Presented without comment...

Okay, I lied. ONE comment -

Why the fuck does Phil Collins have a tambourine shoved into his sweatpants in this photo?!

For the love of..."Big Business"

Yesterday I revisited an old favorite of mine. I probably hadn't seen this movie all the way through in almost 20 years.

Big Business is an infinitely stupid and predictable film, but boy is it the perfect anecdote, when you've had a shitty day and all you want to do is veg on the couch while eating a crapload of carbohydrates. I'm not sure why more movies like this aren't streaming on Netflix etc. Films of this ilk - "Ruthless People", "Troop Beverly Hills", "Outrageous Fortune", "Baby Boom" ,"First Wives Club" - are great things to put on when you want a few laughs, have 90 min to kill, and/or just want something brainless, yet enjoyable on in the background as you cook, clean, or nap.

Back to Big Business - Can I just say that, Ratcliffe/Shelton sisters aside,  this movie is really about the love story of Moramax's most faithful employees, Graham and Chuck. They were making their relationship work, even while working together, in what was probably a very homophobic environment. Sadie and Rose both seem to know and happily accept their coupledom. Graham and Chuck were gay pioneers! We're talking over 25 years ago!

Edward Hermann's facial expressions throughout this movie are priceless.

Presented without comment...

Today's Mood...

Will you look at Nick Rhodes' AMAZING black ruffled, puffy shirt. He was my first crush that made me feel all weird inside because his sexuality was so ambiguous.
BTdubs - Rhodes still looks amazing today in his 50s!

Today's soundtrack...

The Bee Gees -
 Album: "Main Course"
Song: "Nights on Broadway"
Video: From an episode of "The Midnight Special" featuring a COKED OUT Natalie Cole

Is it 1990?

20 year old me would have been very happy about this photo of Tom Cruise as Stacee Jaxx from the movie musical Rock of Ages coming out soon. 

Long live late 80s hair metal bands and the shirtless, long-haired singers who led them!

Anatomy of a Music Video - Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam's "Lost in Emotion"

Let's analyze this gem, shall we?

1. A few words about the clothes just to get them out of the way. There are TWO people wearing Hammer-style harem pants with reeeeeeally long zippers sewn into them. One is a man and the other is Lisa Lisa herself. The purpose of these 14 inch zippers is lost to time.
2. Speaking of zippers...wow, I forgot how popular it was in the mid 1980s to have multiple zippers (that again, served no purpose) on everything! Pants, jackets, shirts, SOCKS. This video has them all.
3. It also has men wearing multilple, colored skinny leather belts wrapped around the legs of their pants. Was this a style?
4. One of the main guys in the video is sporting a Civil War era inspired Confederacy hat. Charming. Maybe that's why Lisa Lisa gives him the stink eye.
5. I hated this shit back then when I was living it - Shoulder Pads in every single blouse, jacket, and T-shirt. Both men and women; young and old.
6. And so many headbands.
7. One of the dudes working at the carnival is wearing what can only be called a "tropical shant suit". "Shant", for the uninitiated, stands for "Short Pant". Take a gander around minute 2:00.

• One of the plot points at the beginning of this video, which is set at some kind of carnival or as the sign says - "New Street Fair", involves one of Lisa's homegirls not being able to get ketchup to come out of the bottle onto her burger.
• I guess Lisa Lisa is looking for love, but isn't interested in any of the guys who are trying to pick up on her and her friends?
• And then there's a bit about Lisa climbing on stage because there's a carnival sign that says "COME - Sing with the Street Fair Band". WTF? Weak plot.
• Finally everyone does a synchronized dance to the last verse of the song, that Lisa Lisa has been singing by herself for over 3 minutes.
• Did she actually go by Lisa Lisa in real life?

Que sera, que sera.

What the hell you guys?!!

Heather Locklear and Jack Wagner called off their engagement! After only 3 months. Well, to be truthful they've been friends forever and have dated off and on since their divorces from Richie Sambora and Kristina Wagner respectively.
So are they just putting the wedding on hold, or are they really splitsville? I was really pulling for them as a couple. Maybe Heather got angry that Jack wasn't singing "All I Need" to her every morning? That's what I would demand if he were my boyfriend.

Remember the 80s when Jack Wagner looked like this?

He made the mullet WERQ people!

Anatomy of a music video - Bee Gees Edition Volumes 1 and 2

The music videos made in the late 1970s for two of the hits by the Bee Gees off of the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack are a study in contrasts.
Let's examine the contrasts between the videos for "How Deep Is Your Love" and "Staying Alive".

We'll start with "Staying Alive" -

• I dare you to pull your eyes away from the moose knuckle that Barry Gibb is sporting in those TIGHT white pants of his. You can't do it can you? His junk is mesmerizing.
• Umm, where was this filmed? The words on the old train car looks like it says Cork? But would there really have been an area in that part of England that was that run-down and abandoned looking?
• Can we just all agree that Barry Gibb had fucking fabulous hair? Feathered, bouncin' and behavin' perfection.
• Maurice and Robin on the other hand...no. Those twins definitely got the raw end of that deal.
• Actually Maurice had a nice face, and his beard is neat and trimmed here, unlike some people, Barry.
• When I was 11 my two friends and I would imitate the moves the Gibbs make when they pop into the open window and door frames during the "ah ha ah ha stayling alive" part.
• What is with Barry's silver jacket? And does he really need a gold necklace and a larger chain with a medalion? Or his cuban-heeled ankle boots? He's a tall dude. All this is still not enough to distract me from looking at his crotch.
• I think my dad had the same shirt as the one Maurice is wearing.
• Seriously, where was this filmed? Were there still war-torn parts of Eastern Europe in the 70s? What is with all of the empty and destroyed houses?

Now comparatively the video for "How Deep Is Your Love" is on a whole other level. And it's not necessarily a better one.

• The budget was considerably lower for this one obviously. They're on some studio soundstage with random lights set up and the camera is following the Gibb brothers as they alternately walk around in a circle, or stand in a circle as the camera pans around them.
• Seriously, more than half of the video is them WALKING AROUND IN A CIRCLE. They could've filmed this in my garage.
• And who are those random handful of faceless people standing around in the center of the circle? Party guests? Electricians and best boys that work at the studio who didn't realize they were in the shot?
• Robin Gibb really is unfortunate looking, isn't he.
• Barry on the other hand is looking his most fantastic. His hair was never more lustrous and his beard is neat this time around. Also, while I'm sure he's wearing the tightest possible trousers, the camera never pans down past his mid chest until the end of the video, and then it's only his butt that we see  so we're not nearly as distracted.
• BTdubs, check out the top of the comment thread from the link above for a gem from some dude named serq199113. I admire his sentiment.

We can all agree that this is a TERRIFYING image, can't we?

Good Lord, Andy Murray is really unfortunate looking.

Greatest thing I've seen on TV this week

I watched an episode of the television show Fame this week. It was from season 5 titled "His Majesty Donlon", which focused on Chris (*in a staggering performance by Billy Hufsey) who gets caught up in political intrigue when a Prince Freddy of Vatonia visits New York to make a speech for a United Nations' event.
You see, Chris is the prince's perfect look-a-like, except of course for a birthmark on his chest, so is chosen to switch places with him after Prince Freddy's life is threatened because he's trying to marry some baron's daughter from the USSR?
Oh and CRAZILY the Russian baron's daughter? Is a doppelganger for Nicole (Nia Peeples) who coincidentally is Chris' dance partner for the big ballet performance that the highschool is doing that week. But for some reason they don't really make that big of a deal about Nicole looking identical to the Russian chick? SO confusing.



A couple of things that struck me while watching this gem -

• The whole "fake twin" plot was such a late 70s/early 80s go-to device but it was usually reserved for shark jumping stage when the show was taking its last gasps before cancellation. And yet, Fame went on for another season and a half after this turd aired.
• Another cliched trope from that period of television were infinite fake eastern European countries that they were always coming up with. Vatonia? Really?
• I had completely forgotten that every episode of Fame ended with a song/video/dance routine montage done on the streets of "New York". EVERY episode. 
• I loved this show so much in my early teen years. I mean seriously loved. Was I on drugs?

*Sarcasm used liberally

Television in Review - 2011 Grammy Awards

It's been years since I've actually watched the live Grammy telecast all the way through. But last night, hopped up on cold medicine and in a sated food coma from a delicious roast chicken meal prepared by my friend John, I was in just the right mood and position to watch the show. All 3 and a half hours of it! And here are some of the random thoughts that I came away with.

• Almost 85 minutes in and they had only given one award out for best Pop Album. It was disconcerting, but gave the message loud and clear that the night's telecast would be about the performances and not about the awards (most of which ended up being given out earlier in the day).
• Suprises of the night:

Arcade Fire winning Album of the Year and denying Lady Antebellum the top 3 sweep

Esperanza Spalding winning Best New Artist and denying the Bieber dominance. I love her and didn't even know she was nominated in this category. When her name was announced, the shock on everyone's faces was awesome!

• It's official. Katy Perry has won. I kind of love her now. Damn it.

• I still don't really get the Bruno Mars thing. But after last night's incredible performance with Janelle Monae and B.O.B., I'm starting to see the appeal.

• As much as I loathe Bob Dylan "singing" live, I enjoyed the hell out of the performance he did with Mumford and Sons and The Avett Brothers. Mostly because it contained more Sons and Brothers than Dylan.

• Cee Lo Green dressed like a 1975 Elton John and singing Muppets (and Gwyneth Paltrow in a cat suit and killer pumps) makes anything better.

• Lady Gaga is a fawking nut but she sure can write a catchy song. And knows her audience. But seriously I don't get the continuing comparison to Madonna or understand why people think this new song copies her?

 

Music Video Dissection - Xmas Edition

Wham!'s Last Christmas:

• Oh 80s George Michael, how I've missed you.
• Andrew Ridgely really was sort of a non-entity in the band at this point wasn't he? It's a shame. He has a really good voice actually and wrote a bunch of their songs.
• Okay, just where in Europe are they? Where they seem to have private ski lifts that just let you out in front of your huge 40 room "cabin".
• 1 min 10 sec mark - What kind of ski house/cabin doesn't have a walk way to the front door? These people have to schlep all of their luggage (filled with hair spray and mousse) over a wood fence and through the back yard.
• Have you ever seen so many shoulder pads and pleated trousers in one place? (Men and women included)
• So the premise here is that George was dating the girl that Andrew's currently boinking "last Christmas". uh huh, I think George might have been hooking up with the dude that brings in the firewood at the 1 min 35 sec mark.
• I think my mom owned the white and blue window-pane checked jacket that Andrew Ridgely is wearing at 1 min 43 sec. 
• George Michael looks so pretty (and is wearing so much make up) wearing that fur-hooded coat at 1 min 54 sec. Also, with the fence climbing again. Ever hear of a gate?
• 2 min 20 sec mark - Oooh Sparkler Cake!
• 2 min 29 sec/3 min 15 sec - Let me get this straight. George gave this chick a "diamond" brooch the Xmas before and she has now regifted it to ANDREW?! That is so messed up on so many levels.
• 3 min 23 sec mark - There they go, having to climb over the fence again with all of their luggage and crap. A huge oversight in the design of this million dollar ski chalet.
• 4 min 17 sec mark - I love how only one guy brought skis, but the black lady is wearing ski goggles as like regular sunglasses.
• And that's it. It just ends. There's absolutely no resolution. George's old girlfriend seems to be flirting with him and seems to regret her decision to move on to Andrew. George seems forlorn (hence the lyrics in the song) but in the end I guess realizes that he's better off with his new blond piece, then with someone who just takes perfectly ugly but thoughtful gifts of jewelry and gives them to her new boyfriend (who is also a friend).

Wow. Merry Christmas y'all!

TV Week in Review Oct. 25 - 29

Some thoughts on this week's addictions -

Project Runway: Everyone's already ranted and complained about the finale outcome on the interwebs, so the less said from me the better. I'll only add another WTF?! to the thousands exclaimed last night. Mondo was robbed.

Sound of Music cast on Oprah: The entire cast was reunited for the first time in 45 years. It was an amazing episode despite the fact that I wanted to jump through the screen and back in time to throttle Oprah Winfrey. Seriously, why is she so damn annoying?! Also, Christopher Plummer is the hottest 80 year-old ever and I would still run away with him to be his sex slave in a minute.

RW/RR The Challenge: Cutthroat - All you really need to know is that this week's Gulag challenge involved slapping the shit out of your opponent with a fly swatter while holding up a 20lb bucket. And that before the nature of the challenge was revealed, all of the cast were wildly speculating about what it would involve. Some of the best ideas about what the challenge would be about? Brandon's suggestion that the guys would have a dualing "boners" contest and see who would kiss each other first, Brad's overly serious (duh!)insistence that it would involve FIRE, and Danimal's idea that the contestants might get water-boarded. If only. The red team won again so Brandon was safe another week. My Johnny Bananas hair hatred continues unabated. And I still want to find that Czech bar patron who punched Johnny and buy him a beer. And maybe pay him to kick Bananas in the nuts. God, I can't wait for CT to get to Prague and maybe kick some of these people's asses.

Glee - This Rocky Horror episode could've been so much worse. I think that's why, once again, I'm in the minority of those who enjoyed it. I had really low expectations that were succeeded. And hello, I got my wish to see my boyfriend John Stamos sing on the show. And Matthew Morrison and Chord Overstreet were shirtless so there's that.

"So, there you go."

Thoughts on this week's episode of The Challenge: Cut(My)throat -

• Awesome part 1: Batshit crazy Katie!!! Gawddam, I love this little psycho. And I felt so bad for her when her team sent her into the Gulag instead of useless, annoying Theresa. I'm glad Katie lived to fight (and beat/scream down bitches) another day.
• Awesome part 2: After Katie (rightfully) flipped the f*ck out on Ty for being a mysogonistic, hypocritical asshole, Derrick's response regarding Ty and Emily getting a taste of Katie's crazy - "So...there you go."
• Awesome part 3: The Red Team won this week so Brandon didn't have to go into the Gulag.

• My obsession with Johnny Bananas' hair week #3: I'm truly trying to rack my brain to remember if Bananas always had such whack, fake looking hair and I just ignored it. But I don't recall it ever being this bad - Hair Club For Men lookin', flat-ironed weirdness.

• Awesome part 4: Bananas got punched in the face by a Czech citizen. Thank you brave man whoever you are!
• Awesome part 5: "Medium" Easy whipped dumb Vinnie's ass in the Gulag! And then Vinnie was so mad about it that he acted like a little whiner afterwards. Now, I hope that the rest of the Blue team (minus loyal Derrick and Katie) step up and appreciate the good that Easy brings to their team. Send Bananas into the Gulag you dumbasses!

• Horrible Laurel and her hate-filled spew towards Erik was easily one of the grossest things I've ever seen on this show. Laurel is a digusting mess, who has some SERIOUS mental health issues.

Above: Laurel keepin' it classy in the hot tub.
Who needs mixed drinks when you can just mix your own directly in your mouth?!

Hey, where's my multi-million dollar contract?!

I have hair exactly like Troy Polamalu from the Pittsburgh Steelers.

The difference between me and Troy? (besides the fact that I'm an almost 40 year old woman who's not athletic and he's a marginally talented defensive safety for one of the best teams in the NFL )

He just insured his luscious unmanageably frizzy locks for a million dollars after signing an endorsement deal with Head and Shoulders shampoo. Sigh...I wish Troy would focus on tackling fools instead of his hair follicles so that my beloved Steelers could win another Super Bowl ring.

I don't know how much of this I really blame on Troy. It's Lloyd's of London who's insuring his hair, and they're no strangers to insuring famous people's body parts (Tina Turner's legs, J.Lo's butt, Celine's vocal chords) just for publicity.

Shameless famewhores is what they are, but then again here I am talking about them so I guess the joke's on me.

But seriously Troy - can you hook a sister up with some free hair product?

TV Round-up - Project Runway Season 8 and the return of two faves

Season 8 of Project Runway premiered last night. The designers are competing for a show in September's Fashion Week which isn't as "big" as FW in February but will still always be a bigger deal than LA Fashion Week. I don't think we've had a PR season go to September FW since season 3 but I could be remembering wrong.

Anyway, for some reason, I'm not that excited about this new season. First, they've changed the format so that the show is 90 minutes long now instead of an hour format. Why are they doing this? If it means that we'll eventually get longer Tim mentor segments or the full runway critiques than I'm all for it; but if they continue to use it as a platform for giving more time to the insipid hair/make-up sessions, like they did last night, then I am concerned. The 90 min premier also worked last night because we had so many designers to get through (17!!) but I can see the extra half hour becoming tedious and lame as the season progresses. And does this mean that Lifetime won't be doing a "Models Of The Runway" show? Am I the only person that enjoyed this program? Must be...

This season's crop of designers seems to be littered with a lot of crazy and not a lot of talent. I was totally annoyed that McKell was the first designer auf'ed, when that stupid Jason dude was so annoying and so obviously lacking anything remotely resembling talent got to stick around. I think Tim Gunn agreed with me - he seemed very put out about McKell leaving. Her dress was cute!!

I can't remember a season of Runway premiering that ever left me with such a bad taste in my mouth. It doesn't bode well.

But let's talk about happier, brighter things, like the new show that premiered right after PR, featuring two former Project Runway designers: On The Road with Austin and Santino

This gem could prove to be my new obsession and all-time fave reality show this summer.

Seriously, two of my favorite Project Runway finalists doing a makeover show that's a cross between What Not To Wear and Green Acres? What's not to love!? Although Santino baby, is that a new wig/hair piece you're wearing? No sweetie. No.

I adored last night's premier with the cowgirl that does the horse stunts. Everything about the show was adorable - Austin and Santino's relationship; their tomboy client Shelby Lynn and her family, especially her awesome stepdad who's a rodeo clown; the weird historic "castle" that they shoved the homos into to use as a design studio; Weatherford TX, and its citizens' reactions to Santino and especially Austin. If every episode of this show is half as entertaining as this first one, I think we have a winner.

Big Brother Season 12 - Get to know the House Guests

Whoa. How can it already be time for another season of Big Brother to start up again? 2010 is moving fast. But here we are in July, with another dose of my favorite TV crack waiting to be administered on July 8.
For the past 9 seasons Allison Groder and the other producers have tried to cram "twists" down our throats to keep things "unexpected" in the game. Some of these antics have worked better than others, but this season they're going with having a mole, sorry, a "saboteur" in the house that will be tasked with messing things up for their fellow houseguests. Now, I'm really hoping that unlike Season 8 with Eric being "America's Player", that this saboteur isn't affected by the votes of the other HGs so that they're not voted off too soon. Will it be like The Mole where the all of the HGs know that one among them is this traitor, so that everyone's off guard right from the beginning? If in fact the mole is voted off early on, will BB choose another HG to take over? Inquiring minds!

I finally took some time to review Season 12's cast. And of course I have opinions.
First impressions:
SO MUCH pre-hate for Annie. Her favorite BB contestant is Evel Dick? Uh, no. We’re done here.

Andrew, on paper seems like the kind of guy that I usually fawking hate. But I said the same thing about Jeff last season and I ended up loving him.

They cast Enzo strictly because he fits the Bayonne, NJ Guido “Jersey Shore” stereotype. *eyeroll* Although it amused me to no end that his favorite all-time BB player is Season 1 Justin. WTF?!

Brendon. Hmm. Cute and doesn’t seem too douchey, and has a Ph.D. in biometric physics. But when asked to use 3 adjectives to describe himself, one of the ones he used was “intelligible” which gave me pause. Did he really mean to describe himself as someone who is easily understood, or is he one of those assholes who just throws words out in conversation trying to sound smarter than he is? If it’s the former than I might end up loving this guy.

I want to like Kathy. She’s my age, seems sort of kick-ass (she’s a sheriff deputy), seems to love BB and know its history, and has survived cancer (which I hope is the excuse for her fugly hair) so seems to be ready for anything. I hope to hell she doesn’t end up being a shrill harpy.

Kristen. I am wary of anyone who claims to be “misunderstood by strangers”. This almost always means – PSYCHO BITCH

Matt seems like guys that I’m friends with, and is one of my top picks for being this season’s “Mole”. I also thought what he said about Dr. Will and his favorite BB player was very astute: "Since the beginning I've liked Will, but his strategy would never work anymore. People play the game too much now. So, I'd have to go with Dan as my favorite."

I hope to hell that Monet ends up being as cool as she seems from her profile. But I’ve been burned before.

Lane is your typical BB cast big dumb jock. He seems nice though. But that’s what I thought about Jesse when I read his bio and we all know how that turned out.

Hayden is another stereotypical BB houseguest. I hope he’s cuter in real life than in his photo. His hair could bug.

Britney Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Rachel has VERY UNFORTUNATE hair and seems like a Vegas whore. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

And finally we have Ragan who methinks is the token “gay” of this season (West Hollywood represent!). He’s also AWESOME. (at least from his profile) So this means that he’ll probably lose because the people I like never win (Will and Jordan are exceptions). He's another candidate for the mole but he almost seems too obvious a choice.

Here we go folks.

Celebrity Apprentice

Ok, something that you should know off the top - I HATE Donald Trump. Seriously, if I saw him on the streets of NYC, I would weigh the pros/cons about kicking him in the nuts.

And generally I have hated the Apprentice franchise that NBC has been running into the ground for the past decade. I haven't watched the show since the 2nd season (except for the one season that Martha Stewart did), and the clips I have seen over the years on The Soup or other various "news" shows have been ridiculous and not in a good way.

But last season's celebrity addition seemed to be quite over-the-top and like a bad fever dream in the best possible way; what with Joan and Melissa Rivers being well, themselves, and Clint Black making a commercial where he simulated masturbating with laundry detergent? Ummm, yeah. Anyway, last year's celebrity edition has seemed to have resuscitated the series and it has a new lease on life.

The proof? Check out TWoP's link to get a gander at the celebrity contestants for Season 3. Brett Michaels and his bad wig? Rob Blagojevich and his bad hair? Sharon Osbourne who always brings a tinge of the crazy but is an insanely good business woman? Cyndi Lauper (love her)? Hottie chef Curtis Stone? Sinbad!?

Count me in people!

That other dancing show...

The problem with having two DVRs (I know I know it's pathetic how much tv I watch) is that because there's only so many hours in the day, I end up watching certain shows days after they've originally aired and feeling behind the times when I discover something awesome that people have already talked about and is now totally played out and eye-roll inducing to everyone else.

So I haven't really been faithfully watching this season of Dancing With the Stars. Basically I've watched the results shows, because they replay the dances from the night before so I don't miss anything but the dumb filler, the results show is where they show "Dance Center" which continually is awesome, and the professional dancer showcases are also on Tuesday.
Last night's results show was a total gem that I can't believe I didn't know about until this evening. First of all the motherfuckin' BEE GEES performed. Y'all know I love me some Barry Gibb; even in all his current bad denture/receding hairline glory. And while Robin Gibb is seriously one of the scariest people alive, his face and "hair" are comedy gold.
So there's that gem, plus the show's fans voted to have past season contender Melissa Rycroft come back and dance in the pro showcase with Tony Dovolani. But here's where the really awesome part of the show comes in. The pro showcase didn't just feature Tony and Melissa. Performing with them were SYTYCD alums, Chelsie Hightower and...MY BOYFRIEND Artem Chigvintsev! You guys, I love Artem. After 6 seasons of wonderful dancers he's still in my top 10 list of SYTYCD competitors. I was sad when they changed the opening credits of that show this year because they took out all of the great Artem parts.
I knew that he was involved in the DWtS national tour but I'd never seen him on the actual show before tonight. As an aside, I was sorry to recently hear that Artem and DWtS judge Carrie Ann Inaba had broken up earlier this year. They were one "cougar" couple that I was excited about. They were so cute together and despite their 15 year age difference seemed to make it work. Supposedly they parted on great terms and remain friends.
The DWtS performance with my favorite former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader Melissa Rycroft is linked here.

And another video featuring my boyfriend Artem:

C'mon! Isn't he adorable?

And finally one short note about tonight's results for SYTYCD. After an AMAZING opening number choreographed by Wade and Amanda Robson, I wasn't surprised that the judges let Kevin and Channing go. I was a little disappointed by Channing's ax though. Her solo was better than Karen's and especially Mollee's. Oh well. Victor gets a 3rd partner in as many weeks and a strange pairing at that with Karen, but we'll see.