Here's some of what I've been watching and dissecting this month -
Roseanne's Nuts: I've never been a big Roseanne fan. I didn't watch her sitcom when it was on, and I've always found the antics surrounding her to be a little exhausting. So why the hell did I decide to record and watch the premiere of her new reality show on Lifetime? I don't know. But I'm glad I did. I love everything about it. Roseanne is now living in Hawaii with her boyfriend John on a 50 acre macadamia nut farm. She has this weird (but hilarious) hippie dude named Greg that camps on her land and that she takes care of in exchange for his calm zen-ness. In the first couple of eps, Roseanne's eldest son comes to visit from L.A. She's constantly running around on her tractor and jeep, chasing pigs or trying to kill dangerous, invasive foliage on her land; all while spouting an endless stream of curse words. She's my new hero.
Big Brother 13: As much as I love Jeff & Jordan and am excited to have them on my screen again, this season of Big Brother is already SO ANNOYING. I may only watch the Thursday live shows and catch up by reading the live feed summaries.
Million Dollar Decorators: How can the season finale for this gem already be next week?! I've tweeted my love for this show for weeks but I can't reiterate enough how much I love Ross Cassidy, project manager and boyfriend of designer Jeffrey Allan Marks (who Ross adorably calls "JAM"!). He's South African and an ex-model, and he's a ruthless task master and he is indespencible. I love his hair and the way he's always putting it up in messy ponytails or flipping it over to the side; I love his clipped accent; I love his laugh. I want Ross to live with me and yell at me to "snap out of it and get things done!" I also love me some Jacqueline, designer and textile artist Kathryn Ireland's old French housekeeper. Forget what I said about Roseanne, JACQUELINE is my hero. I want to be her when I grow up - only wear crisp white shirts and black pants, tie my hair up in fabulous Hermes scarves, have a loose interpretation of "cleaning", only cook appetizers, and drink wine all damn day. Perf. All of the designers on the show are pretty interesting. I can't wait for season 2.
Ice Loves Coco: Who knew that Ice T and Coco (I still don't know if she uses a last name; surely she doesn't go by "Coco T") could be so charming? They're a great couple. And seriously? Ice T looks so much like my friend Jim, I can't stand it. Hilarious.
Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew: Oh lerwd, this show. Sean Young makes me sad y'all. I really feel for her. Bai Ling is CRAZY. Like chemically imbalanced. I think that she needs a higher level of care than Dr. Drew (who is slowly losing boyfriend status the more he's on my tv screen) and his stupid 21 day tv treatment show can provide. I'm surprisingly sympathetic to Michael Lohan, and it's been actually nice to see Steven Adler back in rehab. Oh, and Amy Fisher is a fucking bitch.
The Challenge - Rivals (RW/RR): Kenny! What is wrong with you baby? Where's my cocky, joking, handsome, smart-ass who's quick with the quips and a challenge beast? Did that pasty, UGLY, red-headed freak Wes kill your spirit once he partnered with you? I want the goofy, hot, clever Kenny pictured below to come back onto my tv screen! In other news, shut up Johnny Bananas.
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