10 Random Thoughts - "Streets of Fire" edition

1. The first 10 minutes of Streets of Fire, the infamous "rock and roll fable" from 1984, are some of my favorite minutes on film. Diane Lane as Ellen Aim and her band The Attackers singing "Nowhere Fast" are so damn hot. 
2. I love everything about Diane Lane's Ellen Aim. I love the weird 80s/50s leather/spandex hybrid clothing she wears, I love her mullet, her lipstick. I even love that atrocious Golden Girls-style sequin box dress she wears at the end of the movie. Hard to believe she was only 19 when the film was made.
3. The music in this movie KICKS ALL KINDS OF ASS. I've owned the soundtrack in 5 different mediums: 8-track, album, cassette, cd, and mp3. That's love, people.
4. This film was my first exposure to Willem Dafoe. He is terrifyingly creepy (and secretly sexy? eww) as Raven Shaddock the evil leader of the motorcycle gang The Bombers. I didn't realize for a long time that he was the same actor in Platoon. Raven's white skin, weird possum mouth, and his hair gave me nightmares as a teen.
5. Michael Pare is really not a good actor. I take that back. He has Keanu Reeves syndrome; where his voice is so monotone that he sounds really dumb, and you don't even realize how great a job he's doing until it's too late. He was easy on the eyes back then though. Not aging well however.
6. What is Deborah Van Valkenburgh  doing these days?
7. The 4 actors that play the doo-wop group The Sorels are a who's who of 1980s "Black Acting School" alums. If you don't understand that reference, stop, and immediately go watch Robert Townsend's Hollywood Shuffle.
8. Bill Paxton's Clyde is like if Chet was a bartender in the 1950s.
9. Not to gush more about the music, but the two main songs by Jim Steinman that bracket the movie are seriously in my top 500 songs of all time. I have a secret desire to sing them on stage somewhere with a full band and back-up singers behind me.
10. If I was unlimitedly wealthy I would finance a full-musical remake of Streets of Fire. In fact, I've always thought it would make an excellent stage musical. Don't steal my idea! Patent pending!!!

Streets of Fire is currently on Netflix instant streaming. So what are you waiting for?! The soundtrack is in my car if you want to borrow that too.

Cheestastic Holiday TV Movies - For the week of December 19

It's that time of year again! The month of December where my dvr(s) get filled to the brim with dozens of horrifyingly awesome, badly written/acted Christmas-themed TV movies. These films are like comforting baby food that I eat up (by the gallons) with a spoon.
Lifetime and the Hallmark Channel (and their movies-only sister channels) are the main culprits in inflicting these messes on the masses. ABC Family and AMC have their hands in there too.
Here's a list of just some of what I've consumed in the last week:

- A Dog Named Christmas 

- Mistletoe Over Manhattan, starring the chick from "Battlestar Galactica"!!

- A Princess For Christmas, oog Roger Moore is NOT aging well.

- A Holiday Engagement

- Jingle All The Way, WARNING: This one was animated. And badly. I was expecting something so stupid.

- A Christmas Wedding Tail, Hmmm...a lot of movies this year focus on dogs.

- Lucky Christmas

- Flirting With Forty, Seriously. So good, guys. Heather Locklear at her finest cougar lady.

- Thomas Kinkade's Christmas Cottage, Hmm...Jared Padalecki is so damn hot.

I know this long list might seem crazy to most; I've wasted HOURS this week on this crap. But it makes me feel good. I still have at least 7 more movies on my Tivo. And that's not counting the dozen or more that are slated to record between now and the end of the year.

Happy Holidays!

Prequel to the Oscars!

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year…”


When most people hear the dulcet tones of Andy Williams’ voice singing this holiday classic, visions of Christmas trees and sparkly lights come to mind. These days I almost always connect the song with the beginning of the movie awards season.
The Film Critics have announced their favorites, and SAG made their nominations last week, and now it’s the Hollywood Foreign Press’ turn.

The 2011 Golden Globe nominations were announced this morning. And with this list, I can begin finalizing and planning my strategy for the upcoming Oscar Death Race, where I will again attempt to see every single film nominated for an Academy Award. Even though the Oscar noms won't be released for another month or so, the Golden Globes usually give me an idea of what to expect for some of the major categories.
 
The good thing is that I've already seen many of the nominated films. But I am a little worried about the Foreign Film category for the Globes. Except for one Spanish film, I haven't seen any of the nominated films. Eeek. I usually lock this category up during the summer at the Seattle International Film Festival where I get to see numerous foreign films and documentaries that wouldn't normally be available in even the trendiest of hipster art-houses here in Seattle. Hopefully Oscar will take a different route with their Foreign noms.
 

George Clooney was a big winner on many a list.Looks like I'll defninitely have to see The Descendants, The Artist, and The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, all of which I already had on my to-do list. I'm still unsure about the Michael Fassbender duo or A Dangerous Method and Shame. Although since the latter features full-frontal nudity from Fassy, I can guarantee I'll be seeing that one anyway.
 
Let the movie cramming begin!!!

HOW CAN I CHOOSE? Battle of the early 80s Cross-dressing Divas Edition

I have a VERY serious decision to make. Tonight, two of my all-time favorite films are each playing on the big screen. I cannot attend both screenings because I have yet to figure out the meta-physics of being able to be in two places at once.
The movies in question are 1983's Yentl, starring Barbra Streisand, and Victor/Victoria from 1982 starring Julie Andrews. I can't express how difficult a choice this is for me. Please help!

Here are the details:

In the Blue corner -

Yentl at the Central Cinema

Start time = 7pm

• Pro - Central is a drink and dine venue so I can enjoy a nice glass of cab sav and a green salad while singing along with Babs and staring lustily at Mandy Patinkin and his jew-fro and awesome facial hair.
• Another thing in this venue's favor is that it's only about a mile away from my house, so it's very convenient to get home if I've had too many glasses of wine.
• Another pro - they sell these pigs in a blanket (turkey or tofu pups also available) that are awesome. They also make incredible fresh popcorn with real butter.
• A potential con - unlike a lot of the Central Cinema screenings, I don't believe this one is a "sing-a-long"; so I may be ridiculed for belting out "The Way He Makes Me Feel" along with Barbra.

The music in Yentl is some of my favorite stuff to listen to, and especially sing along with. 13 yr old me could be found with her cassette tape of the soundtrack always in her Walkman. Yes, I was that dork. And for realz y'all, I had a HUGE crush on Mandy Patinkin. I had seen him on Broadway in Evita! a few years before and this movie, plus another Broadway experience (Sunday In The Park With George) pretty much cemented my love.

In the Red corner -

Victor/Victoria at the SIFF-Uptown

Start time = 8:45 PM

• Pro - This SIFF venue is next door to my friends John and Dan's house. So while the theater doesn't serve alcohol or non-traditional movie snacks, I can always eat and drink to my heart's content at their place and then stumble to the theater.
• I don't think I'll be any more welcome to sing out loud along with the movie here than I would be at Central Cinema.

This movie is a definitive period of childhood for me because it reminds me so much of my mother and grandmother. The three of us saw it in the theater together at the Uptown in Washington, D.C. back when they would sell soundtrack LPs and cassettes right in the lobby after the movie. I remember my mother buying the record and then a few weeks later my grandmother bought the sheet music to the songs and the three of us would spend many a weekend singing and performing the music from the movie. Years later, when they turned it into a Broadway show, a few years after my grandmother had passed away, my mom and I went to NYC to see it and we cried in the audience the whole time thinking about how much my grandmother would have enjoyed seeing Julie Andrews live.

Similarities between the two films:

• They both involve women pretending to be men in order to pursue/fulfill their dreams.
• I know every song from each movie by heart and can sing them on command, any time, any place, if asked. (and I'm in the mood)
• It's a battle royale between two of my favorite divas. Barbra vs. Julie!!! Mary Poppins vs. Fanny Brice! Maria Von Trapp vs. Esther Hoffman!

So? What should I do? WHO WILL WIN?!

I failed...AGAIN

For the second year in a row I managed NOT to compose a 50,000 word book during the month of November. As usual, I appreciated and valued the challenge and the movitation that I had to even get as far as I did. It really did get my creative juices flowing. But unfortunately, I wasn't able to sustain any momentum and what with work, family stress, and preparing for 2 Christmas concerts, I ran out of steam and out of time.
Unlike my unfinished project from last year, that I quickly abandoned, I will be attempting to complete this year's novel as a gift to my friend Robert for Christmas. So yay, I have 3 more weeks!
One of these years NaNoWriMo, I will conquer you!!!

Things I'm Thankful For - 2011 edition

The holiday season is officially upon us, and as we sit down to enjoy a delicious Thanksgiving meal with friends and family, I am going to take some time out to share what I'm thankful for this year.

1. My health/my life. I went through some scary times earlier this year. There were several months when all of my doctors thought I had some form of cancer and wouldn't live to see my 45th birthday. And even after the true nature of my condition was confirmed and surgery was planned, there was still a big possibility that I wouldn't make it. But I did. And I've healed very well. And I have a different outlook on things. And for that I'm grateful.
2. My friends. YOU are the family that I've chosen, and I really couldn't have done a better job. 2011 has been the year that I truly found out how special the people that I've surrounded myself with are, and how important they are to me. My friends are the best.
3. NaNoWriMo. Sure, I'm woefully behind and probably won't meet the 50K word deadline on November 30, but each time that I've attempted (and failed) to complete a novel within 30 days it has inspired me creatively, and that's a great feeling.
4. Nolan Ross. Thank you Gabriel Mann for reminding me how much I love you, and for bringing this character to life in the most wonderful ways. And for being an undercover hard body; your abs were the best thing on my TV this fall! Thank you ABC for not only not cancelling Revenge, but for also giving it a full season order.

A few things that I'm obessed with this week...

Police have reopened the investigation of the mysterious death of actress Natalie Wood. I was OBSESSED with this case as a pre-teen kid. First of all, I thought that Natalie Wood was so beautiful. She was my first girl-crush. I was into a lot of true crime stuff at the time, and this also had the added attraction of involving 3 actors that I knew and liked. And I don't know, somehow it was oddly romantic?
Natalie Wood's body was found floating in a cove off the coast of Catalina Island, Thanksgiving weekend 1981. Her death was ruled as an accidental drowning but suspicion has always been thrown on her husband Robert Wagner, who along with actor Christopher Walken were with Wood on her and Wagner's yacht in Catalina.
The three had been drinking when an argument erupted; supposedly over the reveal that Wood and Walken had been carrying on a secret affair. According to both Wagner and Walken, Natalie had stomped away angrily and that was last they saw of her until her body was recovered. They did find that one of their small inflatable boats was missing and it was assumed that Wood took this and subsequently drowned.
However, suspicion was thrown on Wagner when the captain of the boat said that he'd seen Wagner and Wood arguing shortly after she had stormed off the top deck where the initial argument had occurred. But police had never been able to prove anything against Wagner, and generally it has always been believed that he had nothing to do with her death; beyond being involved in the verbal fight that was the catalyst for her to leave the boat.

So why have the police decided to reopen this case after 30 years? Well, that old captain has come forward this week and said that he lied to police about seeing Wagner and Wood argue on the lower deck. Why did he do it? Who knows, but since that couldn't possibly be enough to reopen a cold case like this, I have to wonder what other new evidence the police have that they can't reveal yet.

But I sure am waiting with baited breath to see what happens next.

Wasn't Natalie Wood just gorgeous?




Another thing that I've been bummed about is the split between Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. I've had a weird love of this couple ever since they got together in 2005. I found their relationship to be charming. I genuinely like Ashton Kutcher as an actor and a person, and it's annoying to think that all of those rumors about him fooling around are actually true. Especially with the women that he supposedly had the affairs with - those 2 ladies are fugly and stupid looking! So disappointed.

Finally, it was Regis' last day today on Live! with Regis and Kelly. I actually kind of hate Regis Philbin, but I loved his dynamic with Kelly Ripa (who can do no wrong in my book) and have always enjoyed Live!, even in the Kathie Lee Gifford days.
I'll definitely be recording the shows all next week as they start their official process for selecting his replacement. My #1 vote? Mark Consuelos!!! Kelly Ripa's hubby is awesome and has done a great job filling in for Regis over the past decade. He and Kelly are the greatest. But maybe their marriage would suffer working together every day? If that's the case, then don't do it Mark! I can't deal with another beloved celebrity couple splitting up.

Congrats Bradley!

People Magazine put out their annual Sexiest Man Alive issue this week. And this year good ol' Bradley Cooper took the title. 

Don't get me wrong, I like Bradley Cooper a lot and I think he's very handsome. But I kind of don't get why he's getting these accolades this year. I feel like he was getting way more hot press for his films etc. in 2010 than in recent months. Is it because he's currently dating (allegedly) Jennifer Lopez? Hmm...okay, I can see why he would deserve praise and recognition for that. She's amazingly hot!

I just want to say that I met Bradley Cooper and "hung out" with him at a party once back in 1999 right around his Alias days. He was cute and funny but seriously one of the biggest goofs that I've ever met in my life. I'm sure he's done some maturing in the 12 years since then, but that evening left a permanent impression on my view of him. Another great thing is to watch his Inside The Actors Studio episode. He was the first (and I think only?) actual graduate of "The New School" to ever appear on the show and James Lipton gets even more insane with him than he usually does with his guests. Cooper cries more than once during the show. It is a gem to behold.

BTdubs my favorite photo will forever be this one posted below taken at the 2009 Golden Globes. Coop's shit-eating, slightly intoxicated grin; Ryan Reynolds giving you his best Cary Grant stare-down; both looking suave as hell in their tuxedos. It's a slash-fiction writer's dream. Good times!

What the hell you guys?!!

Heather Locklear and Jack Wagner called off their engagement! After only 3 months. Well, to be truthful they've been friends forever and have dated off and on since their divorces from Richie Sambora and Kristina Wagner respectively.
So are they just putting the wedding on hold, or are they really splitsville? I was really pulling for them as a couple. Maybe Heather got angry that Jack wasn't singing "All I Need" to her every morning? That's what I would demand if he were my boyfriend.

Remember the 80s when Jack Wagner looked like this?

He made the mullet WERQ people!

I'm obsessed y'all

I've already watched the new full trailer for The Hunger Games about 30 times. So far they've got everything right! The tone, the look...EVERYTHING.

And who knew I'd find myself having the hots for Seneca Crane, but there ya' go. Wes Bentley is bringing it!

Writer's block

My novel is stalled currently. Ugh. Maybe I can kickstart myself by using NPR's helpful hints for coming up with a book title.

Here we go again...

I'm attempting to write a novel in 30 days. I tried last year and failed, only getting to 35K of the 50,000 word requirement. This year I'm hoping to succeed.

Wish me luck!!

Next year, my birthday is going to be SO awesome!

Lionsgate just released the promotional posters for the upcoming film adaptation of The Hunger Games. I'm still not sure how I feel about Lenny Kravitz as Cinna, but I'm still super excited about this movie and can hardly wait for next year.

New Fall TV report card..."Sorry Charlie"

It's time to check in on how the new Fall 2011 television shows have fared in my opinion since their premieres these past several weeks. I was initially excited about quite a few new prospects, some of which have turned out to be huge disappointments.

The Good:
Up All Night - I love this show so much more than I expected I would. All of my fears about the retooling/reshooting they did were for naught. Will Arnett and Christina Applegate are amazing. Maya Rudolph is a national treasure, and this show has even made me see Nick Cannon's appeal. He's hilarious!

Revenge - Omigod, omigod, OMIGOD, I LOVE this crazy Dynasty-style drama. Since having a dvr I rarely watch TV shows on their actual aired nights. This is the one show that I make an exception for. I can't wait to watch this piece of brilliance every Wednesday. And then when it's done I feel bereft at having to wait another week before I get more. Madeleine Stowe for President y'all! And I forgot how hunky I've always thought Gabriel Mann to be. I want a Nolan of my very own!

Suburgatory - This sitcom is so charming. Who knew Jeremy Sisto could handle comedy with such a deft hand? I love the relationship between his character and his daughter. Gilmore-girlsy but better. Ana Gasteyer and Cheryl Hines are also both hilarious.

Homeland - I've never liked Claire Danes. Never. Either personally or for her acting "ability". I've never understood her appeal. Until now? She's kind of great in this thrilling new drama on Showtime.

The (Oh SO) Bad:
The Playboy Club - I've already talked about this show's cancellation. And while I didn't hate it as much as most people, it did have a lot of things that were wrong with it.

Charlie's Angels - Oh gawd. Why was this show so bad?! I love the original Charlie's Angels so much. I can even appreciate the awful and cheesy season 5. But this remake has truly been awful. Even the beautiful and talented Minka Kelly couldn't save this stinker for me. ABC just announced its blessed cancellation. Season Pass DELETED.

Terra Nova - ZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZzzzzz So awful. Nothing more to say.

The Meh **shrug***:

There are some shows that fall into this category like Ringer, Mad Fashion, and Hart of Dixie that I'm still actively watching on a weekly basis and will continue to do so, but I'm just not jazzed about them. If I miss one or two I'm not going to cry about it.

But most of the shows that I'm lumping in here (Secret Circle, 2 Broke Girls, Prime Suspect, Pan Am, New Girl) are ones that, even though they may be getting good reviews and/or ratings, I'm just not invested in them at all. I've given up. I'm most regretting my ambivalence about New Girl. The 2 episodes I've seen I found really funny, but I just can't be bothered to remember to record it or set up a season pass for it. I watch SO much television already and only have so much dvr space and hours in the day to dedicate to something that isn't grabbing me.

And then there's American Horror Story. WTF is up with this show?! It is so damn wacky and disturbing. And confusing. And weird; but not in a good way. I so wanted to like it (I love most of the cast), and I still like the idea of the show, but its execution has been a failure for me. I'm going to watch the 4th episode this week but I don't know if I can stomach it much longer after that.


On a side note - NBC's Grimm is the only remaining new Fall show that I was interested in that hasn't premiered as of this writing so I can't comment. But it's a good sign that the ads for it still intrigue me. I am a little worried and annoyed that folks are going to confuse it for the OTHER fairytale character drama that premiered this week on ABC called Once Upon A Time. I don't understand the Hollywood phenomenon where similar themed projects are always popping up at the same time and competing against each other. It's really annoying.

I wasn't a fan of the new comedy Free Agents. But I'm still annoyed that NBC chose to cancel it after only 3 episodes.I think I'm mostly annoyed because they greenlighted Whitney and ordered a second full season of that fucking lame show. Ugh.

Eddie Cibrian - Still the king of the show killers

NBC announced yesterday that they have cancelled The Playboy Club, making it this season's first cancellation, and marking another notch on Eddie Cibrian's belt as show-killer extraordinaire. I love the man to death, but boy does he have a bad track record. I'm worried that producers are going to stop putting in him things besides Lifetime movies where he can meet young country singers to leave his wife for, because he doesn't have any luck. Sigh...
But despite my Eddie Cibrian love and weird fascination with Playboy history and Hugh Hefner, I had started to hate The Playboy Club after the first 2 episodes, and I was only going to give it another chance with this week's ep before deciding whether or not to delete the season pass from my Tivo. So thanks for making the decision for me NBC!!
I think that the powers that be really just decided to cut their losses after they had to stop filming this week because Cibrian injured his foot while shooting a scene in a Chicago alley. My poor Eddie really has had a bad week.

Anatomy of a music video - Bee Gees Edition Volumes 1 and 2

The music videos made in the late 1970s for two of the hits by the Bee Gees off of the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack are a study in contrasts.
Let's examine the contrasts between the videos for "How Deep Is Your Love" and "Staying Alive".

We'll start with "Staying Alive" -

• I dare you to pull your eyes away from the moose knuckle that Barry Gibb is sporting in those TIGHT white pants of his. You can't do it can you? His junk is mesmerizing.
• Umm, where was this filmed? The words on the old train car looks like it says Cork? But would there really have been an area in that part of England that was that run-down and abandoned looking?
• Can we just all agree that Barry Gibb had fucking fabulous hair? Feathered, bouncin' and behavin' perfection.
• Maurice and Robin on the other hand...no. Those twins definitely got the raw end of that deal.
• Actually Maurice had a nice face, and his beard is neat and trimmed here, unlike some people, Barry.
• When I was 11 my two friends and I would imitate the moves the Gibbs make when they pop into the open window and door frames during the "ah ha ah ha stayling alive" part.
• What is with Barry's silver jacket? And does he really need a gold necklace and a larger chain with a medalion? Or his cuban-heeled ankle boots? He's a tall dude. All this is still not enough to distract me from looking at his crotch.
• I think my dad had the same shirt as the one Maurice is wearing.
• Seriously, where was this filmed? Were there still war-torn parts of Eastern Europe in the 70s? What is with all of the empty and destroyed houses?

Now comparatively the video for "How Deep Is Your Love" is on a whole other level. And it's not necessarily a better one.

• The budget was considerably lower for this one obviously. They're on some studio soundstage with random lights set up and the camera is following the Gibb brothers as they alternately walk around in a circle, or stand in a circle as the camera pans around them.
• Seriously, more than half of the video is them WALKING AROUND IN A CIRCLE. They could've filmed this in my garage.
• And who are those random handful of faceless people standing around in the center of the circle? Party guests? Electricians and best boys that work at the studio who didn't realize they were in the shot?
• Robin Gibb really is unfortunate looking, isn't he.
• Barry on the other hand is looking his most fantastic. His hair was never more lustrous and his beard is neat this time around. Also, while I'm sure he's wearing the tightest possible trousers, the camera never pans down past his mid chest until the end of the video, and then it's only his butt that we see  so we're not nearly as distracted.
• BTdubs, check out the top of the comment thread from the link above for a gem from some dude named serq199113. I admire his sentiment.

WHY DIDN'T SOMEBODY TELL ME?!

There's a "Newsies" musical on Broadway (ok, off-Broadway, but still) !! And it got great reviews! I want to see it so badly, even if Christian Bale isn't in it.

Some thoughts on "Abduction"

Or should I say ABduction, because Taylor Lautner's chest was out of control in this movie. I know it's cliche and totally pervy for someone my age, old enough to be his mother, to have inappropriate lustful thoughts about Taylor Lautner, but damn he truly is a beautiful specimen of man.

I saw this film on Sunday with a 15 year old teenage girl who appropriately gushed all over Lautner and the movie. She loved it, and if that's the producers' target audience I think they should do well.
And while I was entertained for the 90 minutes, I did have SERIOUS issues with the ridiculous timeline it followed, and I had a hard time ignoring the inconsistencies.So allow me to rant a little.

The folks in this movie live in nice suburban Pennsylvania outside of Pittsburgh. I was actually really excited to see a movie set in this part of the country; I've got family in that area and it really is a great place to live and it was nice to see Pittsburgh get exposure, instead of NYC or even Philadelphia.
Without getting too spoilerish, here's the sequence of events that set off our story of two teens on the run from the CIA and Russian terrorists:

• Sometime around 6 or 7 in the evening (assumed because it's after school and around dinner time but only sort of dark out) Lautner and Lily Collins' characters fight Russians and watch Lautner's house blow up. They take off on a motorcycle to a hospital to have a cut on Lily's arm patched up.
• Shenanigans ensue at the hospital, but they were there long enough to get her arm fixed, for him to call 911 and get freaked out by the CIA and then Sigourney Weaver hustles our teens out in her BMW (which by the way was a HUGE sponsor of this movie). I'll be generous and say that this whole post-house explosion hospital stuff only took an hour but either way, when Sigourney drives off with our teens, it's at least 8pm. As she drives them towards the edge of town Weaver instructs them to get their asses to a secret apartment in Arlington, VA and lay low. 
• Sigourney's car is followed and attacked but the kids jump out in time and start running through the woods. They camp and sleep at the base of a tree. They wake the next morning. Even if we're supposed to believe it's early, at least 9 hours has passed. 
• The kids then hitch a ride in a 18-wheeler to Arlington; which is a suburb of Washington, D.C., and even if that truck was hauling ass, there's no way that they're making that drive in under 4 hours. So we're now talking a minimum of them being on the run for 13 hours.A minimum.
• Once in VA they take time to shop for new clothes, shower and change in the apartment and Lautner finds clues about his parents. Again, there's no way they could have done all of this in less than 2 hours, but I'll suspend my disbelief and give them only an hour. But we're definitely talking about the middle of day 2 at this point.
• The kids find a clue and have to go to a cemetery. Here's where my young companion and I disagreed; I said that the film infers that they drove (in a BMW natch) back to Pittsburgh to go to this cemetery; the teen thinks that the grave was somewhere in Arlington. Either way, afterwards they figure out they have to ditch the car and get to Nebraska, so they arrange a meeting with their high school friend back in Pittsburgh, who gives them fake IDs so that they can continue their journey. Now, either way these kids drove back to damn Pittsburgh from Virginia. Even if Taylor drove 90 mph in the BMW the whole way, it's still taking them a couple of hours at least.
• The kids then get on an Amtrak train that's magically leaving right away from Pittsburgh to Omaha. Uh huh. One of the Russian bad dudes gets on the train too, and they only manage to make it to Cincinnati before the Russian tries to kill them and instead gets thrown off the train by Taylor, which alerts the CIA and they stop the train and capture Taylor and Lily. Here's one of the main ways the makers of this movie messed up. The train scenes are made to look like they've only been on the train a short time. It would've made more sense for them to have made it to Cleveland, which is near Pittsburgh, rather than Cincinnati which is clear across Ohio in the SW corner, hours away by train.

Once the CIA captures our teen heroes, head agent Alfred Molina utters the line that sent me in a tizzy in the first place - "You guys have been on the run for 22 hours". WHAT?!! Seriously? No fucking way all of this running around and traveling on trains and in automobiles has only taken 22 damn hours! WTF?!
Gah! and don't get me started about the fact that Taylor and Lily then steal a truck and drive BACK TO PITTSBURGH (It would've taken a good 5 hours to drive this!), meet up again with their friend who gets them (last minute VIP) tickets to a Pirates game, where they pull off the climax battle with the head Russian dude, all before dusk. I was seething in my chair.
Of course my teen niece thought I was being ridiculous and told me to "take a chill pill" (um, do they still say this outside of 1987?) but I can't let it go.

Whatever, did I mention that Taylor Lautner and Lily Collins are very pretty?

Shut Up Tuesday!!!

Harummphhh!

This is the look I've been giving everyone today:

Just so you're forewarned.

Fall TV 2011 - Returning "Favorites"

Just in time for premieres starting this week, let's talk about returning TV shows now -

Parenthood
Returns: September 13 at 10 PM on NBC
Why I’m still watching: I love the Bravermans! They are probably my favorite TV family. And Jason Ritter is back where he belongs after leaving to be on the failed dumb show The Event.

America's Next Top Model
Returns: September 14 at 9 PM on The CW
Why I’m still watching: It's All-Stars time! Transgendered Isis, drunk Lisa, Angelea "From The Block", sweet Laura and other bitches are back for more fighting and runway stomping. I still hate Tyra Banks with every fiber of my being, but damn if she can't produce an addictive show.

The Sing-Off
Returns: September 19 at 8 PM on NBC
Why I’m still watching: Nicole Scherzinger left for The X Factor and singer Sara Barielles has joined the judges panel instead, which should be a good thing because this show already has the good fortune of having the best reality competition judging on television. They're getting a major upgrade from short end-of-the-year filler to a full-on series but I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not - we'll see. Still, an acapella show choir competition? YES!!!!

How I Met Your Mother
Returns: September 19 at 8 PM on CBS
Why I’m still watching: Marshall and Lily's baby will arrive sometime during the season which may or may not ruin things; we presumably find out more about Barney's wedding; maybe we'll finally get an answer to who the fucking mother is?!! Not likely and even though I increasingly HATE Ted, I do still love Marshall and Lily and would happily watch a show that was just about them.

Hawaii Five-0
Returns: September 19 at 10 PM on CBS
Why I’m still watching: Terry O'Quinn is joining the cast! And from the commercials, it's obvious that McGarrett will get off the hook for the governor's murder. This show is like the television equivalent of rice krispy treats. Utterly uncomplicated and nicely tasty.

Glee
Returns: September 20 at 8 PM on Fox
Why I’m still watching: I'm one of the few folks out there seemingly (especially above the age of 30) that still finds this show delightful. Sure it has its hits and misses but generally it's one of the most enjoyable parts of my tv watching week. I seriously don't understand some of the criticism it takes. Anyway, I was really sad and a little annoyed to hear that Chord Overstreet wasn't coming back; not because I was particularly enamored with Trouty Mouth, but because his leaving means that we won't get a continued love story between him and Mercedes, which would have been a brave subject for this show to tackle. But I am excited to see how the writers deal with Kurt, Finn and Rachel's senior year. And since I didn't watch The Glee Project I'm interested to see how those kids are written in as well.

Raising Hope
Returns: September 20 at 9:30 PM on Fox
Why I’m still watching: Probably my favorite new show from last year. LOVE Martha Plimpton and Garrett Dillahunt as the funniest grandparents on tv.

Modern Family
Returns: September 21 at 9 PM on ABC
Why I’m still watching: If the Parenthood peeps are my favorite family on a TV drama, the Pritchett-Dunphy clan are my faves in the Comedy category. Love.

Happy Endings
Returns: September 21 at 9:30 PM on ABC
Why I’m still watching: It felt like I was one of the few people out there who caught this mid-season replacement show this past spring. I didn't want to like it but kind of ended up loving it by the end of its run. I thought for sure that ABC would've canceled it, but instead they brought it back for a new full season. ABC is weird you guys.

Law & Order: SVU
Returns: September 21 at 10 PM on NBC
Why I’m still watching: Christopher Meloni has left :-(, Mariska Hargitay is supposedly cutting back her amount of eps, and they've added a few new detectives that aren't Munch and Ice-T. Not to mention the fact that I'm still smarting over the loss of L&O:LA and Corey Stoll's beautiful moustache. So why am I still looking forward to this show? BECAUSE IT'S THE ONLY ONE LEFT DAMMIT!!! I can't live on L&O reruns alone. Sigh...

Parks & Recreation
Returns: September 22 at 8:30 PM on NBC
Why I’m still watching: The more important question is - Why aren't YOU watching this phenomenal show?! The amount of friends that I have that refuse to watch the funniest show on television really upsets me. Yes, it was weak when it first started (3 fucking years ago); it's improved to surpass any other comedy on tv in terms of laughs, timing, acting, and writing. Get with the fucking program people.
This season we will meet Tammy 1 and Ron Swanson's mother. God help us.

Grey's Anatomy
Returns: September 15 at 9 PM on ABC (Note: a lot of web sites list the premiere date as 9/22 but I trust my Tivo)
Why I’m still watching: Because. I'm invested in these dumb gits at this point. And because I still think Justin Chambers and Eric Dane and their respective characters, Dr. Alex Karev and Dr. Mark Sloan, are effin' hot. And because I still find it amusing as a Seattle resident to see the outside location shots and where they supposedly have scenes taking place - Bainbridge Island is NOT West Seattle. And because it's one of the only things left that my dad and I can have conversations about without me wanting to murder him.

CSI: New York/CSI: Original Recipe aka Las Vegas
Returns: September 22 and 23 at 9 PM on CBS
Why I’m still watching: For the past several years NY has been the only part of the franchise that I've consistently watched so I feel sort of loyal. NY is coming back for an abbreviated season, and the premiere is supposedly going to tackle/pay tribute to 9/11 which might be maudlin and annoying or could be great. Las Vegas has Ted Danson taking over the lead reins from Laurence Fishburne which might be really cool so I'm going to at least watch the first couple of eps, at least until Jorja Fox annoys me too much (which might be within the initial 10 minutes).

Gossip Girl
Returns: September 26 at 8 PM on The CW
Why I’m still watching: I love these stupid, privileged wankers. Especially now that Jenny Humphreys and Vanessa Abrams are out of the damn picture.

Hung
Returns: October 2 at 10 PM on HBO
Why I’m still watching: The continuing struggles of part-time prostitute Ray are always fun to watch. Plus supposedly this season we're getting the full frontal male nudity that we've all(?) been clamoring for.

Dexter
Returns: October 2 at 9 PM on Showtime
Why I’m still watching: I'm not going to lie, last season (5) was kind of a let down for me. It was good, but coming after the incredible 4th season it just didn't hold up. But for season 6 they've moved the show a little into the future, about a year, and I think that will shake things up in a nice way. Edward James Olmos, Mos Def and Colin Hanks will be guest starring this time around. Can't wait.

Fall TV Schedule 2011 - NEW SHOWS

The brand new TV season is upon us and even though we no longer have to wade through the summer months without new programming, Fall Television is still just as exciting for this TV enthusiast as it was when I was a teenager.

In sort of chronological, premier date order, here are some of the new shows starting in the next several weeks that are on my radar:
Ringer
Premieres: September 13 at 9 PM on The CW
Who’s in it?: Sarah Michelle Geller, Kristoffer Polaha, Ioan Gruffudd, Nestor Carbonell
What’s the story? Sarah Michelle Gellar is back on my TV and it is about damn time! She's playing twin sisters, one a recovering addict stripper, and one a rich bitch with a secret. The rich one seemingly dies and the drug addict takes over her life because she’s hiding from the mob or something. Anyway, this reminds me a lot of this cheesy romance novel from the 80s that I LOVED by Judith Krantz. Plus I love Gellar and am intrigued to see her pull off “stripper”.

Up All Night
Premieres: September 14 at 10 PM on NBC
Who’s in it? Christina Applegate, Will Arnett, Maya Rudolph
What’s the story? Christina Applegate and Will Arnett play new parents coping with all of the typical baby shit (literally and figuratively). Maya Rudolph is Applegate's boss who doesn't understand why her employee can't be the party girl she was before having a kid. I fiercely love all 3 of the leads but I am so worried about the success of this show. It’s already been retooled and reshot TWICE. Eek. But I can’t understand how something featuring some of the funniest people on Earth can’t be fucking hilarious. It’s got to be good, right? But then the commercials are horrendous. Sigh…I don’t know what to think. I had the same worries about Parks & Recreation and that turned out alright. But on the other hand, I was right to trust my instincts on how bad Running Wilde was last season. Ok, now I’m starting to sound like a crazy person so I’ll stop now.

The Secret Circle
Premieres: September 15 at 9 PM on The CW
Who’s in it?: Britt Robertson, Thomas Dekker, Gale Harold, Phoebe Tonkin, Jessica Parker Kennedy, Shelly Hennig, Louis Hunter, Ashley Crow, Natasha Henstridge
What’s the story? Based on a book series by teen lit author L.J. Smith, about witches and a new generation of powerful young teens who seemed cursed or destined to follow in their parents footsteps. I don't know. Of all of the new shows that intrigue me, this is the one that I care about the least. I'll record the premier but I don't know past that.

2 Broke Girls
Premieres: September 19 at 8:30 PM on CBS
Who’s in it?: Beth Behrs, Kat Dennings
What’s the story? The whole rich girl/poor girl trying to deal with each other as co-workers and roommates storyline. I don’t know, it’s gotten good reviews from a bunch of people whose opinion I trust. Plus I like Kat Dennings.

The Playboy Club
Premieres: September 19 at 10 PM on NBC
Who’s in it?: Eddie Cibrian, Amber Heard, Laura Benanti, David Krumholtz, Naturi Naughton, Leah Renee, Jenna Dewan, Wes Ramsey
What’s the story? The show takes place in the mid-late 60s during the Club’s heyday. I believe this show focuses on the L.A. club with Cibrian playing the lead as the club manager. From the commercials there looks to be a lot of shady mob-like dealings etc. happening and bunnies being evil. I love Eddie Cibrian to a fault as I’ve mentioned several times before. So I’m on board automatically with any new project he has on tv. I just don’t know if The Playboy Club will be able to survive Eddie’s “show killer” mojo.

New Girl
Premieres: September 20 at 9 PM on Fox
Who’s in it?: Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, Damon Wayans Jr(?), Hannah Simone
What’s the story? Deschanel’s character Jess finds her boyfriend cheating on her and ends up being roommates with 3 guys who are going to show her how to get a new man despite being retardedly quirky, or something. I don’t know, I find Zooey charming and likable but the promos for this show make me homicidal. And I still don’t understand the deal with Damon Wayans Jr.; is he on this dumb show or is he still on Happy Endings which ABC renewed for next season? It’s annoying that they feel that they can just replace one “black guy” with another and think that we won’t notice? **eyeroll**

Revenge
Premieres: September 21 at 10 PM on ABC
Who’s in it?: Emily VanCamp, Madeleine Stowe, Gabriel Mann, Henry Czerny, Ashley Madekwe, Nick Wechsler, Josh Bowman, Christa B. Allen, Connor Paolo
What’s the story? Oy Emily VanCamp. I only rarely like her. This time around she’s been cast as a manipulative young woman out to get revenge on the snooty Hamptonites who used her father as a scandal scapegoat and maybe caused his death? and ruined her life. The previews seem crazy! In a really wonderful way. And I love Madeleine Stowe so I’ll definitely set a season pass for this one and see how it goes.

Charlie's Angels
Premieres: September 22 at 8 PM on ABC
Who’s in it?: Annie Ilonzeh, Minka Kelly, Rachael Taylor, Ramon Rodriguez
What’s the story? If you have to ask this question then you are not my friend and need to stop reading this blog. It’s Charlie’s FUCKING Angels! Once upon a time there were 3 beautiful girls who went to the police academy, and they were all assigned very “hazardous” duties. But mysterious, super wealthy philanthropist Charlie Townsend “took them away from all of that” and now they work for him as private investigators – he gives them orders, Bosley keeps them in check, they kick ass and take names and have lovely hair. The end. I’m beyond excited about this reboot of one of my all-time favorite television shows. I love Minka Kelly, who is obviously playing the Kelly Garrett role, and the idea of having the first Black Angel in the “Sabrina” role is very exciting. If I’d had that on my tv screen in 1978 who knows what I could’ve become. The third angel is being played by that annoying blond that played Dr. Lucy Fields on Gray’s Anatomy who I hated, but I’m hoping she grows on me with this role. Either way – it’s Charlie’s Angels! It doesn’t matter who’s in it – I’m watching it.

Person of Interest
Premieres: September 22 at 9 PM on CBS
Who’s in it?: Jim Caviezel, Micahel Emerson, Taraji P. Henson
What’s the story? Umm, I’ve read the plot description of this show several times and I still don’t think I fully understand it. Ben from Lost is a guy who gets Social Security numbers of people who may end up committing or being the victims of crime? And my boyfriend Jim Caviezel is anti-government dude who helps him out? But only reluctantly? And is on the run from the government for something else? I don’t know. Did I mention how in love I am with Jim Caviezel and his weird voice and dreamy eyeballs?

Prime Suspect
Premieres: September 22 at 10 PM on NBC
Who’s in it?: Maria Bello, Kirk Acevedo, Aidan Quinn, Joe Nieves, Brian O'Byrne, Dmaon Gupton, Tim Griffin, Peter Gerety
What’s the story? Peter Berg (who can do no wrong in my book) is behind this US remake of the legendary BBC series that starred Helen Mirren. Bello steps into the tough female cop lead role, dealing with misogynistic colleagues who think she slept her way to the top and bosses who don't respect her. I was a huge fan of the original show, and I have high hopes for this one.

A Gifted Man
Premieres: September 23 at 8 PM on CBS
Who’s in it?: Patrick Wilson, Jennifer Ehle, Margo Martindale, Pablo Schreiber
What’s the story? I’ll be tuning into this show for the first couple of eps because of the cast. I LOVE Patrick Wilson and want to have a million of his babies and hope that he finds a way to sing in at least one episode. I also love Margo Martindale. But the plot of this drama seems DUMB. Wilson plays a brain surgeon who was an asshole but then starts helping out the less fortunate when he starts seeing visions of his dead ex-wife? Iiiiiiiii don’t know about this one.

Pan Am
Premieres: September 25 at 10 PM on ABC
Who’s in it?: Christina Ricci, Kelli Garner, Karine Vanasse, Margot Robbie, Mike Vogel, Michael Mosley
What’s the story? High off the success of Mad Men, shows like The Playboy Club and this series about Pan Am stewardesses are trying to capitalize on the new popularity of “The 1960s”. Confession – I love the stylized look of the old-fashioned flight attendants. It’s all so “Catch Me If You Can”. But this show also kind of looks dumb.

Terra Nova
Premieres: September 26, at 8 PM on Fox
Who’s in it?: Jason O'Mara, Shelley Conn, Landon Liboiron, Allison Miller, Naomi Scott, Alana Mansour
What’s the story? Fox and their relentless promotion of this damn show wore me down. I was staunchly NOT going to watch this show that seemed like an Avatar rip-off, complete with actors in it from that stupid film. But then I saw started paying attention to some of the 14,000 commercials that kept running for it and I became intrigued. And I do like Jason O’Mara and his arms. So anyway, sometime in the future, our planet is dying, so a handful of people get sent back in time to an era with dinosaurs. But I don’t know how this is supposed to save present-day Earth? Whatever, I’ll give it 2 episodes to get me.

Hart of Dixie
Premieres: September 26 at 9 PM on The CW
Who’s in it?: Rachel Bilson, Jamie King, Wilson Bethel, Cress Williams, McKaley Miller, Scott Porter
What’s the story? Remember that stupid movie with Michael J. Fox called “Doc Hollywood”? Well in this tv version Bilson’s character is named Zoe Hart is a cardio-thoracic surgeon (yes, Dr. Hart is a heart doctor) who loses out on a dream internship and has to move down south (Dixie, get it?) to take a job as a general practitioner and deal with Southerners who can't relate to her big city ways. Um, I don’t know why I’m interested in this show at all except that I like Rachel Bilson and want to see her succeed in something other than commercial for ice cream bars.

Suburgatory
Premieres: September 28 at 8:30 PM on ABC
Who’s in it?: Jeremy Sisto, Jane Levy, Carly Chaikin, Allie Grant, Alan Tudyk, Cheryl Hines, Rex Lee
What’s the story? Jeremy Sisto stars as an over-protective single father who freaks out that his only daughter might be having sex, so he moves them out of the dangerous New York City and into the suburbs where he's hot property and she's immediately picked on by mean girls. I love the hell out of Jeremy Sisto and am intrigued by the idea of him in a comedy.

Homeland
Premieres: October 2 at 10 PM on Showtime
Who’s in it?: Claire Danes, Mandy Patinkin, Damian Lewis, Morena Baccarin
What’s the story? A thriller involving an American POW who had been held captive for most of a decade in I think what’s supposed to be Afghanistan or Iraq and has now returned home. Danes plays a CIA officer who suspects that he's working for the other side. I used to loathe Claire Danes, but I’m slowly admiring her acting in the last few projects she’s done. And I love Mandy and Damian so I’m on bored for the whole season of this show. A perfect follow-up after Dexter.

Mad Fashion
Premieres: October 4 at 10 PM on Bravo
Who’s in it?: Chris March
What’s the story? Chris March of Project Runway fame has his own show that features the CA RAYYYZEEE designs he does for the rich and famous. He's expanding beyond Sonja Morgan which is awesome in my book. And seriously I just love this teddy bear and am interested to seeing how he is as a boss.

American Horror Story
Premieres: October 5 on FX
Who’s in it?: Connie Britton, Dylan McDermott, Shelby Young, Frances Conroy Alexandra Breckenridge, Denis O'Hare, Jessica Lange
What’s the story? From Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuck (Nip/Tuck and Glee) a show about a family that moves into a haunted house. The plot sounds so stupid but I’ve never not liked a show from these two guys, and the commercials are great. AND look at the cast

I like to imagine that these two Serbian princes weren't just congratulating each other after a tough quaterfinal tennis match yesterday.

I like to imagine that they're planning a holiday together; somewhere magical that has nice warm, sandy beaches. A quiet place that they can relax and share some sweet alone time together.

SHUT UP! This is my fantasy world! You go and create your own fantasy if this one isn't working for you.

Sometimes it just takes a little picture to make me feel better...

Sigh...Andy Gibb really was so dreamy.
"Lay your head upon my shoulder. Put your worries in my pocket. Lay your love on me awhile."

"She was the best dancer at St. Bernadette's...with the worst reputation."

Annette Charles passed away from complications due to cancer at the age of 63 on August 3, 2011. She played the fucking amazing Cha Cha DiGregorio in the film Grease, and planted herself firmly in my heart as the bitch I loved to hate. Charles also played a bunch of hottie boombalatti characters in a bunch of 70s television shows ranging from Emergency! to Barnaby Jones. And she had memorable roles in a couple of my favorite episodes of Bionic Woman and Banacek.

Truth - I used to get Annette Charles mixed up with Roz Kelly, another popular character actress from 70s television who was always getting typecast as a lady with a lot of T&A. Roz of course played Pinky Tuscadero on Happy Days, among other things. It was only a couple of years ago that I realized my error.

"A lock of hair...from her chest!" 

(Screenshots courtesy of clothesonfilm.com)

Annette Charles will be sorely missed. I think I'm going to do a little handjive in her and Cha Cha's honor.

So You Think You Can Dance Season 8 - Top 6 performances

Christina Applegate and Lil' C were the guest judges. This week our top 6 dance with each other, with an All-Star and do a solo routine. I'm just going to comment on the two pair routines because the solos are just whatever.

Melanie:
Hip-Hop with Twitch - This was probably the hardest or "krunkest" routine I've ever seen from NappyTabs, and it was funny seeing Melanie get it. But she did kind of great. Can I just say I love Lil' C as a judge? So good.

Sasha:
Contemporary with Kent - Hmm...Tyce Diorio choreographed a very emotional routine. I don't know if I really "got it". But boy did Sasha make an impression. Both Christina Applegate and Lil' C cried as they gave their glowing reviews of this girl who has steadily become my favorite dancer this season. By the way, Sasha's dad is Al Roker.

Marko:
Paso Doble with Janette(!) - First, yay! I'm so glad Nigel & co. have decided to bring back a bunch of different All-Stars. It's so nice being able to see these people dance again. Plus my boyfriend Dmitry Chaplin (another SYTYCD vet from season 2) was the choreographer. There was this one amazing move in the Paso where Marko swings Janette around his head as if she were the cape. It. Was. AWESOME.

Tadd:
Lyrical(?) with Ellenore (!!!!) - My sweet amazing Ellenore is back dancing on my tv and I couldn't be happier. Ok, she's dancing with Tadd in a cool Sonya Tayeh routine, so yes I can get happier. Although I agreed with Nigel that I wish that there'd been more dancing in the routine; it felt like we were watching the first few minutes of something tremendous. I still think Tadd is phenomenal for a b-boy.

Ricky:
Contemporary with Jaime - I really like Dee Caspery's choreography. He is still someone that does not look like a dancer. At all. He looks like a plumber, but he sure knows how to create beautiful art. Ricky has such good flow and movement when he dances. I completely agreed with Christina Applegate's criticism; I wish he had more emotional impact for me.

Caitlynn:
Samba with Pasha - The samba might be my favorite ballroom discipline. A samba choreographed by my boyfriend Dmitry Chaplin and danced by sexiness personified Pasha Kovalev? Yum. Caitlynn was pretty good too.

Sasha & Ricky "Whacking" (?) - Uh, you know that dance move from the 70s that all the couples on Soul Train would do where they move their arms around the head in fast vogueing-like movements? That was called "whacking". Good to know. At least it was a disco routine from someone other than Doriana Sanchez. Choreographer Kumari Suraj reminded me of my cousin Beverly. Everything that Lil' C said.

Melanie & Tadd Broadway - I wanted and waited for this pairing all damn season. And thank God they got Spencer Liff (off topic - could Spencer be any hotter?) instead of stupid Tyce. Such a great routine!

Caitlynn & Marko Jazz - Sonya Tayeh is just brilliant. Marko and Caitlynn were both superb. May be the best of the night.

Good grammar. It's what's for breakfast!

I've found a kindred spirit in Allie Brosh and her blog Hyperbole and a Half. Go read it. NOW! Start with this awesome post from April 2010 where she complains brilliantly about the common (and aggravating) grammar mistakes people use while commenting/blogging/farting around on the Internet etc. It's like she shares a brain with me; for reals.

The posts about her two dogs are also really f*cking hilarious. Ms. Brosh is also cute as a button (see photo in FAQ), which is just ridiculously unfair.

SYTYCD season 8 Top 8 Performances

Some quick thoughts about the routines performed from the top 8. Even though they separated the girls and boys up for the first part of the show, the 8 danced together for the last half so I've lumped my comments together for the two partners.

Sasha:
Quickstep w/ Pasha - I usually love Johnathan Roberts' ballroom choreo (and it's great to see him on here instead of DwTS) but I did not like this routine. You know something's wrong when even Pasha isn't doing it for me.

Melanie:
Contemporay w/Neil - It's Mandy Moore so OF COURSE she's set the dance to an 80s pop song, this time revisiting Total Eclipse Of The Heart. But you know what? I loved this routine! I really want Melanie to be in the final 2; she's amazing. Shirtless Neil wasn't bad either. Yum. Melanie's grandma's reaction to Gaga saying she was her favorite dancer was priceless.

Sasha/Melanie - Jazz from Sonya Tayeh
I mean, come on. Could you ask for a more perfect partnership. I LOVED this routine. My top 2 in this competition hands down. Can I get an all female finale?

Caitlynn:
Hip Hop w/ Ivan - I'm liking all of the new hip-hop choreographers this season (no offense to NappyTabs ans Dave Scott), especially this Marty Kudelka guy. I thought Caitlynn was pretty great and Ivan was a revelation! I hated him so much in season 2. I'm so worried after the judges tepid praise for her, that Caitlynn will be going home. So I threw a bunch of online votes her way.

Tadd:
Jazz w/ Lauren F. - LOVE. I couldn't even make fun of Mandy Moore using yet another 80s song. Because it's Queen's "Another One Bites The Dust" and because she choreographed a fun routine that LaFro and Tadd killed (dropped hat and all).

Caitlynn/Tadd - Foxtrot from Johnathan Roberts
Once again I liked the ballroom routine a lot more than the judges. Gosh I really think Caitlynn is going to go home unless folks out there vote like fucking crazy.

Jordan:
Jazz w/ Ade - Ugh. I really can't stand this girl. She's so annoying that I can't even appreciate how truly a great dancer she is. I hate her face. Not even my beloved Ade could make this crap Tyce Diorio routine good. But then the judges fucking SHOCKED me by gushing over Jordan's performance. You guys! I'm afraid that the judges are totally going to ignore the people (again) and keep this irksome girl to torture me another week.

Jess:
Lyrical Hip-Hop w/ (gag) Lauren G - When did I start liking Jess? Sigh. This isn't good; I need one of the guys to hate. And why is he so good at hip-hop (at least lyrical) all of a sudden? I rarely dislike a NappyTabs routine and this was no exception; Gaga totally trashed NappyTabs though (hee hee). I still HATE Lauren Gotleib though. There's nothing anybody can say that will change my mind.

Jordan/Jess - Rumba from Jason Gilkerson
So much damn ballroom tonight, jesus. Hee hee Jess is so short, Jordan had to dance barefoot. At least Jordan got criticism for once.

Ricky:
Jive w/Anya - Wow. Ricky's kind of great at ballroom. What's up with that?! This was a great jive even though Nigel and Mary had criticism for it; done to one of my favorite covers, "River Deep, Mountain High" sung by Celine Dion. I am concerned based on past weeks and the judges that he might go home this week.

Marko:
Contemporary w/ Allison - Damn Sonya Tayeh, your choreography slays me. Marko and Allison were perfection. Gaga crying was a BIT much though.

Ricky/Marko - NappyTabs hip-hop
These two contemporary dancers kind of killed it with swagger. Gaga really hates NappyTabs doesn't she?

Other SYTYCD stuff:
As of this writing I'm leading in my 2 So You Think You Can Dance fantasy leagues and I'm #6 ranked nationally. Let's see if I can pull this off.

And on a sad note, they just released the list of the 2011 SYTYCD tour cities and neither Seattle nor the surrounding area are on it. In fact, the tour isn't coming to the Pacific NW or western Canada at all. I'm so damn disappointed I can't even tell you. I guess I'll be flying to Bakersfield CA? Fuck.

Reality TV Round-up - July 2011 Edition

As usual my Tivo is clogged with hours upon hours of reality television. Good stuff (yes, there IS good stuff) and bad stuff. Competition stuff like Big Brother, SYTYCD, and The RW/RR Challenge; fun stuff like Ice Loves Coco, Million Dollar Decorators, Roseanne Barr's new show, and candid stuff like Celebrity Rehab, and my fave 1 Girl 5 Gays. I love it all!

Here's some of what I've been watching and dissecting this month -

Roseanne's Nuts: I've never been a big Roseanne fan. I didn't watch her sitcom when it was on, and I've always found the antics surrounding her to be a little exhausting. So why the hell did I decide to record and watch the premiere of her new reality show on Lifetime? I don't know. But I'm glad I did. I love everything about it. Roseanne is now living in Hawaii with her boyfriend John on a 50 acre macadamia nut farm. She has this weird (but hilarious) hippie dude named Greg that camps on her land and that she takes care of in exchange for his calm zen-ness. In the first couple of eps, Roseanne's eldest son comes to visit from L.A. She's constantly running around on her tractor and jeep, chasing pigs or trying to kill dangerous, invasive foliage on her land; all while spouting an endless stream of curse words. She's my new hero.

Big Brother 13: As much as I love Jeff & Jordan and am excited to have them on my screen again, this season of Big Brother is already SO ANNOYING. I may only watch the Thursday live shows and catch up by reading the live feed summaries.

Million Dollar Decorators: How can the season finale for this gem already be next week?! I've tweeted my love for this show for weeks but I can't reiterate enough how much I love Ross Cassidy, project manager and boyfriend of designer Jeffrey Allan Marks (who Ross adorably calls "JAM"!). He's South African and an ex-model, and he's a ruthless task master and he is indespencible. I love his hair and the way he's always putting it up in messy ponytails or flipping it over to the side; I love his clipped accent; I love his laugh. I want Ross to live with me and yell at me to "snap out of it and get things done!" I also love me some Jacqueline, designer and textile artist Kathryn Ireland's old French housekeeper. Forget what I said about Roseanne, JACQUELINE is my hero. I want to be her when I grow up - only wear crisp white shirts and black pants, tie my hair up in fabulous Hermes scarves, have a loose interpretation of "cleaning", only cook appetizers, and drink wine all damn day. Perf. All of the designers on the show are pretty interesting. I can't wait for season 2.

Ice Loves Coco: Who knew that Ice T and Coco (I still don't know if she uses a last name; surely she doesn't go by "Coco T") could be so charming? They're a great couple. And seriously? Ice T looks so much like my friend Jim, I can't stand it. Hilarious.

Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew: Oh lerwd, this show. Sean Young makes me sad y'all. I really feel for her. Bai Ling is CRAZY. Like chemically imbalanced. I think that she needs a higher level of care than Dr. Drew (who is slowly losing boyfriend status the more he's on my tv screen) and his stupid 21 day tv treatment show can provide. I'm surprisingly sympathetic to Michael Lohan, and it's been actually nice to see Steven Adler back in rehab. Oh, and Amy Fisher is a fucking bitch.

The Challenge - Rivals (RW/RR): Kenny! What is wrong with you baby? Where's my cocky, joking, handsome, smart-ass who's quick with the quips and a challenge beast? Did that pasty, UGLY, red-headed freak Wes kill your spirit once he partnered with you? I want the goofy, hot, clever Kenny pictured below to come back onto my tv screen! In other news, shut up Johnny Bananas.