One reason to want to go to China

The Jiaozhou Bay bridge opened today in the Chinese eastern port city of Qingdao, linking it to Huangdao island. The bridge spans across the sea for a little over 26 miles making it 2.5 miles longer than the previous longest bridge over water, the Lake Pontchartrain Causeway in Louisiana. I love bridges. The longer the better. The higher the better. LOVE THEM. I mean, not love like that one Belgian lady who wants to have sex with that bridge in France, but I just think they're very cool to look at and to cross. Just look at these pics of the Jiaozhou bridge -

Cool right? It's definitely going on my "bridge-cross" bucket list.

We can all agree that this is a TERRIFYING image, can't we?

Good Lord, Andy Murray is really unfortunate looking.

If anyone out there sees Terrence Malick, punch him in the face for me...

Or Sean Penn. Or even, sigh...my beloved Brad Pitt; would you at least give Brad a little slap on the head for me? Because that's the minimum for what I feel I'm owed after spending 2 hrs 18 min enduring The Tree Of Life. Jeezus. Where should I start with this irksome, self-indulgent, weirdo piece of crap?

Okay, let's start with its writer/director Terrence Malick. I like a lot of his films. Badlands is great, and Days of Heaven is in my top 10 movies of all time. I even liked The New World! In other words, for years I have been a Malick apologist, and have defended his weirdo artistic vision. But damn if I can do it now for Tree of Life.

You guys, it's so bad. It's confusing, with a non-linear narrative that makes no sense. It's too silent in places. Sean Penn is annoying. This film is distractingly abstract and so self-indulgent that it makes me angry.

It all started out so promising. Well sort of. For months and months I had seen the posters and the trailers for the movie. Half of me was filled with giddy anticipation - Brad Pitt and Terrence Malick together at last! - the other half was filled with dread because the trailer seemed a little wacky. But I held on to hope. It won the Palme d'Or at Cannes while it polarized the Cannes audience (standing ovation and booing?). It garnered a 87% on Rotten Tomatoes which is the 2nd highest rating for any Malick film on the site (just under Days of Heaven) which I saw as a good sign. 

Critics seemed to love it. David Edelstein gave a really interesting and positive review of it for NPR. Then came  Roger Ebert's review where he glowed about it, comparing it to the brillance and boldness of 2001: A Space Odyssey. I almost always agree with Ebert; if he could love it so much then I was bound to. Right? Wrong. So wrong.

The movie begins with someone whispering quotes from the Book of Job in the bible. There's a lot of whispering in this film; characters whisper questions like "how can I get close to you?" and "where were you when I laid the foundation..." , that are I guess directed towards God? Or no, maybe God is speaking through this character to another character? I don't know. All I do know is that the first 15 minutes of this movie starts out sort of promising, although a little confusing right out of the gate with Malick jumping all over time as we first see little kids playing in late 50s Texas with their parents, then cut to the mother some years later getting a telegram that her 19 yr old son has died. For a few minutes it seems like we might be going somewhere as the parents, played by Pitt and Jessica Chastain, are shown dealing with their grief. Then we cut to present day(?) where Sean Penn has bad dreams? We see Penn in a big glass skyscraper where he rides the glass elevator a lot and is having trouble concentrating at his work as an architect(?) because maybe his mother just died? Because he and his wife/girlfriend who shares his ultra modern house are both wearing black suits like they're going to a funeral and although she never says a word, she's giving him a look that is annoyed yet tinged with sadness and sympathy. Or something. Keep in mind, throughout these first few scenes there's not really any dialog and almost no exposition, so you have to guess a lot.

And then Malick loses his ever-lovin' gawdamm mind. For the next 20 minutes, Malick shares his vision of Creation. There's a dramatization of the Big Bang, and the beginnings of life on Earth. Volcanoes erupt; microbes form and squiggle around; oceans crash. Then come the DINOSAURS. Yes, you read that correctly. All through this absurdity there's mostly classical music blaring, occasionally broken up by a character's voice asking various goofy existential questions, or complete silence. It was at this point that I thought I might be having a stroke because I couldn't compute the things displaying before me on the screen. But I then looked around at my friend Cathie and several other theater patrons and realized we were all watching the same thing. The couple behind us took off, muttering that they were going to demand their money back, but at that point I was almost more fascinated to see what other craziness was in store rather than caring about when the story would get back on track.

But a "story" never really emerged. After all of the cosmos/creation crap we're dropped straight into the birth of Jack O'Brien in 1950s Waco, TX. We're shown him growing up through early adolescence struggling with his father and being a normal shitty pre-teen, as his mother gives birth to two more brothers (whose names we never know I don't think). In fact, Jack O'Brien is the only full name we ever hear. Pitt and Chastain are Mother and Father, or Mr. and Mrs. O'Brien. Mr. O'Brien is shown to be a sad, ambitious, and stern man who sees himself as a failed musician and inventor, always looking to strike it rich. He's a brutal disiplinarian with the 3 boys, and has weird rules about respect and what the kids (and his wife) should do or say. Every so often the film jumps from 1950s Waco to modern day Sean Penn as "adult Jack". Sean Penn at work and on his dumb elevator; Sean Penn lighting votives in his ultra modern house; Sean Penn at the beach, walking in the desert, walking over rocks, and seeing a bunch of dead(?) people, until finally he walks through a doorway and sees his whole family from back when they were in the 50s and is filled with a sense of peace? We are to assume that these jaunts are all in his brain. I don't know.

You may think that all of what I just wrote was way too spoilerish. It isn't. I don't think I'm conveying how weird and vacant this movie is. NOTHING HAPPENS in it. There is no story to thread any of the scenes together. I could throw out at you a bunch of words - BLUE, CAR, ROCKY, SHOE, EYEBROW, DOG, UNDERPANTS; adjectives and nouns chosen at random, and it would make just as much sense as what I've shared in the previous paragraphs.

We are led to believe that the middle O'brien child, the blondest one who has an affinity for music and plays guitar, is the one that dies. But maybe it was the youngest one who doesn't have one single line in the whole film. Was the dead brother sick? Was it an accident? Was it Vietnam (the time period would be right)? If so, why was it just a regular Western Union guy delivering the news without any gravitas and not someone from the armed forces? Does Jack feel responsible for his brother's death? He seems to because he's haunted by it lo those many years later. But nothing is ever said. There are about 160 other questions that are never answered either. But it gives me a headache to think about them.

This movie experience has shaken me to my core. I was led astray by people I trusted and I'm upset about it. But I'm telling myself that if I hadn't seen The Tree of Life, I wouldn't have been able to rant about it here and warn all of you good people.

Seriously Malick, you not only owe me the $10 for the ticket, but I get to land one good punch somewhere on your body.

SYTYCD Season 8 Top 20 (AGAIN)

Just some brief notes about tonight's performances. DEBBIE REYNOLDS!!!! That's all you really need to know; even though she was sort of a bad judge. She couldn't say anything bad; like a sweet grandma.

Ryan & Ricky (Jazz): Choreographer Mandy Moore really can't give up her 80s music can she? Again compared to other seasons, everyone's really strong but I thought the judges overpraised Ryan and Ricky.

Caitlyn & Mitchell (Contemporary): It was good to see Mitchell out there. He and Caitlyn actually have a good connection; speaking of, I still don't see how Mitchell cut Caitlyn's face? With his foot? Anyway, Stacey Tookey's routines can sometimes leave me cold, but I can't complain about this one.

Missy & Wadi (Cha cha): Is it weird that I like Wadi more after the reveal about the Nair? Jean-Marc's routine was so hard. They were both really challenged and I felt for them. But I like these two and hope they stick around.

Iveta & Nick (Bollywood): I love Nick and his chicken legs. Increasingly I find myself not being able to take my eyes off Nick when he's dancing. So maybe that's why I noticed him making a ton of little mistakes. Sigh. Well I voted for them.

Miranda & Robert (hip hop): Not even a cool NappyTabs routine (about woodpeckers?)can make me like these two.

Clarice & Jess (Contemporary): Damn it Jess! Stop trying to make me like you with your cute quirky stick-figure orchestra drawings. These two impressed me with their execution of a fairly rote Stacey Tookey routine.

Jordan & Tadd (Viennaese Waltz): OMG, I fawking hate Jordan. But I couldn't love Tadd's OCD ass more. I want him to have a new partner. The waltz was pretty gorgeous though.

Melanie & Marko (Jazz): I just really love these two. They're so damn good. Hee hee about Marko and his romance novels. I could listen to Nigel Lythgoe say the word "Terpsechore" all day long.

Sasha & Alexander (Lyrical Hip Hop): Classic NappyTabs. Done to one of the many songs that I predicted this season would use, that P Diddy "Coming Home" track. Definitely one of the routines that they'll be dancing again at the end of the season. Great job by Alex and especially Sasha, but boy, I am not warming up to Alex at all. Thank goodness he shaved. Oh! Wouldn't it be great if Tadd and Sasha were a couple?!

Ashley & Chris (Broadway): The minute I saw Spencer Liff (HOT) in the audience with the other choreographers at the beginning of the show, I got excited about whatever he was going to create and whoever was going to perform it. Ashley and Chris rocked it out. Seriously Nigel, can we just have Spencer do all of the Broadway and stop Tyce from doing it?

Dissecting SIFF 2011 - Part 2

Continuing on with reviews and thoughts about this year's SIFF:

Young Goethe In Love  Germany - I didn't know much about Goethe before seeing this film. I knew he was a writer sometime in like the 18th century? and that his name is used by super prententious people to make others feel lame. After seeing this gorgeously shot period piece about the life and times of young Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe, I still can't say I know much about him, but boy did I enjoy the 2 hours of getting to know him a little. This film is so lush; a great romance told very sweetly with humor and pathos. Alexander Fehling who plays are hero Goethe is spectacular. I would consider buying this film if/when it gets released digitally.

Saigon Electric  Vietnam - This movie might be the standout of this year's festival for me. I had SO MUCH FUN watching this tale of disenfranchised youth in modern-day Saigon who are struggling to keep their dreams and hopes alive. It combines hip-hop dance battles and romance with a touching and sometimes sad story of poverty, alienation, loss, and loneliness. It was fresh and vibrant. After the screening I got to hang out with the American director Stephane Gauger (who is of Vietnamese descent) and he was great. This wonderful film is making the rounds of the festivals now, but it's scheduled for a wider release in the fall. See it if you can!!

The Names of Love   France - Gosh, French films can be wacky. But also so much fun. This comedic love story with a political bent was both. Sara Forestier plays Baya, a very promiscuous young political activist of mixed Algerian-French descent who is so far on the left she has made it her mission to seduce conservatives in order to convert them to her politics (see? French wackiness!). Her magic fails to work on our protagonist Arthur (played with great aplomb by Jacques Gamblin), a middle-aged Libertarian bird-flu expert she meets. The son of a French father and a Jewish mother, Arthur is, like Baya, an “outsider” in the increasingly intolerant France of Nicolas Sarkozy. Forestier and Gamblin are perfect in their roles in this intelligent and fun satire.

Salvation Boulevard   USA - This hilarious satire focuses on the evangelical movement in United States, and the hypocrisy and deceit that's often found in these religious cultures. Starring Pierce Brosnan as the pastoral leader of the Church of the Third Millenium, one of those new mega-churches with thousands of loyal followers including Carl (Greg Kinnear), an ex-Dead head pot dealer who "found the light" and a new wife and step-daughter through the church. Hijinks ensue when Brosnan's Pastor Dan accidentally shoots a philosophical rival of his and tries to put the blame on Carl. Good performances by all.

Amador  Spain - Amazing work by Magaly Solier as the lead character Marcela, a pregnant and panicked home care aide to the aging Amador. Really well paced and acted by everyone.

Love Crime  France - All About Eve meets Double Indemnity set in the high-powered competitive advertising world. So good. Kristin Scott Thomas kicks all sorts of ass (as usual) playing the powerful and rich advertising president Christine; I guess she's just exclusively doing French films now? It's disconcerting sometimes to not hear her speaking in English. Newcomer Ludivine Sagnier brings the main character of Isabelle to life and infuses her with so many different traits and personalities you don't know whether to love, hate, pity, or laugh at her. Excellent thriller.

Service Entrance  France - See what I mean about the amount of French films I saw this year? I LOVED this movie. A delightful upstairs/downstairs comedy of manners set in 1960s Paris. It should be rentable soon if you can't find it a your local art-house theater.

Killing Bono U.K. - Fun fun fun. A comedy based on Neil McCormick's true memoir about his time as a young man srtuggling to be a rockstar in late 70s Dublin. His band Yeah! Yeah! (later re-named Shook Up!), sadly, came to naught, while his rivals in The Hype changed their name to U2, and, well, the rest is history. Starring the immensely likeable Ben Barnes (Prince Caspian from The Chronicles of Narnia) as McCormick, the film depicts his constantly frustrated hopes while rubbing salt in their wounds by painting their bitter rival Bono as—annoyingly—a pretty decent guy.

Romeos  Germany - One of my top films from this year's festival. Set in Cologne, Germany, it tells the story of young transgendered man named Lukas, who is at a new university and reconnecting with an old friend of his from home when he was a "she". Lukas is also making new friends like Fabio, a gay lothario who seems so comfortable in his skin and his identity, that's like catnip to Lukas. Tensions arise as Lukas falls in love with Fabio and has to decide if and how much to reveal about his gender past. I can't tell you how moving this film was. I hope it can eventually get a wide enough distribution that a lot of people can see it.