Thursday, August 27, 2009

Sing it with me - "ACTivEEyAAAH..."

By now the Dannon Activia ads and the Saturday Night Live spot-on spoofs of them are known by practically everyone. And countless folks have blogged and bitched about them before so what I have to say isn't anything new, but I've been seeing the latest ad every time I turn the television on and it's really been bugging me, so allow me to rant.

(on the left - Why is this lady smiling so hard? Did she just poop?)

WTF Dannon? In the latest ad two ladies are relaxing on lounge chairs at a fancy pool (the Dannon website says they're at a "spa") and one turns to the other says "Wanna go for a swim?". The poor lady responds in a loud whisper that she can't - "she's a little irregular" - complete with the swirling hand motions over her belly and a wacky grimace on her face.

I find so many things wrong with this scene - first, if you were only slightly constipated (the lady laughs off the suggestion of eating Activia because her "problems" are so minor) wouldn't swimming in nice cool bouyant water make you feel better? And the exercise would possibly even stimulate your bowels? Second, would a sane person even admit to their friend that they don't feel like swimming because they need to take a crap?! No. You would just say, "hey I want to read this book", or "girl, I'm getting my flirt on with the towel boy/cabana boy/bartender/masseuse, I'd rather not leave this chair", or in this case because the constipated lady is of African-American descent she could've said that she didn't want to get her hair wet.

While I love me some Jamie Lee Curtis, I've never been a fan of these ads. The funky arrow formed out of bacteria orbs that points down indicating that as soon as you eat the yogurt poop will just shoot out of you; the way Dannon insists on calling constipation "slow intestinal transit" like it's some damn light rail train in your body; the fact that Dannon seemingly came up with their own trademarked name for the probiotic bateria that used in the yogurt - Bifidus Regularis, I mean can you just make up your own scientific sounding name like that?
There is a reason I love Tivo, so I think I'll just be boop-beeb-booping over these commercials in the future.

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