begrudgingly give it a shot.

FRIDAYS

Constantine
NBC, 10 p.m. (Oct. 24)
An adaptation of one of my favorite comics, with Matt Ryan as John Constantine. Should pair nicely with Grimm on Friday nights.

SUNDAYS

PBS stuff:

The Roosevelts: An Intimate History
PBS, 8 p.m. (Sept. 14–20)
Ken Burns’s latest, this time with a focus on Theodore, Franklin, Eleanor, et al.

Death Comes to Pemberley-  Masterpiece Classic
PBS, 9 p.m. (Oct. 26 and Nov. 2)
The BBC mini-series version of P. D. James’s murder-mystery sequel to Pride and Prejudice comes to PBS, starring Matthew Rhys as Mr. Darcy. I LOVED this book so much and I am beyond excited about this.

Worricker: Turks & Caicos – Masterpiece Contemporary
Masterpiece on PBS, 9 p.m. (Nov. 9)
Playwright David Hare writes and directs an all-star cast — Christopher Walken, Winona Ryder(!), Helena Bonham Carter, Ralph Fiennes(!!), and Bill Nighy as the titular MI5 spy. Cannot wait!

Other stuff:

The Affair

Showtime, 9 p.m. (Oct.19)

Dominic West back on my tv screen. I don't care what it's about! Here - watch the trailer!

Mulaney
Fox, 9:30 p.m. (Oct. 5)
John Mulaney  is one of my favorite comedians and writers. They’ve finally given him his own Seinfeld-ian show, playing a stand-up comic with a day job writing material for a “legendary” game-show host played by Martin Short. The problem I have with this seemingly okay sounding premise, is that the commercials for this series are fucking horrible. It’s a studio-audience multi-cam show, but still seems to have a laugh track? Every scene they’ve shown with Martin Short is beyond unfunny. I am so so worried. But John Mulaney  is a great writer, and Julie Klausner is also a contributing writer for the show so it should it be amazing! And yet…those ads…so bad. John Mulaney deserves better than this.

Misc Streaming Stuff:

• The Killing's last hurrah on Netflix
• Amazon Prime's new Whit Stillman comedy. This description below should be enough to make you want to drop everything to watch it!

The Cosmopolitans: It's a Whit Stillman show set in Paris, starring Adam Brody and Chloë Sevigny (among others) as American expats who drink wine and go to parties and lament things. It's very much how you'd think, which is to say: Mannered and tiny in scope; nostalgic, almost, even though it's set in the present day; and also sharply funny and a little dreamy.

Here are some links that you might find helpful to narrow down your own Fall TV choices -

Vulture's primetime schedule list

The Wire's predictions of how fast 2014 new shows will be canceled

SIFF Musings - Final week

Some final thoughts regarding my experience at this year’s Seattle International Film Festival.

·         It amazes me after all these years that there are people who have lived in Seattle for a while and have still never attended even one film at the festival. I’m always pleasantly surprised at how many folks I meet each year that are attending their first festival. And you can ALWAYS TELL the newbies – they’re the ones that are surprised at the long lines and perturbed that they have to sit in the front row because they didn’t arrive at the venue until 10 minutes before the movie was scheduled to start.

·         My friend Ross and I kept are “Spain streak” alive! For probably the ninth or tenth year in a row I’ve seen at least one film from Spain at the festival. That country almost never disappoints, and this year was no exception; Living Is Easy With Eyes Closed was one of my favorites from this festival’s offerings.

·         I really lucked out this festival or perhaps have developed a more discerning eye because, I ranked almost all of the films I caught this festival with at least a “4”.

·         I didn’t see nearly as many documentaries as I usually do each SIFF [only two]. This doesn’t bode well for me for next year’s Oscar Death Race™.

·         This was also one of the first SIFFs in some time where there were at least 5 movies that I really wanted to see, but was unable to, due to schedule conflicts etc. I’ve been lucky in the past to catch almost everything I wanted. I really hope I’ll get my chance in the coming weeks/months at SIFF Cinema. (I’m looking at you – “Shake The Dust”, Not My Type, Boyhood, Yves Saint Laurent, Family United, and To Fool A Thief)

And the last of my reviews for the year:

The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared – Sweden

A fantastical tale, done in what I call “Forrest Gump” style, where the protagonist unwittingly gets involved with and/or influences various famous events and people in history. This was a fun comedy involving a wily centenarian who through circumstances, accidentally makes off with 50 million in drug money. A hilarious road trip movie featuring a cast of characters like no other. I wasn’t expecting the movie to be narrated in English, but that was a nice touch. 

Boys – Netherlands

This is a very sweet coming-of-age story about first-time summer love. It tells the story of 15 yr old Sieger, who with his best friend Stef is training for the National Relay Track and Field Championships. Their coach sets up Sieger and Stef with his two other best runners, and Sieger struggles with his feelings and emotions once he realizes that he is falling for teammate Marc, a free-spirited outgoing teen who doesn’t hide the fact that he has the same feelings for Sieger. It makes me smile to think that young gay teens have movies like this available to them.

Final Recipe – South Korea, Thailand, Singapore

A story about a Chinese teen who hopes to save his grandfather’s struggling restaurant in Singapore by competing on a popular “Iron Chef-style” televised cooking competition. Starring Korean pop idol Henry Lau in his acting debut. This movie was cheeseball corny and predictable; but so enjoyable that you just didn’t care. I can imagine this coming to Netflix within the next few months, and would recommend it if you want something that cute and great for the whole family.

Creep – USA

I ended this year’s festival with an unnerving but fairly well-done film from multi-hyphenate indie darling Mark Duplass. In it he plays a terminally ill man who puts an ad online looking for someone to film a last testament that he wants to leave for his unborn child. Struggling videographer Aaron answers the ad and heads to the dying man’s remote Northern California cabin where bizarre and nasty surprises await him. Eh, I think I was too tired to actually appreciate this movie fully. And although I did get a chance to make eye contact and smile at Mark Duplass, who was in attendance, I did not stick around for the Q&A afterwards because I was falling asleep and new episodes of Orange Is The New Black were waiting for me at home.

 

 

 

For the Love of... Taylor Kitsch

 In 2006 I was introduced to Taylor Kitsch and his beautiful face (and THAT BODY) on the TV show "Friday Night Lights". Tim Riggins was the best, and although he rarely cracked smiles like the one he's sporting in the photo below, Kitsch's Riggins was one of the most complex characters written for television for that time period when vacuous reality television was exploding and taking over everything in its path.

In interviews Kitsch always comes off as sort of a doof. A Canadian muscle-bound dumdum who is very earnest and sincere but sort of an airhead. I actually think he has "Keanu Reeves disease", where his good looks and sort of stoner goof voice make him seem way dumber than he actually is. I kept waiting for him to land a film role that would show the type of depth that he was able to show on FNL. Instead his muscles and face just kept on getting him action hero roles which was fine. (As an aside - John Carter is totally underrated and is a great action/sci-fi movie)
Well 2014 may just be Taylor's year to shine. First, we get to see his heartrendingly raw and captivating performance as Bruce Niles in HBO's The Normal Heart, Ryan Murphy's well done adaptation of Larry Cramer's famous play. When Kitsch as Bruce tells the story of his boyfriend Albert's horrible death...I cried buckets. Also Kitsch was really made to wear those early 80s power suits.

Then last weekend I had the privilege to see Taylor Kitsch stretch his comedic and romantic lead wings in the great Canadian comedy The Grand Seduction, about the residents of a small Newfoundland fishing town who attempt to hoodwink a hot, young Toronto doctor into moving to their small harbor and setting up a clinic practice so that the town can secure the bid to have a big factory build there and bring needed jobs to their struggling community. This is another SIFF film that I think will get a wider release, or at least be available on demand or dvd soon, and I would highly recommend it. Also? It has Taylor Kitsch in it looking like this:

SIFF 2014 Reflections and Reviews: Week 2 May 27th - May 31st

The middle week of SIFF is always my favorite. I usually am in my groove by this midway point; seeing about a film a day, often recognizing other festival goers/members from other screenings and striking up nice conversations and discussions regarding the films we've enjoyed (or not enjoyed) so far.

This halfway point of the festival is also typically when I find myself attending the festival movies solo. There's something about experiencing these films by myself that becomes a form of therapy. The ultimate "me" time. That's not to say that I don't also love going to SIFF with friends - I was lucky to have both experiences this year.

Starred Up - U.K.
Talk about intense. This powerful and gritty drama is set in a Northern Ireland prison and pits son against father. We meet Eric Love, an angry teen prone to explosive fits of rage set off by the slightest action. He's been transferred or "starred up" to an adult prison and within the first 5 minutes of the movie he's already making shanks out of toothbrushes, expertly hiding them in light fixtures, and setting up his bottles of baby oil on a shelf for the purpose of fighting. Eric also preps for meeting his father (played by the always brilliant Ben Mendelsohn) who has been one of the kings of the prison for over a decade. Things just blow up from there. I felt like I was clutching my gut muscles the entire 100 minutes of this film. Not for folks who can't handle seeing grown men get punched within an inch of their lives, but well worth the watch.

Free Range: Ballad on Approving of the World - Estonia
Omigod, this fucking thing. I HATED THIS MOVIE. This goes down as the only SIFF film that I've ever walked out of; I left with about 20 min left because I couldn't stand this self-indulgent piece of crap any longer. One of the reasons I'm so angry is because I feel like I was duped by the SIFF staff programmers. Just take a look at the description:
This stylish Estonian joy ride follows slacker Fred, who struggles with feelings of nihilism after getting fired for writing an unfavorable review of Terrence Malick’s film Tree of Life. Finland’s official OSCAR® submission for Best Foreign Language Film.
That sounds like it would be a pretty good movie, right? You guys, when I say that nothing happens in the first hour of this turd, except for scenes where this dumbass Fred kid just drinks with his weirdo friends and ignores his dumb girlfriend, I'm actually overstating how engaging it was. IT WAS ANNOYING. And I can't believe that Finland had the nerve to submit this for Oscar consideration. What a joke! There is not one redeemable character in this film. When I finally figured out about 90 min in that the waste-oid loser old man who literally lives in a 300 sq ft space filled entirely with books, who Fred confides in was actually his father, and not some misguided bachelor mentor guy, I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted my money and my time back.

Sam and Amira - USA
Thank god I was able to follow up the bad taste that the Estonian crap-fest left in my mouth with this touching and poignant love story. This film traces the relationship between Sam, an American soldier just back from two tours of duty, and Amira, a young Iraqi illegal immigrant on the brink of deportation. Set in NYC in 2008, we follow these two kindred souls find love and support in each other as their families and the city around them fight them at every turn. This was a really beautiful film. I can't believe it is director Sean Mullin's debut feature. And you guys, Martin Starr, yes THAT Martin Starr, was amazing as Sam. Both Starr and Dina Shihabi who played Amira were at the screening I attended. I got a chance to privately talk to them before the official Q&A and tell them how great I thought they both were in the film. They were both very gracious and sweet. And seemed pretty close, like maybe dating close. I hope that Starr is a big enough name that this movie will get a wide release because everyone should see it.

SIFF Reflections and Reviews Week 1: May 20 - May 26

I've fallen way behind in my SIFF 2014 reviews over these past couple of weeks. I've seen some amazing films and I hope they come your way in a small art-house theater or on Netflix in the near future.

3 Mile Limit - New Zealand
A sweet film set in 1965 New Zealand that tells the true story of Radio Hauraki, the pirate radio station that was started by a handful of dedicated friends and rock-n-roll fans who fought the New Zealand government who controlled the airwaves with an iron fist at that time. I was totally unfamiliar with this story and found the film quite delightful.

We Are The Best - Sweden
Set in 1982 Stockholm, the awesome coming-of-age story of three teenage outcast girls who form an all-girl punk band and whose friendship bonds them as family. Uplifting and exhilarating; every girl between the age of 12 and 82 should see this movie. The three young leads are amazing.

Mystery Road - Australia
A dark, moody, well done murder mystery, tackling the tough subject of racial tensions in modern-day Queensland. Combining aspects of a classic Western with a police procedural, this tight thriller keeps you engaged. The first of 3 films this festival for me that featured Hugo Weaving in a major role. He's having a good SIFF. Aboriginal actor Aaron Pedersen in the lead role as Detective Jay Swan was a revelation. Where has this tall drink of water been all my life?!

Living Is Easy With Eyes Closed - Spain
Hands down, one of my favorite films of this year's festival. This is a heartwarming, lovely comedy set in 1966 southern Spain. It tells the story of Antonio, a high-school English teacher in Madrid who uses lyrics from Beatles' songs to teach his kids and considers himself somewhat of a super-fan. When Antonio finds out that John Lennon is filming a movie in the coastal town of Almeria, Antonio sets out in his little Fiat to meet his hero and tell him just how much his music has made an impact on his students. Along the way he picks up two different hitchhikers, a young pregnant woman, and a runaway teen boy. This is one of those films that sums up why I bother going to SIFF every year - I would never be exposed to a wonderful film like this otherwise. Fingers crossed that Netflix eventually picks it up.

International Male - Various countries
A collection of short films focusing on gay men, ranging in subject, content, genre, and quality. My faves were probably the US "Dragula" featuring an unrecognizable and wonderful Barry Bostwick as an aging LA drag queen, and the Iranian "Aban + Khorsid" a heartbreaking story of a gay couple killed because of their love.

The Turning - Australia
An ambitious, groundbreaking, spectacle - 18 different short stories that are woven together into this staggering piece of work. Featuring pretty much every Australian actor working in the industry today. Hugo Weaving (drink!), Cate Blanchett, Naomi Watts...a million others. Not for everyone, but I enjoyed it. This will definitely be coming to your local art-house theater this summer.

The Amazing Catfish - Mexico
A touching family drama introducing us to Claudia a lonely young woman without any family who is hospitalized for appendicitis and there meets Martha, a single mother of 4 in her mid-forties who is dying of AIDS. A fast friendship and a close maternal bond forms between Martha and Claudia, with Martha recognizing that Claudia needs her family, and that Claudia may be the solution that they need to go on making it as a family after Martha dies. I had a hard time connecting emotionally to this film, although it had all of the ingredients to hook me, it just never did. I'd still recommend it though.

Remote Control - Mongolia
Every year, I try to see at least one SIFF film from a country that I've never seen a film from. This year, one of these entries was this drama about a young man who runs away from his rural village and attempts to eek out an existence in the big city. The description in the SIFF catalog did not at all accurately describe this movie's story. I'm still on the fence about it. My friend Ross really liked it; and we managed to discuss it for like 40 minutes afterwards in a coffee shop, so maybe that's what good film is all about.

I Am Big Bird: The Carrol Spivey Story - USA
Unlike previous years, this SIFF I've only seen 2 documentaries. This one about the puppeteer for Oscar the Grouch and the man who has worn the Big Bird framed costume for almost 5 decades was a real gem. Carroll Spivey attended the screening with his lovely wife and was so entertaining. AND he brought Oscar!! It was so great to see my favorite "Sesame Street" character up close. Yes, of course Oscar the Grouch is my favorite. Have you met me?

The Healing - Australia
Completing my Hugo Weaving SIFF trifecta was this moody little movie about a prisoner who learns about redemption and rehabilitation from taking care of birds at a minimum security prison in Melbourne. Everyone in my audience seemed to enjoy this film more than I did. It wasn't terrible; it was just "fine".

Needless to say...

I f*cking loved the film adaptation of The Hunger Games.

Even the tiny quibbles I have with it - i.e. Gary Ross's barf-inducing, shaky handheld camera work at the beginning; the fact that they deemphasized the struggle that Katniss initially has in the arena - couldn't take away from how much I enjoyed the movie. November 2013 can't come soon enough. 

 And I already had the hots for actor Wes Bentley, but gawddam, he was so duurrrn sexy as Seneca Crane.

I want to have a million topiary-bearded babies with him. Too bad he met such an awful fate and he won't be back in the rest of the movies. Unless the producers/writers decide to do some weird fan-wank to bring Bentley back to play Plutarch Heavensbee?

One can hope.

Cheestastic Holiday TV Movies - For the week of December 19

It's that time of year again! The month of December where my dvr(s) get filled to the brim with dozens of horrifyingly awesome, badly written/acted Christmas-themed TV movies. These films are like comforting baby food that I eat up (by the gallons) with a spoon.
Lifetime and the Hallmark Channel (and their movies-only sister channels) are the main culprits in inflicting these messes on the masses. ABC Family and AMC have their hands in there too.
Here's a list of just some of what I've consumed in the last week:

- A Dog Named Christmas 

- Mistletoe Over Manhattan, starring the chick from "Battlestar Galactica"!!

- A Princess For Christmas, oog Roger Moore is NOT aging well.

- A Holiday Engagement

- Jingle All The Way, WARNING: This one was animated. And badly. I was expecting something so stupid.

- A Christmas Wedding Tail, Hmmm...a lot of movies this year focus on dogs.

- Lucky Christmas

- Flirting With Forty, Seriously. So good, guys. Heather Locklear at her finest cougar lady.

- Thomas Kinkade's Christmas Cottage, Hmm...Jared Padalecki is so damn hot.

I know this long list might seem crazy to most; I've wasted HOURS this week on this crap. But it makes me feel good. I still have at least 7 more movies on my Tivo. And that's not counting the dozen or more that are slated to record between now and the end of the year.

Happy Holidays!

If anyone out there sees Terrence Malick, punch him in the face for me...

Or Sean Penn. Or even, sigh...my beloved Brad Pitt; would you at least give Brad a little slap on the head for me? Because that's the minimum for what I feel I'm owed after spending 2 hrs 18 min enduring The Tree Of Life. Jeezus. Where should I start with this irksome, self-indulgent, weirdo piece of crap?

Okay, let's start with its writer/director Terrence Malick. I like a lot of his films. Badlands is great, and Days of Heaven is in my top 10 movies of all time. I even liked The New World! In other words, for years I have been a Malick apologist, and have defended his weirdo artistic vision. But damn if I can do it now for Tree of Life.

You guys, it's so bad. It's confusing, with a non-linear narrative that makes no sense. It's too silent in places. Sean Penn is annoying. This film is distractingly abstract and so self-indulgent that it makes me angry.

It all started out so promising. Well sort of. For months and months I had seen the posters and the trailers for the movie. Half of me was filled with giddy anticipation - Brad Pitt and Terrence Malick together at last! - the other half was filled with dread because the trailer seemed a little wacky. But I held on to hope. It won the Palme d'Or at Cannes while it polarized the Cannes audience (standing ovation and booing?). It garnered a 87% on Rotten Tomatoes which is the 2nd highest rating for any Malick film on the site (just under Days of Heaven) which I saw as a good sign. 

Critics seemed to love it. David Edelstein gave a really interesting and positive review of it for NPR. Then came  Roger Ebert's review where he glowed about it, comparing it to the brillance and boldness of 2001: A Space Odyssey. I almost always agree with Ebert; if he could love it so much then I was bound to. Right? Wrong. So wrong.

The movie begins with someone whispering quotes from the Book of Job in the bible. There's a lot of whispering in this film; characters whisper questions like "how can I get close to you?" and "where were you when I laid the foundation..." , that are I guess directed towards God? Or no, maybe God is speaking through this character to another character? I don't know. All I do know is that the first 15 minutes of this movie starts out sort of promising, although a little confusing right out of the gate with Malick jumping all over time as we first see little kids playing in late 50s Texas with their parents, then cut to the mother some years later getting a telegram that her 19 yr old son has died. For a few minutes it seems like we might be going somewhere as the parents, played by Pitt and Jessica Chastain, are shown dealing with their grief. Then we cut to present day(?) where Sean Penn has bad dreams? We see Penn in a big glass skyscraper where he rides the glass elevator a lot and is having trouble concentrating at his work as an architect(?) because maybe his mother just died? Because he and his wife/girlfriend who shares his ultra modern house are both wearing black suits like they're going to a funeral and although she never says a word, she's giving him a look that is annoyed yet tinged with sadness and sympathy. Or something. Keep in mind, throughout these first few scenes there's not really any dialog and almost no exposition, so you have to guess a lot.

And then Malick loses his ever-lovin' gawdamm mind. For the next 20 minutes, Malick shares his vision of Creation. There's a dramatization of the Big Bang, and the beginnings of life on Earth. Volcanoes erupt; microbes form and squiggle around; oceans crash. Then come the DINOSAURS. Yes, you read that correctly. All through this absurdity there's mostly classical music blaring, occasionally broken up by a character's voice asking various goofy existential questions, or complete silence. It was at this point that I thought I might be having a stroke because I couldn't compute the things displaying before me on the screen. But I then looked around at my friend Cathie and several other theater patrons and realized we were all watching the same thing. The couple behind us took off, muttering that they were going to demand their money back, but at that point I was almost more fascinated to see what other craziness was in store rather than caring about when the story would get back on track.

But a "story" never really emerged. After all of the cosmos/creation crap we're dropped straight into the birth of Jack O'Brien in 1950s Waco, TX. We're shown him growing up through early adolescence struggling with his father and being a normal shitty pre-teen, as his mother gives birth to two more brothers (whose names we never know I don't think). In fact, Jack O'Brien is the only full name we ever hear. Pitt and Chastain are Mother and Father, or Mr. and Mrs. O'Brien. Mr. O'Brien is shown to be a sad, ambitious, and stern man who sees himself as a failed musician and inventor, always looking to strike it rich. He's a brutal disiplinarian with the 3 boys, and has weird rules about respect and what the kids (and his wife) should do or say. Every so often the film jumps from 1950s Waco to modern day Sean Penn as "adult Jack". Sean Penn at work and on his dumb elevator; Sean Penn lighting votives in his ultra modern house; Sean Penn at the beach, walking in the desert, walking over rocks, and seeing a bunch of dead(?) people, until finally he walks through a doorway and sees his whole family from back when they were in the 50s and is filled with a sense of peace? We are to assume that these jaunts are all in his brain. I don't know.

You may think that all of what I just wrote was way too spoilerish. It isn't. I don't think I'm conveying how weird and vacant this movie is. NOTHING HAPPENS in it. There is no story to thread any of the scenes together. I could throw out at you a bunch of words - BLUE, CAR, ROCKY, SHOE, EYEBROW, DOG, UNDERPANTS; adjectives and nouns chosen at random, and it would make just as much sense as what I've shared in the previous paragraphs.

We are led to believe that the middle O'brien child, the blondest one who has an affinity for music and plays guitar, is the one that dies. But maybe it was the youngest one who doesn't have one single line in the whole film. Was the dead brother sick? Was it an accident? Was it Vietnam (the time period would be right)? If so, why was it just a regular Western Union guy delivering the news without any gravitas and not someone from the armed forces? Does Jack feel responsible for his brother's death? He seems to because he's haunted by it lo those many years later. But nothing is ever said. There are about 160 other questions that are never answered either. But it gives me a headache to think about them.

This movie experience has shaken me to my core. I was led astray by people I trusted and I'm upset about it. But I'm telling myself that if I hadn't seen The Tree of Life, I wouldn't have been able to rant about it here and warn all of you good people.

Seriously Malick, you not only owe me the $10 for the ticket, but I get to land one good punch somewhere on your body.

Dissecting SIFF 2011 - Part 2

Continuing on with reviews and thoughts about this year's SIFF:

Young Goethe In Love  Germany - I didn't know much about Goethe before seeing this film. I knew he was a writer sometime in like the 18th century? and that his name is used by super prententious people to make others feel lame. After seeing this gorgeously shot period piece about the life and times of young Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe, I still can't say I know much about him, but boy did I enjoy the 2 hours of getting to know him a little. This film is so lush; a great romance told very sweetly with humor and pathos. Alexander Fehling who plays are hero Goethe is spectacular. I would consider buying this film if/when it gets released digitally.

Saigon Electric  Vietnam - This movie might be the standout of this year's festival for me. I had SO MUCH FUN watching this tale of disenfranchised youth in modern-day Saigon who are struggling to keep their dreams and hopes alive. It combines hip-hop dance battles and romance with a touching and sometimes sad story of poverty, alienation, loss, and loneliness. It was fresh and vibrant. After the screening I got to hang out with the American director Stephane Gauger (who is of Vietnamese descent) and he was great. This wonderful film is making the rounds of the festivals now, but it's scheduled for a wider release in the fall. See it if you can!!

The Names of Love   France - Gosh, French films can be wacky. But also so much fun. This comedic love story with a political bent was both. Sara Forestier plays Baya, a very promiscuous young political activist of mixed Algerian-French descent who is so far on the left she has made it her mission to seduce conservatives in order to convert them to her politics (see? French wackiness!). Her magic fails to work on our protagonist Arthur (played with great aplomb by Jacques Gamblin), a middle-aged Libertarian bird-flu expert she meets. The son of a French father and a Jewish mother, Arthur is, like Baya, an “outsider” in the increasingly intolerant France of Nicolas Sarkozy. Forestier and Gamblin are perfect in their roles in this intelligent and fun satire.

Salvation Boulevard   USA - This hilarious satire focuses on the evangelical movement in United States, and the hypocrisy and deceit that's often found in these religious cultures. Starring Pierce Brosnan as the pastoral leader of the Church of the Third Millenium, one of those new mega-churches with thousands of loyal followers including Carl (Greg Kinnear), an ex-Dead head pot dealer who "found the light" and a new wife and step-daughter through the church. Hijinks ensue when Brosnan's Pastor Dan accidentally shoots a philosophical rival of his and tries to put the blame on Carl. Good performances by all.

Amador  Spain - Amazing work by Magaly Solier as the lead character Marcela, a pregnant and panicked home care aide to the aging Amador. Really well paced and acted by everyone.

Love Crime  France - All About Eve meets Double Indemnity set in the high-powered competitive advertising world. So good. Kristin Scott Thomas kicks all sorts of ass (as usual) playing the powerful and rich advertising president Christine; I guess she's just exclusively doing French films now? It's disconcerting sometimes to not hear her speaking in English. Newcomer Ludivine Sagnier brings the main character of Isabelle to life and infuses her with so many different traits and personalities you don't know whether to love, hate, pity, or laugh at her. Excellent thriller.

Service Entrance  France - See what I mean about the amount of French films I saw this year? I LOVED this movie. A delightful upstairs/downstairs comedy of manners set in 1960s Paris. It should be rentable soon if you can't find it a your local art-house theater.

Killing Bono U.K. - Fun fun fun. A comedy based on Neil McCormick's true memoir about his time as a young man srtuggling to be a rockstar in late 70s Dublin. His band Yeah! Yeah! (later re-named Shook Up!), sadly, came to naught, while his rivals in The Hype changed their name to U2, and, well, the rest is history. Starring the immensely likeable Ben Barnes (Prince Caspian from The Chronicles of Narnia) as McCormick, the film depicts his constantly frustrated hopes while rubbing salt in their wounds by painting their bitter rival Bono as—annoyingly—a pretty decent guy.

Romeos  Germany - One of my top films from this year's festival. Set in Cologne, Germany, it tells the story of young transgendered man named Lukas, who is at a new university and reconnecting with an old friend of his from home when he was a "she". Lukas is also making new friends like Fabio, a gay lothario who seems so comfortable in his skin and his identity, that's like catnip to Lukas. Tensions arise as Lukas falls in love with Fabio and has to decide if and how much to reveal about his gender past. I can't tell you how moving this film was. I hope it can eventually get a wide enough distribution that a lot of people can see it.