Friday, November 22, 2013

It's That Time of Year...For what? Time for the 2013 CHEESY HOLIDAY TV MOVIE EXTRAVAGANZA

It's November! Time for me to clog my dvr up with dozens of super dumb holiday tv movies. I'm convinced that these Holiday movies are almost single-handedly keeping Canadian actors and production companies in business. They're also the only place I still get to see some of my favorite bad actresses - Daphne Zuniga, Kellie Martin, Jennie Garth, Nancy McKeon, Haylie Duff, Shelly Long, Sean's one of my main reasons that I get such a kick out of these things.

My holiday movie watching got an earlier than usual start this year because my two main sources for these cheesetastic goodies, Hallmark Channel and Lifetime, both started their "Countdown to Christmas" and "It's A Wonderful Lifetime" programming before Halloween candy had been consumed.

Lifetime has most of their Xmas movie classics in full rotation on the weekends (with notable exception - where's my "Flirting With Forty"? - easily in my top 5 holiday movies, and apparently not considered a holiday movie anymore, even though it takes place over Xmas/New Years), and Lifetime has been premiering at least one new movie every weekend since November 1; sometimes premiering two new ones in one evening.
First out of the gate was the new entry "A Country Christmas Story" starring no other than Dolly Parton! I wish I could say that it was a good movie, but I was too distracted by the fact that the young star of the movie, Desiree Ross, looks so much like Anna Paquin, if she were young and black, that it pulled my focus from the story of the girl who wishes to make it as a singer and reunite with her father.

I'm really looking forward to this week's new movie, "Kristin's Christmas Past", starring Shiri Appleby. I'm a sucker for anything that involves alums from the old tv show Roswell. Also read this description tell me it doesn't sound awesome:
falls asleep alone on Christmas Eve only to wake up and discover it’s Christmas morning 1996 and she has to relive the worst Christmas of her life! But this time, Kristin decides to do things differently to change not only her imperfect past, but also her less- than-perfect future. ‘80s icon and Golden Globe nominee JUDD NELSON returns to the screen

SOLD! Coming up in the next few weeks include holiday movies featuring Jordin Sparks, Mel B., and David Hasselhoff.
Other classic Lifetime Xmas movies that I never get tired of include: 12 Men of Christmas, Holiday Highschool Reunion, The March Sisters at Christmas, and Under The Mistletoe.

Now we move on to Hallmark Channel - the juggernaut, THE originator of the TV Holiday movie. Except for a few hours of programming in the morning, they are cramming the hundreds of holiday movies that they've produced over the decades on to the airwaves. And they repeat them a lot. Oh no! You missed the 6pm Tuesday showing of (the excellent) "Trading Christmas"? Don't worry, it's playing again on Saturday morning. And probably next week too. 
They're not trying to give up their crown anytime soon because this year, during their "Countdown to Christmas" they are debuting TWENTY-FOUR(!) new Christmas movies. Daunting. I'm going to attempt to watch all of them. Within reason; I'm not watching the one starring Tim Allen about Santa's talking dog. Well, maybe.

So far of the six that I've watched, the two best new Hallmark holiday movies have been "Snow Bride" and "The Christmas Ornament".

"Snow Bride" stars the gorgeous Katrina Law as a gossip mag reporter who drives to Big Bear, CA to try and get the scoop on the hot older son in a Kennedy-esque family who is famously guarded and possibly getting married. Her car breaks down and hijinks ensue!

"The Christmas Ornament" stars Hallmark movie stalwart, Kellie Martin as a widow who is a struggling small business owner who falls in love with a Christmas tree farmer. It is CHARMING, and one that I will definitely rewatch in years to come.

Upcoming new Xmas movies from Hallmark will feature Nicolette Sheridan (always great), Sarah Lancaster (another lady who has made at least 10 of these movies), Chyler Leigh, Alan Thicke, and The Judds.
Hallmark has WAY TOO MANY good Xmas cheese in its vaults to list here. But trust me - go to their web page, look through the archive, almost of their movies can be streamed online or viewed through your cable's On-Demand function.
This holds true for all of the channels playing holiday movies over the next couple of months.

Honorable mention has to go to ABCFamily who has just started getting into the Xmas tv movie game with their "25 Days of Christmas". But they're wasting no time trying to up the "awesome" ante by premiering "Christmas Bounty" starring none other than MTV Real World alum, and current WWE star, Mike "The Miz" Mizanin. I guess pro wrestling is like acting, so this was just the next logical step.

Can't wait. I'm going to have to take a few vacation days just to fit them all in!

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