Music Video Dissection - Xmas Edition

Wham!'s Last Christmas:

• Oh 80s George Michael, how I've missed you.
• Andrew Ridgely really was sort of a non-entity in the band at this point wasn't he? It's a shame. He has a really good voice actually and wrote a bunch of their songs.
• Okay, just where in Europe are they? Where they seem to have private ski lifts that just let you out in front of your huge 40 room "cabin".
• 1 min 10 sec mark - What kind of ski house/cabin doesn't have a walk way to the front door? These people have to schlep all of their luggage (filled with hair spray and mousse) over a wood fence and through the back yard.
• Have you ever seen so many shoulder pads and pleated trousers in one place? (Men and women included)
• So the premise here is that George was dating the girl that Andrew's currently boinking "last Christmas". uh huh, I think George might have been hooking up with the dude that brings in the firewood at the 1 min 35 sec mark.
• I think my mom owned the white and blue window-pane checked jacket that Andrew Ridgely is wearing at 1 min 43 sec. 
• George Michael looks so pretty (and is wearing so much make up) wearing that fur-hooded coat at 1 min 54 sec. Also, with the fence climbing again. Ever hear of a gate?
• 2 min 20 sec mark - Oooh Sparkler Cake!
• 2 min 29 sec/3 min 15 sec - Let me get this straight. George gave this chick a "diamond" brooch the Xmas before and she has now regifted it to ANDREW?! That is so messed up on so many levels.
• 3 min 23 sec mark - There they go, having to climb over the fence again with all of their luggage and crap. A huge oversight in the design of this million dollar ski chalet.
• 4 min 17 sec mark - I love how only one guy brought skis, but the black lady is wearing ski goggles as like regular sunglasses.
• And that's it. It just ends. There's absolutely no resolution. George's old girlfriend seems to be flirting with him and seems to regret her decision to move on to Andrew. George seems forlorn (hence the lyrics in the song) but in the end I guess realizes that he's better off with his new blond piece, then with someone who just takes perfectly ugly but thoughtful gifts of jewelry and gives them to her new boyfriend (who is also a friend).

Wow. Merry Christmas y'all!

Stop F*cking Up the Holiday Season, KRWM!

I've ranted about this before, but it bears being complained about again. The Seattle radio station that I use as my alarm clock wake up, "WARM" 106.9, changes their format from adult contemporary to Holiday music every year in November.
But pretty soon I'm afraid that they'll just give in altogether and start the Christmas music as soon as Halloween is over. This year KRWM began playing their "all holiday hits, all the time" play lists the day after Veteran's Day. The fact that I had to wake up to Andy Williams singing about "the most wonderful time of the year" before we were even two weeks into November enraged me to no end.
I try to follow a strict "no holiday music before Thanksgiving" rule with my own personal collections, and this has already been tested this year because the singing group that I'm in has already been practicing the pieces for our holiday concert on December 18. But I was sort of able to compartmentalize this is my head and not think of those songs as Christmas music.
But I can't control all of the stuff going on around me and it's annoying me. It's not only the radio that I have to contend with - grocery stores, clothing stores (shame on you Banana Republic!), movie theater lobbies are all playing holiday music. iTunes is torturing me with enticements of free MP3s of new holiday pop songs, and advertising the hell out of the Glee Christmas album (goddammit! I won't pre-order it no matter how much you tempt me with the adorable Chris Colfer and Darren Criss singing Baby It's Cold Outside. But I'm only human, please stop!)
I'm already not looking forward to the 2010 holiday season for a myriad of personal reasons. And I LOVE Christmas music and rely on it putting me in a better mood. But if the world around me insists on smothering me with holiday good cheer this early on, I'm afraid that by the time Christmas actually rolls around I'll be on the verge of embarking on a homicidal rampage where everyone in my vicinity will feel my wrath.
Prepare yourselves Seattle.

A little mini rant - Merry Christmas to all...

• Cheesy ads for tired and old celebrity fragrances: Why is it that every holiday season the powers that be drag out the horrible White Diamonds advertisement to torture us? Seriously, who the hell still wears "White Diamonds"?! It smells like cat piss and baby powder and it was first on the market in 1985! The Britney Spears fragrance collection isn't any better; they drag out the old pre-baby Spears ad for Curious or "Inquisitive" or whatever the fuck it's called. Seeing these ads wouldn't irk me so much if they played on a regular rotation throughout the year; but they only play during Christmas/Hannukah. Almost assuredly geared towards hapless men who haven't figured out what to get their wives/girlfriends. Hey guys? Women don't want cheap perfume!
• I hate when UPS/USPS/FedEx etc. promise that a package will be delivered by Christmas Eve and then they don't deliver on that promise.
• If I hear any of the following holiday songs again in the next 12 months I will punch someone: Silent Night, Wonderful Christmastime, Step into Christmas, Feliz Navidad, anything sung by Johnny Mathis.
• I hate being sick at Christmas time. It sucks balls. I have no patience, and no energy to do anything and I have a lot to do. Uggh, is it 2010 yet?

Holiday Music

Happy December!

I traditionally wait until the day after Thanksgiving to start listening to my own holiday music collection. But pretty much from the day you start cooking your turkey and dressing you can count on hearing holiday music in all of the stores, malls, elevators etc. and everywhere you go you're subjected to this zombie-state inducing onslaught.
This year I inadvertently got an early start to the Christmas music exposure because the radio station that I wake up to every morning started playing holiday songs on November 13! Every year, Warm 106.9 exclusively plays only holiday songs (well they say "holiday" but it's really Christmas songs; I haven't heard a Channukah one yet) until the end of the year. In years past they've waited until a decent part of November to start this monotonous torture (I mean seriously they repeat the songs on a daily basis) but this year they turned the insanity up a notch starting so soon after Halloween.

My KRWM station has reminded me of the holiday songs that I love and the ones that I hate. And over the past few days as I've gone through my own holiday music collection I've weeded out songs that have lost the magic and encountered new music that are destined to be classics in my holiday library.

Classic Favorites:

• Pretty much anything by Andy Williams but especially "Most Wonderful Time of the Year" and "Do You Hear What I Hear" (Andy's is the only version of "Hear" that counts IMO).
• "A Charlie Brown Christmas" by Vince Guaraldi. Nothing better. Period. Guaraldi's "Greensleeves" reminds me of my mom so much that I get very verklempt listening to it.
• "Christmas Potrait" from the Carpenters. Reminds me so much of my childhood that for me it's the definition of "holiday nostaligia".
• "These Are The Special Times" by Celine Dion. I know I know...but seriously hear me out. This holiday album is amazing (except for the version of Feliz Navidad - see below). And don't give me grief for calling it a classic. It is.
• "This Christmas" by Donny Hathaway. Only his version of this please.

New stuff and Uncommon oldies that I dig and can't do the season without:

• Any and all versions of the song "Christmas Waltz". I don't know what it is about this tune but as I hear the beginning "frosted window panes..." I am immediately in a better mood.
• In that same vain, I've never heard a version of "My Favorite Things" that I don't love. But damn Barbra Streisand for putting this on her Christmas album 3o years ago and turning it into a holiday song. What would Oscar Hammerstein think?
• James Taylor's versions of "Some Children See Him" and "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas". The first is a song that I only knew from Andy Williams but Taylor's version released a couple of years ago is so wonderful. The latter is a song that has generally worn out its welcome with me and jeezus have you ever really listened to the words? Very depressing. But Taylor's version (he changes the lyrics a little) manages to be poignant and hopeful.
• Kenny Loggins's "Celebrate Me Home" and Dan Fogelberg's "Same Old Lang Syne". I lump these together because, well because in many ways, Dan and Kenny are like the same 70s bearded sensitive songwriter dude. But also because these two songs remind me of my mother.
• "Last Christmas" by Wham! and "Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses. 80s classics that if I don't hear? It ain't Christmas.
• "All I Want For Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey. So infectious and awesome.
• New millenium Folk girl holiday music from the likes of Mindy Smith, Brandi Carlile, Jessie Baylin, Sara Barleilles and the like.

And now a brief list of holiday songs that I can't stand and never have to hear again:

• Feliz Navidad - Makes me homicidal.
• Silent Night - so grating. No version sounds good to me.
• Little Drummer Boy - ditto. All versions make me want to "par rum papum pum" on somebody.
• Wonderful Christmastime. I used to love this McCartney tune and I never understood what people hated about it. I don't know when that changed; now I seriously can't hear more than one measure without getting a migraine.
• I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus. Seriously? I wish I could go back in time to prevent this song from being written. See also: "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth".
• Pretty much anything that I consider "kiddie Xmas". Like crap about Rudolph, Frosty, blah blah blah.
• Most Xmas "novelty" songs. I don't care to hear about grandmas getting run over by reindeer or chipmunks singing, or any of that other shit.

Now I'm off to listen to Lou Rawls's version of "Christmas Is". Have a great December!