Sunday, May 17, 2009

An open letter to J.J. Abrams

Dear JJ,

I feel like I can call you that - we go back a long time to the "Felicity" days - and I need to talk to you about something important; your Star Trek.

First, I'll start off with the things I really enjoyed. I liked the way you presented the history of the whole thing and the little nerd-loving details that were dropped in the dialog and background that hearkened back to the original series.
LOVED Spock and Uhura together. Seriously. And Zachary Quinto and Zoe Saldana actually had great chemistry.
On that note - pretty good casting choices, I don't know what the goofy fanboys had their panties twisted for. Although the Winona Ryder thing kind of seemed like it was done for shock value and not for her acting ability or resemblance to Zach Quinto. But the casting sort of brings me to the problems I had with the movie and what I wanted to talk to you about.

Again I'll start with the minor issues first.
Did you tell Anton to speak in that ridiculous accent? Even if you didn't tell him to do it, the minute he broke out his bad Yakoff Smirnoff impression shouldn't you have stopped him? It was really distracting. Also distracting? Simon Pegg's strange dye job. Can't think of why there was a need to make his already red hair darker, can you explain?
And going back to the accent thing - my man Karl Urban, it hurts me to say because I find him so hot, was overworking his DeForrest Kelly impression. Again, if you weren't telling him to do it, you sure as heck weren't discouraging him from doing it which is just as bad. But way to go in making Karl look the part of kind of femme Bones - how or why you hid all of Urban's delicious muscles that he displayed gloriously in that shite film Pathfinder, I'll never know.
This brings me to my biggest problem with your Star Trek - NO ERIC BANA NUDITY. Not only did you unnecessarily hide Eric's pretty face under makeup, prosthetics and fake tattoos, you also never showed the character Nero without his clothes off the entire movie. Not even shirtless. What gives? I'm quite sure that you could have come up with some plot device that would have allowed Bana to show some skin. It's really unforgivable.

You can make it up to me by having a Spock, Kirk, Bones shower scene in the next sequel.
Or an autographed nude photo of Matthew Fox.

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