Oscar Nominations - For 2014's year

One of my weird pet-peeves about awards season each year is that I get very touchy and pedantic about people saying things like "the 2015 Oscar nominations". In truth, the Academy Award nominations that were annouced this morning are for 2014. But it's exhausting and annoying to correct people (and I'm sure to be corrected) on this relatively minor issue.

Moving on! Early early this morning I dragged my ass out of bed to go down and turn my tv on to watch this year's nominations be announced live. I know most of my friends and loved ones think this is beyond weird; especially since I do it for pleasure and not for like my job or anything that is paying me money. It's a tradition and I sincerely do look forward to this time of year.

In many ways, the nominations for 2014 aren't that shocking, but there are some very weird and seemingly dumb omissions in various categories.

First, let's just get elephant in the room out of the way - 2, just TWO, nominations for Selma. And one of those is for dumb "Best Song", ironically the only award that the film has a chance of winning. You guys? Oprah is PISSED. But seriously, it's almost more insulting that the Academy threw Selma a bone by giving them the Best Picture nod. To not honor David Oyelowo's brilliant portrayal of MLK with a nomination seems bonkers. Sorry (not sorry) Bradley Cooper, you didn't deserve your Best Actor nomination this year, Oyelowo should be in your place.
And don't get me started about the travesty of Ava DuVernay not getting a nomination for Best Director. This I blame completely on the strangle-hold that "white dudes" have on directing award nominations. This year as in past years the field of directors to choose from is strong, but when I look at the eight Best Picture nominations, Foxcatcher isn't there - so does Bennet Miller deserve a directing nom? Eh, maybe. I actually would have replaced Morten Tyldum with DuVernay; the best part of The Imitation Game is Cumberbatch. I think Tyldum's direction was the weak link. Critic David Edelstein wrote a great piece for Vulture about this.

The other completely bizarre, "what were they thinking" omission from these nominations is that The LEGO Movie wasn't nominated for Best Animated Film. C'mon guys, that's just fucking stupid.

I won't be doing the Oscar Death Race this year. But I will be doing my usual routine; I will see every film nominated in the major categories. That means that I still have the following left to see before February 22 - American Sniper; Still Alice; Two Days, One Night; [caveat - there's no way I'm seeing that turd of a movie "The Judge" so I will be seeing Inherent Vice instead.]

So anyway, here's the full list for you to ruminate over:

Best Picture
Boyhood
The Imitation Game 
Birdman
The Theory of Everything
The Grand Budapest Hotel
Whiplash
Selma
American Sniper

Best Actress
Julianne Moore, Still Alice
Reese Witherspoon, Wild
Rosamund Pike, Gone Girl
Felicity Jones, The Theory of Everything
Marion Cotillard, Two Days, One Night

Best Actor
Michael Keaton, Birdman
Eddie Redmayne, The Theory of Everything
Benedict Cumberbatch, The Imitation Game
Steve Carell, Foxcatcher
Bradley Cooper, American Sniper

Best Supporting Actor
J.K. Simmons, Whiplash
Edward Norton, Birdman
Ethan Hawke, Boyhood
Mark Ruffalo, Foxcatcher
Robert Duvall, The Judge

Best Supporting Actress
Patricia Arquette, Boyhood
Emma Stone, Birdman
Keira Knightley, The Imitation Game
Meryl Streep, Into the Woods
Laura Dern, Wild

Best Director
Richard Linklater, Boyhood
Alejandro González Iñárritu, Birdman
Wes Anderson, The Grand Budapest Hotel
Morten Tyldum, The Imitation Game
Bennett Miller, Foxcatcher

Best Adapted Screenplay
Graham Moore, The Imitation Game
Anthony McCarten, The Theory of Everything
Damien Chazelle, Whiplash
Jason Hall, American Sniper
Paul Thomas Anderson, Inherent Vice

 Best Original Screenplay

Alejandro González Iñárritu, Nicolás Giacobone, Alexander Dinelaris, Armando Bo,Birdman
Richard Linklater, Boyhood
Wes Anderson and Hugo Guinness, The Grand Budapest Hotel
Dan Gilroy, Nightcrawler
Dan Futterman and E. Max Frye, Foxcatcher

Best Foreign Film
Ida (Poland)
Leviathan (Russia)
Tangerines (Estonia)
Timbuktu (Mauritania)
Wild Tales (Argentina)

Best Documentary Feature
Citizenfour
Last Days in Vietnam
Virunga
Finding Vivian Maier
The Salt of the Earth

Best Animated Feature
Big Hero 6
How to Train Your Dragon 2
The Boxtrolls
Song of the Sea
The Tale of Princess Kaguya

Film Editing
American Sniper
Boyhood
The Grand Budapest Hotel
The Imitation Game
Whiplash

Best Song

Gregg Alexander, Danielle Brisebois, Nick Lashley, and Nick Southwood, "Lost Stars" (Begin Again)
John Legend and Common, "Glory" (Selma)
Shawn Patterson, Joshua Bartholomew, Lisa Harriton, and The Lonely Island, "Everything Is Awesome" (The Lego Movie)
Diane Warren, "Grateful" (Beyond the Lights)
Glen Campbell, "I'm Not Gonna Miss You" (Glen Campbell ... I'll Be Me)

Best Original Score
Johann Johannsson, The Theory of Everything
Alexandre Desplat, The Imitation Game
Alexandre Desplat, The Grand Budapest Hotel
Hans Zimmer, Interstellar
Gary Yershon, Mr. Turner

Best Cinematography
Emmanuel Lubezki, Birdman
Dick Pope, Mr. Turner
Robert D. Yeoman, The Grand Budapest Hotel
Ryszard Lenczewski and Łukasz Żal, Ida
Roger Deakins, Unbroken

Costume Design
Colleen Atwood, Into the Woods
Anna B. Sheppard and Jane Clive, Maleficent
Milena Canonero, The Grand Budapest Hotel
Jacqueline Durran, Mr. Turner
Mark Bridges, Inherent Vice

Makeup and Hairstyling
Bill Corso and Dennis Liddiard, Foxcatcher
Frances Hannon and Mark Coulier, The Grand Budapest Hotel
Elizabeth Yianni-Georgiou and David White, Guardians of the Galaxy

Production Design
Adam Stockhausen and Anna Pinnock, The Grand Budapest Hotel
Suzie Davies and Charlotte Watts, Mr. Turner
Dennis Gassner and Anna Pinnock, Into the Woods
Nathan Crowley, Gary Fettis, and Paul Healy, Interstellar
Maria Djurkovic and Tatiana Macdonald, The Imitation Game

Sound Editing
Alan Robert Murray and Bub Asman, American Sniper
Martín Hernández and Aaron Glascock, Birdman
Brent Burge and Jason Canovas, The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies
Richard King, Interstellar
Becky Sullivan and Andrew DeCristofaro, Unbroken

Sound Mixing
American Sniper
Birdman
Unbroken
Interstellar
Whiplash

Visual Effects
Interstellar
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
Guardians of the Galaxy
X Men: Days of Future Past
Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Short Film, Live Action
Oded Binnun and Mihal Brezis, Aya (Chasis Films)
Michael Lennox, director, and Ronan Blaney, Boogaloo and Graham (Out of Orbit)
Hu Wei and Julien Féret, Butter Lamp (La Lampe au Beurre de Yak) (AMA Productions)
Talkhon Hamzavi and Stefan Eichenberger, Parvaneh (Zurich University of Arts)
Mat Kirkby, director and James Lucas, The Phone Call (RSA Films)

Short Film, Animated
Daisy Jacobs and Christopher Hees, The Bigger Picture (National Film and Television School)
Robert Kondo and Dice Tsutsumi, The Dam Keeper (Tonko House)
Patrick Osborne and Kristina Reed, Feast (Walt Disney Animation Studios)
Torill Kove, Me and My Moulton (Mikrofilm in co-production with the National Film Board of Canada)
Joris Oprins, A Single Life (Job, Joris & Marieke)

Documentary Short Subject
Perry Films, Crisis Hotline: Veterans Press 1
Wajda Studio, Joanna
Warsaw Film School, Our Curse
Centro de Capacitación Cinematográfica, The Reaper (La Parka)
Weary Traveler, White Earth

I'm kind of surprised, and a little disappointed that I didn't go see John Carter this past weekend. Don't worry Taylor, I still love you madly.

Eddie Cibrian - Still the king of the show killers

NBC announced yesterday that they have cancelled The Playboy Club, making it this season's first cancellation, and marking another notch on Eddie Cibrian's belt as show-killer extraordinaire. I love the man to death, but boy does he have a bad track record. I'm worried that producers are going to stop putting in him things besides Lifetime movies where he can meet young country singers to leave his wife for, because he doesn't have any luck. Sigh...
But despite my Eddie Cibrian love and weird fascination with Playboy history and Hugh Hefner, I had started to hate The Playboy Club after the first 2 episodes, and I was only going to give it another chance with this week's ep before deciding whether or not to delete the season pass from my Tivo. So thanks for making the decision for me NBC!!
I think that the powers that be really just decided to cut their losses after they had to stop filming this week because Cibrian injured his foot while shooting a scene in a Chicago alley. My poor Eddie really has had a bad week.

2011 Emmy Nominations - Who got robbed? Where did they get it right?

Sorry I've been away so long; too busy with work and catching up on the hundred of hours of TV recorded on my Tivo to be able to take time to blog.
I was too busy earlier this week laughing my ass off at the Emmy promo video with Joel McHale and Melissa McCarthy to remember that the nominations were coming out on Thursday, so this commentary is a little late, but I don't care.
Below are the 2011 Emmy nominations with my comments:

BEST DRAMA SERIES
Boardwalk Empire
Dexter
Friday Night Lights
Game of Thrones
The Good Wife
Mad Men

Eh, we're off to a fairly good start. It's nice to see a nom for Game of Thrones. And one could only expect FNL to get one because they're in their final season. The Good Wife and Mad Men also had critically and audience acclaimed seasons. My problems here? As much as I love Dexter, last season wasn't that great (I mean seriously it was hard to top the superlative season 4) and I f'in hate Boardwalk Empire. Justify should have totally taken one of these places in the list!

BEST COMEDY SERIES
Big Bang Theory
Glee
Modern Family
The Office
30 Rock
Parks and Recreation

Woohoo! Parks and Recreation got nominated! I know some are up in arms about Community not getting a nod, but seriously that show isn't as funny as y'all think it is. I'm fine with these nominations full stop. If only Parks & Rec would win.

BEST DRAMA ACTOR
Timothy Olyphant, Justified
Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire
Kyle Chandler, Friday Night Lights
Michael C. Hall, Dexter
Jon Hamm, Mad Men
Hugh Laurie, House

Hugh Laurie? Again? For this pitiful, lame, past season of House? No, just no. I've never even seen this damn show but I know Laurie doesn't deserve a nomination this year.

BEST DRAMA ACTRESS
Connie Britton, Friday Night Lights
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Kathy Bates, Harry's Law
Mariska Hargitay, SVU
Mirelle Enos, The Killing
Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men

No Kyra Sedgwick this year for The Closer? harumph. No Katey Sagal for Sons of Anarchy? As much as I love Mariska Hargitay (and will never tire of the joy of saying her name aloud), giving her a nomination every year is becoming rote and unnecessary.

BEST COMEDY ACTRESS
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Laura Linney, The Big C
Melissa McCarthy, Mike & Molly
Martha Plimpton, Raising Hope
Amy Poehler, Parks & Recreation

Not one single problem with these nominations. Well, I still think Nurse Jackie is a drama NOT a comedy, but I definitely think Falco deserves recognition for her work as Jackie. Amy or Martha FTW please!

BEST COMEDY ACTOR
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Matt LeBlanc, Episodes
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory
Steve Carell, The Office
Johnny Galecki, The Big Bang Theory
Louie C.K., Louie

The nominating committee really did a great job with the lead comedy acting categories because I also love these noms. Especially the one for Louie C.K.

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR, COMEDY
Chris Colfer, Glee
Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Modern Family
Ed O’Neill, Modern Family
Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family
Ty Burrell, Modern Family
Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men

Unlike a lot of people, I'm still just as much in love with Modern Family and its cast as I was the first season, so I was really pleased with season all four of the guys from this gem get a nom. I hate the fucking "Men" show, but Cryer getting a nomination is probably well deserved. And I even though I do not understand why everyone loves Chris Colfer so much, his nomination in this category is also expected. BUT I think that Nick Offerman deserved a nomination for his Ron Swanson from Parks & Rec.

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR, DRAMA
Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones
Josh Charles, The Good Wife
Alan Cumming, The Good Wife
Walton Goggins, Justified
John Slattery, Mad Men
Andre Braugher, Men of a Certain Age

This category is all about Dinklage and Goggins for me. Love them both, and hope it's a tie so that they both get a statuette.

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS, COMEDY
Jane Lynch, Glee
Betty White, Hot in Cleveland
Julie Bowen, Modern Family
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family
Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live
Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock

Fawking Betty White does not deserve a damn nomination for that decidedly UNFUNNY crap show. Betty White as a person is awesome but this blind love for her where she just gets accolades handed to her has to stop. Merritt Wever should've been nominated for Nurse Jackie instead! I'm fine with the other noms. When was the last time you saw a SNL cast member get a nomination though? That's the power of Bridesmaids for ya'.

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS, DRAMA
Archie Panjabi, The Good Wife
Kelly Macdonald, Boardwalk Empire
Christine Baranski, The Good Wife
Margo Martindale, Justified
Michelle Forbes, The Killing
Christina Hendricks, Mad Men

The two Good Wife nods, and my fave Margo Martindale are deserving nominations. The other 3? Hendricks is fine I guess, although this past season of Mad Men didn't give her much to work with. But Forbes and Macdonald? Their characters are easily the most annoying parts of their respective shows. If Martindale doesn't win this I will be PISSED.

OUTSTANDING MINISERIES OR MOVIE
Cinema Verite
Downton Abbey
The Kennedys
Mildred Pierce
The Pillars of the Earth
Too Big to Fail

Yay for Downton Abbey! Boo for The Kennedys! All of the others are fine.

OUTSTANDING ACTRESS, MINISERIES OR MOVIE
Diane Lane, Cinema Verite
Elizabeth McGovern, Downton Abbey
Kate Winslet, Mildred Pierce
Taraji P. Henson, Taken From Me: The Tiffany Rubin Story
Jean Marsh, Upstairs Downstairs

Um, is this "Taken" thing a Lifetime movie? Because the title certainly sounds like it. For some reason I'm surprised about McGovern's nomination here. Not that she wasn't great in Downton, just that I kind of thought of her as more supporting than lead. But who would want to go against  Dame Maggie in the supporting category?!
                   
OUTSTANDING ACTOR, MINISERIES OR MOVIE
Edgar Ramirez, Carlos
Greg Kinnear, The Kennedys
Barry Pepper, The Kennedys
Idris Elba, Luther
Laurence Fishburne, Thurgood
William Hurt, Too Big to Fail

No problems here I guess, except, didn't Carlos come out a million years ago? And didn't Ramirez win the Golden Globe and the SAG for this role? So how the hell is he eligible? CONFUSED.

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS, MINISERIES OR MOVIE
Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey
Evan Rachel Wood, Mildred Pierce
Melissa Leo, Mildred Pierce
Mare Winningham, Mildred Pierce
Eileen Atkins, Upstairs Downstairs

Just go ahead and give the Emmy to Maggie Smith now. Eileen Atkins was also awesome. Feisty old English grandmas FTW!

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR, MINISERIES OR MOVIE
Tom Wilkinson, The Kennedys
Guy Pearce, Mildred Pierce
Brian F. O'Byrne, Mildred Pierce
Paul Giamatti, Too Big to Fail
James Woods, Too Big to Fail

ZzzzzZzzz predictable. Don't care at all about any of these people.

BEST VARIETY SERIES
The Colbert Report
Conan
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
Real Time with Bill Maher
Saturday Night Live

Again, predictable but it's nice to see Conan get a nod and not Jay.

OUTSTANDING REALITY PROGRAM
Hoarders

Antiques Roadshow
Deadliest Catch
Mythbusters
Undercover Boss
Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List

Go Antiques, go Antiques! No seriously, these all seem like deserving contenders.

OUTSTANDING REALITY COMPETITION
The Amazing Race
American Idol
So You Think You Can Dance
Top Chef

SYTYCD got a nomination finally for something other than choreography!

OUTSTANDING HOST FOR A REALITY OR REALITY-COMPETITION PROGRAM
Phil Keoghan, The Amazing Race
Ryan Seacrest, American Idol
Tom Bergeron, Dancing With the Stars
Cat Deeley, So You Think You Can Dance
Jeff Probst, Survivor

My beloved Cat Deeley FINALLY got a nomination! So ecstatic that the Emmy voters finally pulled their heads out of their asses. If Probst or Seacrest wins again I will be really fucking annoyed.

OUTSTANDING VARIETY, MUSIC OR COMEDY SPECIAL
Bette Midler: The Showgirl Must Go On
Carrie Fisher in Wishful Drinking
The Kennedy Center Honors
Lady Gaga Presents The Monster Ball Tour: At Madison Square Garden
The Pee-Wee Herman Show on Broadway

I surprisingly have seen all of the nominees this year. And I think except for the Kennedy Center they were all produced by HBO? Anyway, I'd like to see Carrie or Paul take it.

OUTSTANDING WRITING FOR A COMEDY SERIES
Episodes, "Episode 107"
Louie, "Poker/Divorce"
Modern Family, "Caught in the Act"
The Office, "Good-bye Michael"
30 Rock, "Reaganing"

Good choices for Episodes, Modern Family, and Louie. But there were much funnier episodes this season for the Office and 30 Rock. And what about Parks and Recreation?!

OUTSTANDING WRITING FOR A DRAMA SERIES
Friday Night Lights, "Always"
Game of Thrones, "Baelor"
The Killing, "Pilot"
Mad Men, "The Suitcase"
Mad Men, "Blowing Smoke"

It always bugs me when a show gets more than one nomination in the writing categories. I feel like they should limit it to one each. I don't know why I don't feel the same way for the acting categories, but I don't. I could think of at least 7 episodes of Justified that could've and should've been nominated.

OUTSTANDING WRITING FOR A VARIETY, MUSIC OR COMEDY SERIES
The Colbert Report
Conan
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
Saturday Night Live

No surprises in these nominations, but I would love to see someone other than The Daily Show writers win for once.

I have to say, I am pretty darn excited for September to roll around to see who wins. And Jane Lynch is hosting so that should be awesome.

Some thoughts about "Insidious"

So I saw Insidious this past weekend. It came in #3 at the box office its opening weekend and I guess that's okay but I don't know if they'll be able to sustain it.
The movie was okay. It was a little more cliched and much more of a Poltergeist rip-off than I expected, but for a "scary movie" it was enjoyable. I guess I thought it would be scarier; I'm kind of a wimp when it comes to horror films, and I only jumped like twice in the theater.

Some thoughts (good and bad) that went through my head during and after the movie:

• What was the purpose of Rose Byrne's character being a songwriter? It had NO connection to the story at all. Of all the "work from home" professions they could think of why this one? The one song they showed her writing and singing was really lame.
• And while we're talking about it, if you're going to have one of your leads be a songwriter, and her character's husband is played by Patrick Wilson, an actor with a BEAUTIFUL voice who has been nominated for TWO Tony awards for his singing? Don't have said character played by Patrick Wilson "act" tone-deaf and feign a horrible singing voice. It's insulting to Patrick and his fans. And my ears.
• Rose Byrne's character is named "Renai". Ugh. What is the purpose of this whacked out spelling. Renee. Geez.
• I did find it odd but kind of awesome and fairly realistic that when they showed Byrne and Wilson getting ready for bed, they were dressed and doing things like real adult people. Wearing old t-shirts and boxers as pjs and Patrick putting eye cream on for his wrinkles and concerned about his thinning and graying hair.
• What is up with Barbara Hershey playing super creepy moms these days? And there was strangely no chemistry between her and Patrick Wilson. They barely acted like they knew each other, much less were supposed to be mother and son. Everytime he said 'Mom' I was shocked that he was talking to Hershey.
• Could've done without the lame "Geek Squad" paranormal activity ghostbuster dudes, who were supposed to be comedy relief?
• Who is taking care of Renai and Josh's two other kids if Grandma Barbara is at the house fighting demons?!
• SPOILER ALERT - I get that they geared the ending for a sequel but damn, did they have to leave so many unanswered questions? Was the black/red faced demon defeated? Was the old lady demon at the end the same one we learned of earlier in the film?
• Why was the black/red faced demon shown in, what can only be described as his boudoir, prancing around like Buffalo Bill. I mean seriously, why do movies these days make demons act so fey?
• Why wasn't it scarier?

Okay, I'll admit, this was a scary fucking scene.



Mike Starr finally loses battle against drugs

Former Alice in Chains bassist Mike Starr, lately back in the spotlight because of his stint on Celebrity Rehab 3 and Sober House, died yesterday in Utah. An autopsy report hasn't been released yet, but considering he was just arrested for drug possession a few weeks ago, chances are Starr overdosed.
It's so sad. Man, drugs are EVIL.
Although Mike Starr was a mess physically in recent years, I choose to remember him back when he was a hot, young, troubled soul back in the early/mid 90s.

So long dude.

Random Thoughts About Things You Don't Care About - "Valentine's Day" edition

Last night I got home from a dinner party and although it was almost 11, I wasn't tired, so I decided to watch a movie. Instead of being smart and diligent and watching Animal Kingdom, thus crossing off another movie and category in the Oscar Death Race, I instead decided to watch the ridiculous movie Valentine's Day, which my Tivo for some reason decided I needed to see.

First thing you need to know about this movie is that it's a Garry Marshall film. Enough said right? The next thing you need to know is that it's done in that scattered, 25 different stories that all link up somehow, Pulp Fiction style that sometimes works in movies but more often does not. In Valentine's Day it just comes off as lazy; lazy directing, writing, and acting. The plot is basically about a bunch of different people in Los Angeles dealing with the joys and horror of February 14.

It wasn't awful. I mean, I watched the whole thing and only rolled my eyes like 7 times; usually during any scene with either/both Taylor Swift or Taylor Lautner. But there are a ton of things wrong with this movie.
First, it's too long. There's no reason this damn movie needed to be over 2 hours long. It's like 135 minutes! Also, there are too many characters/actors/stories in it. Do you recall hearing about the HUGE cast when this movie came out last year? The fact that Jamie Foxx, Shirley MacLaine, Anne Hathaway and Geore Lopez are all in a movie together is ridiculous, not to mention Ashton Kutcher, Taylor Lautner, Bradley Cooper and Julia Roberts. Y'all, believe me when I tell you that I haven't even listed half of the cast; this thing is so bloated with stars it's ridiculous.
Which leads me to wonder - what was in it for them? I don't think the budget was big enough for everyone to get a huge paycheck, and except for maybe Kutcher, all of the actors had roughly the same amount of screen time - 8 minutes. Does Garry Marshall still have enough clout and power in Hollywood that people like Jennifer Garner and Queen Latifah agree to appear for 15 collective minutes in one of his films? Also, what does Marshall have on Julia Roberts? Pretty Woman was over 20 years (!) ago; she can't possibly feel like she still owes him for something, can she? Did she lose a bet?
Roberts' character's story was probably the most touching. And I'll admit that the "twist" or reveal or whatever that her character and Bradley Cooper's had at the end of the movie actually surprised me. I know I know...it was 1 o'clock in the morning! I was tired. But damn was I annoyed that there wasn't more to the romantic reveal of Cooper and Eric Dane being gay lovers. You have these two hot men in your movie, as BOYFRIENDS and we don't even get to see them kiss? That's just cruel.

Uggh

That's right, you get the "Dwight Eyes" from me this morning.

I'm disappointed, folks. Disappointed in America as a whole for being so damn short-sighted. Disappointed in the people in eastern Idaho for not voting into office a wonderful man like Jerry Shively. And especially disappointed in my fellow Washingtonians for voting down or repealing almost every single tax initiative on the ballot.

I mean yay! we repealed the tax on candy, soda, and bottled water which was going to bring our state a much needed $356 million dollars over the next five years. So now the children of this state won't get the quality education they need and will be crammed into oversized classrooms, but at least they'll be jacked up on cheap candy bars and soda. And state-subsidized health care will fall by the wayside so OOPS, too bad about that diabetes you got from eating said candy. And Washington state will fall further into debt.
But yippee! at least everyone has been saved the terrible burden of having to pay 2 cents more for their f*cking Evian water.

And don't get me started on the fact that we approved a F*UCKING TIM EYMAN INITIATIVE!!!! What is friggin' wrong with the people in this state?!

On top of it all I'm behind in my novel writing, so I'm in even more of a bad mood.

Aww crap, I need a drink.

Oh Lindsay...what are we going to do about you?

Lindsay Lohan was sentenced to 3 months in jail! She doesn't have to start her sentence right away and it's still unclear whether the judge will let her be under house arrest for the 90 days, but either way she has to hand herself over to the authorities on July 20 and continue to wear her alcohol monitoring anklet until then.

Don't you just love the "WHATEVER, you dumbass spoiled bitch" look that Lohan's attorney, Shawn Chapman Holley is sporting in this photo?!

I also love the story on Huffington Post (and other media outlets) about the "F*ck U" message Lindsay sported on her finger nails and the pathetic notes and excuses she was jotting down on her little notepad during the procedure. Hee HEE Gosh, I really do love to hate her.

Big Brother Season 12 - Get to know the House Guests

Whoa. How can it already be time for another season of Big Brother to start up again? 2010 is moving fast. But here we are in July, with another dose of my favorite TV crack waiting to be administered on July 8.
For the past 9 seasons Allison Groder and the other producers have tried to cram "twists" down our throats to keep things "unexpected" in the game. Some of these antics have worked better than others, but this season they're going with having a mole, sorry, a "saboteur" in the house that will be tasked with messing things up for their fellow houseguests. Now, I'm really hoping that unlike Season 8 with Eric being "America's Player", that this saboteur isn't affected by the votes of the other HGs so that they're not voted off too soon. Will it be like The Mole where the all of the HGs know that one among them is this traitor, so that everyone's off guard right from the beginning? If in fact the mole is voted off early on, will BB choose another HG to take over? Inquiring minds!

I finally took some time to review Season 12's cast. And of course I have opinions.
First impressions:
SO MUCH pre-hate for Annie. Her favorite BB contestant is Evel Dick? Uh, no. We’re done here.

Andrew, on paper seems like the kind of guy that I usually fawking hate. But I said the same thing about Jeff last season and I ended up loving him.

They cast Enzo strictly because he fits the Bayonne, NJ Guido “Jersey Shore” stereotype. *eyeroll* Although it amused me to no end that his favorite all-time BB player is Season 1 Justin. WTF?!

Brendon. Hmm. Cute and doesn’t seem too douchey, and has a Ph.D. in biometric physics. But when asked to use 3 adjectives to describe himself, one of the ones he used was “intelligible” which gave me pause. Did he really mean to describe himself as someone who is easily understood, or is he one of those assholes who just throws words out in conversation trying to sound smarter than he is? If it’s the former than I might end up loving this guy.

I want to like Kathy. She’s my age, seems sort of kick-ass (she’s a sheriff deputy), seems to love BB and know its history, and has survived cancer (which I hope is the excuse for her fugly hair) so seems to be ready for anything. I hope to hell she doesn’t end up being a shrill harpy.

Kristen. I am wary of anyone who claims to be “misunderstood by strangers”. This almost always means – PSYCHO BITCH

Matt seems like guys that I’m friends with, and is one of my top picks for being this season’s “Mole”. I also thought what he said about Dr. Will and his favorite BB player was very astute: "Since the beginning I've liked Will, but his strategy would never work anymore. People play the game too much now. So, I'd have to go with Dan as my favorite."

I hope to hell that Monet ends up being as cool as she seems from her profile. But I’ve been burned before.

Lane is your typical BB cast big dumb jock. He seems nice though. But that’s what I thought about Jesse when I read his bio and we all know how that turned out.

Hayden is another stereotypical BB houseguest. I hope he’s cuter in real life than in his photo. His hair could bug.

Britney Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Rachel has VERY UNFORTUNATE hair and seems like a Vegas whore. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

And finally we have Ragan who methinks is the token “gay” of this season (West Hollywood represent!). He’s also AWESOME. (at least from his profile) So this means that he’ll probably lose because the people I like never win (Will and Jordan are exceptions). He's another candidate for the mole but he almost seems too obvious a choice.

Here we go folks.

Hey! Lighten up San Miguel County

Wondering what Val Kilmer's been doing lately? Other than a cameo in Magruber? Well, he's also been fighting his dumbass neighbors in New Mexico, as he tries to turn his ranch house into a bed & breakfast.
Seems as though the residents in the small county of San Miguel took offense to some things that Kilmer may (or may not) have said about New Mexicans and Vietnam vets?

Their anger and hysterics are all very silly. I mean really? They're made because Val (allegedly) said that 80% of the people that live in his county are drunks? And the county attorney backed these irrational (and probably drunk) lunatics up by saying that Kilmer's words "created a clear and present danger threatening public safety." ? WTF? Calm down and let the man have his permit to open his B&B! He needs the money for a decent hair cut.

Whatchu talkin' bout'?

I'm kind of devastated to hear about Gary Coleman dying of a brain hemorrhage this morning. The guy just could NOT. Catch. A break. I hope he and Dana Plato are hanging out in the afterlife shaking their heads in disbelief that Conrad Bain (Mr. Drummond) outlived them both.

And so I ask myself - has Michael Patrick King lost his damn mind?

Probably the greatest movie review ever from The Stranger's Lindy West about the horrid Sex & The City 2 that opens today.

I loved the tv show, and it pains me how crappy the films are. And yet. I find myself drawn to this shite like a moth to a flame. I most likely won't see this sequel in the theater - I was burned with the first movie and this new one is supposed to be 10x worse - but then again, if I'm in the right mood and I've had enough liquor in me, maybe I'll find myself shelling out the 10 bucks to see it.

But only after SIFF ends and all of the quality movies have left the theater.

And only to see Liza!

Things and more things - Parent and Child edition

I watched the interview that Larry Birkhead did with Meredith Viera on the Today show yesterday morning. I didn't pay a lot of attention a couple of years ago when Anna Nicole Smith died and her then boyfriend Birkhead fought for custody of their child Dannielynn with Anna Nicole's attorney/friend/lover/lackey Howard K. Stern. Birkhead ultimately won custody and Stern remained the executor of Smith's estate. I didn't have any opinion about either men, beyond the fact that they both seemed pretty douchey.
Seeing Birkhead on the Today show was sort of enlightening. He seems like he has a really good head on his shoulder and is actually a decent parent. I like that he and Dannielynn are living a quiet life in Kentucky, and apart from this Anna Nicole Smith auction that he's doing in Vegas, for the most part he's staying out of the limelight.

Speaking of assholes who love the limelight - in the wake of Heidi Montag Pratt filing a restraining order against her mother, there are reports that Spencer Pratt's parents have totally "given up on him" and have removed all traces of him from their home.
Wow. You guys, how awful would it be to be Spencer Pratt's mom or dad? I'd totally disavow any connection to King Douche as well. It's actually nice to hear that they aren't supporting Pratt's actions which are kind of gross.

Sex & The City 2 - Worst movie ever made?

Quite possibly.

I hated almost every aspect of the first Sex & The City movie; but ultimately enjoyed it enough because some of the story arcs were engaging and more importantly, I still felt a deep connection to the characters. And seriously, who didn't want Carrie and Big to have their happy ending.

Last night on The Daily Show, producer/writer/director Michael Patrick King was on, and it's a testament to the talent of Jon Stewart that he was able to show the clip from the Sex & The City 2 movie and not guffaw, do a spit take, or generally not say "What the f*ck was that?" afterwards. Instead Stewart wisely said nothing and brought King out where they promptly avoided talking about the movie altogether except to mention that it wasn't filmed in NY/LA and instead focused the entire interview on a road trip the two of them once took from LA to Marin County back in the early 90s(?!!).

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Michael Patrick King
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

You guys? This movie is going to SUCK ASS. And yet, I think two friends and I are going to see it in the theater on opening day. Sigh...
I need professional help don't I?

God love him...

Okay I love Timothy Olyphant, but was he drunk on Bonnie Hunt today? Lord, he was strange. But so charming and awesome at the same time, so it was wildly entertaining.

Poor Whitney...

Maybe she made her "comeback" too soon. I think she needs to take a break from the road...and maybe the drugs.

You're looking at a winner!

This is the dude that just won $258 million dollars yesterday. (Well actually it's $124 million if he takes the lump sum; minus the 6 mil or so he'd pay in state taxes, not to mention federal taxes).

He's young, unlike most lottery winners, so personally I'd take the payout option, where the lottery commission pays you 30 installments over 30 years or whatever.

I don't know the pros/cons of this, I just know that most people take the lump sum. But maybe that's just good ol' American greed for ya', and not some smart money management scheme.

I sincerely hope that the first thing young Chris Shaw does is fix that grill.

The Real World/Road Rules Challenge - a story of addiction told in pictures

Once again my guiltiest of guilty pleasures has sucked me back in for another season. This time these fame-whore, human petri dishes are destroying some nice place in the woods of British Columbia. What is it about this show that keeps me coming back? It's certainly not the "challenges" which are seriously super lame; and it's not the host TJ Lavin, the biggest stoner on the planet. Does the dude to the left seem like a dynamic tv host? 'Cause he's not. Is this all TJ does now? Is he still a "professional BMX racer" whatever that is?

So if it's not the structure of the show itself, or the host, could it be the cast? You can't call them contestants really, because although there is a monetary prize, these aren't your typical game players, even under reality tv standards.

Yes, as deplorable and disgusting as most of these arseholes are, I find them wildly entertaining. Let's take a look at some of them:

First, I can't talk about the Challenge without talking about Kenny Santucci. Although there were several Challenge seasons televised before Kenny made a strong first impression showing up on the scene in the original "Fresh Meat" competition, he's quickly established himself as MTV's go-to guy for this ridiculous show. I unabashedly and without shame adore Kenny. And when he almost went home this week (in only the 2nd ep of the season!) I was really sad. But hopefully he and Landon can put past differences aside and work together to take control again.

Speaking of Landon. I now pronounce you Husband and Bear.

Sigh...I love Landon to distraction. The dimples, the body of course, his weird high-pitched mid-western accented voice, his sexual charisma that manages to be super-hetero and ambiguously gay at the same time. If Landon is in a Challenge I will always be cheering for him to win, which surprisingly he has not done yet. It's your time baby! Even if you are saddled with big dumb Carley as a partner.

Speaking of dumb, one of this season's mini-serial dramas involves new Fresh Meat girl Theresa, who's paired up with token gay alumn Ryan. Theresa started drama the first night in the house when she got wasted and came on strong to Kenny, propositioning and declaring her lust for him before she'd even been playing the game 24 hours. Kenny turned her offer of sex down. Which she took like a trouper. immediately turning her charms on pasty asshole Wes who gladly agreed to be boot-knockin' buddies with her. Let's take a direct quote from her shall we? "Being considered the 'hot girl' is really awkward. All the guys are very good looking so it's kinda fun. But then again it could be a bad thing". You think?

Ok, first up, who the hell said you were the "hot girl"? You're cute (sort of, I guess) but there are a lot better looking girls in this season's competition, and certainly in the history of the show. Second, your boy crazy ways are going to f*ck you in this game, rookie. And that doesn't bode well for Ryan. Can the cute gay boy ever catch a break in this game?

Finally, you chose Wes? You call this fugly ginger hot? Not only is he a psychopathic loose cannon, he's also insanely competitive and jealous of Kenny, who stole Wes's fiance (the gorgeous, but stupid Johanna). Now Wes has hooked up with Theresa and doesn't yet know that she was Kenny's reject and that he was 2nd choice. Oh, Wes. I'll be seriously disappointed if this king douche wins another Challenge. Especially if Kenny and Landon don't make it to the finals. Now, I have to get back to my tv watching.

TV Round Up for the week

I'll start off with just a little blurb about my favorite dance competition show So You Think You Can Dance. I follow producer/head judge Nigel Lythgoe on Twitter (@dizzyfeet) and he's revealed this week that there will be some changes coming for Season 7 this summer.
First, they're moving back to the way they did the partnering thing in Season 1, where the top 20 finalists will switch partners each week. For the past five seasons couples were chosen by the producers and stayed together until the top 10 where they then changed every week. I'm both excited and a little anxious about this change back to the original format. On the one hand it really stretches contestants while allowing the best to shine and show real spark and personality with certain people. Take this past season - Jakob and Ellenore were MAGIC together. Imagine if we had been able to see them partnered more throughout the season? On the other hand, it's been nice to see real relationships develop and to cheer for certain couples that had that special quality - i.e. Dominic/Sabra, Chelsie/Mark, Melissa/Ade, Katee/Joshua; so I'm torn.

The other change that Nigel revealed in a tweet this week is that they will only be eliminating one dancer a week. This puzzles me. How will that work regarding routines? Will the odd dancer end up dancing twice in one week? Will a dancer only dance solo?
I like the idea of switching things up on this show even when it doesn't work - like when they decided to air season 6 in the fall and not do a S6 tour, even though last season saw some of the most promising dancers ever to grace this competition. I was angry about that but I love this show enough to go along for the ride no matter what; c'mon Summer, get here soon!



Bravo reality shows - Best of the week as always goes to Kell On Earth. I don't know what I'll do without my beloved Andrew and Skinner after next week's finale. Or who I'll turn to for no-nonsense advice besides Kelly Cutrone.
Worst of the week is a tie between Shear Genius and the NY Real Housewives. My ferocious love of Jonathan Antin is failing to save the hair cutting competition show. I removed my season pass this week after Jon got robbed(!) by not only not winning the challenge but being in the bottom 2 with Brig. And my intense hatred of wonder-twins Matthew and Janine continues to grow, endearing me to Brig of all people. Stop it show!
And don't get me started about the Real Housewives. My gawd, is Bravo purposely trying to ruin this fawking franchise for me? First there was this past OC season which was insufferable and had me rooting for Vicky Gundalfson which is a sign of the apocalypse. And now this new NY season has shown my girl Bethenny to be a HEINOUS bitch, and faves Leanne and Jill to kind of be jealous old ladies. Why are you torturing me Bravo/Andy Cohen? I'm actually starting to enjoy the antics of Kelly Bensimone which is something I can't abide so I am done watching this crap show.

American Idol - for a season that looked so promising during Hollywood Week, I can't remember being this disappointed and bored and disillusioned with a batch of AI contestants since maybe season 3 (the year of Diana Degarmo, Jasmine Trias, John Stevens and George Huff, all of whom I loathed); but at least that season had the battle of the divas with awesome Jennifer Hudson and ultimate winner Fantasia Barrino. This season? Nothing.
There's amazing Crystal Bowersox and quirky-as-shit Siobhan Magnus but let's face it, neither of these ladies are going to win. And there's some eye candy in the form of Casey, Lee, and Tim, but this is the first season in maybe ever that there hasn't been at least one person who I care about. At all. I could give a crap about any of these people going home or winning this contest. I haven't even purchased any iTunes downloads for this season; I have at least 2 from every season since 19Entertainment started partnering with iTunes back in Season 6. I'm this close to being done with the show altogether, but I know something cheesy like Barry Manilow night will suck me right back in.
But if these damn kids don't start choosing better songs to sing, I'm going to punch someone.

Best TV-related thing I've heard all week (maybe all month) -
Mike Tyson is getting his own show about PIGEON RACING. Hee hee hee


Yes folks. There are actually people that race pigeons.


They're organized and everything.
Can you say TIVO season pass?