More a$$holes I hate this week...

Is John Thain, former jack-off CEO of Merrill Lynch, a recovering burn victim orsomething? I don't see anything in his Wikipedia page that indicates as such but Gah! he's scary looking . Why is the skin on his head so plastic? And why do the planes of his face look like they've been scuplted out of silly putty?

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Gawd, people suck.

Why are people such blow-hard a$$holes?

One of the highlights of the 56th inauguration last week was the beautiful classical music piece called "Air and Simple Gifts", composed by John Williams and performed by the enchanting quartet made up of classical greats Yo-yo Ma, Itzhak Perlman, Anthony McGill, and Gabriela Montero.

I'm not kidding when I say that I got chills (the good kind, not the ones I had the other 5 hours because I was standing in one place in the freezing cold) and a little teary-eyed listening to this piece of music, and immediately made plans to purchase a recording of the piece the minute I could get to my iTunes account.

So imagine my surprise when today I read an article where pianist Gabriela Montero was defending the quartet against accusations that they were Milli Vanilli like frauds because on inauguration day they played along with a recording of them that was made the night before.

ARE YOU FAWKING KIDDING ME?!

First of all, it was 10 degrees and windy; and from what I've heard and know about instruments they don't really work that well in extreme temperatures. Did you see the little finger-less gloves Montero was wearing on her frozen ice-blue hands? And poor Itzhak and McGill looked like they could barely move their arms and hands they were so bundled up. Only Yo-yo Ma seemed even somewhat comfortable, but even he had a red wind-chapped face (which was the only thing on his body not swathed in wool). So yes, it's an issue if your piano keys are sticking and your cello strings are threatening to snap, that you might want to have a back-up, a plan B.

Most importantly, these four weren't playing to some crowd of a thousand people - there were TWO MILLION of us out there! All the microphones in the world aren't going to be able to amp enough sound out from these live instruments in order for people to hear. So yes, of course they played along with a recording. DUH!

And the quartet conveyed such beautiful emotion while playing that it's a shame that there are a bunch of blow-hards with their smelling salt all up in arms over the recording. For shame! Untwist your panties and lighten the hell up!

Damn you Heroin!

Damn you for Heroin for making me hate Steven Adler.

I grew so fond of him during this past season of Celebrity Rehab. But then you had to go and take his fragile hold on sobriety and yank it out of his hands with your crazy power.
What is it about you Heroin that makes people go so crazy over you? Jesus, look what you've done to poor Steven -

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"Smiles everyone, SMILES."

Sadly, Ricardo Montalban passed away today.

God, how I loved him as Mr. Roarke on Fantasy Island. Not to use lame vernacular, but Mr. Roarke was a dope pimp. With the accent and those white suits. He was large and in charge on that island and this character is just as interesting a mystery today as he was to me when I was eight.

Was Mr. Roarke a magician? Did he have supernatural powers like a warlock? Did he actually own/create Fantasy Island or was he truly just its caretaker? Was he really able to create all of those fantasies for the guests or was it all really an elaborate scam involving hallucinogens in the Mai Tais and Pina Coladas handed to the people when they got off the sea-planes? Who cares really.

I will say that the show (at least the first season that I have on DVD) still holds up for me, as cheesy as it is. And the biggest reason is Montalban's commitment to the character of Roarke. His portrayal isn't cheesy at all. It's all classy control with a touch of the sage sexy daddy vibe.

Ricardo my man, you will be missed. May you be happy in your big white Monte Carlo in the sky with the fine CorrrrrrDOba leather seats.

Pet Peeve - Bad weaves, extensions, wigs

I really only have a problem with unfortunate fake hair with people on tv and in the movies because I feel that these folks have an obligation because they're in the public eye to have decent fake follicles and have the money to spend to fix their appearance.

Can we talk about Food Network tv chef Sunny Anderson for a minute?

Her wig/weave(?) is SO BAD. It's distracting. I've tried to watch her show Cooking For Real several times and I've never been able to get through a whole 30 minute segment because I find myself staring at her awful hair and not to the recipe or cooking technique she's demonstrating.

The color; the texture; the weird shinyness; the way it looks like it would feel like the hair that my Miss Piggy puppet doll had. I want to write her a letter to explain my concern.

So consider this small rant my plea Sunny. You're making a name for yourself on the Food Network now, probably making a little money, how about spending it on a better weave or wig?

I mean you know it's bad when I'm not even noticing the doughnuts in this picture. Horrible hair!

That's right! Stop messin' with my man!

Louisiana law enforcement finally did something right!
Charges against actors Jeffrey Wright and my boyfriend Josh Brolin were dropped today.

This Week in Season Premieres cont'd

• Rock of Love Bus - After the last two seasons of skanks including Lacey, Daisy, and Angelique, I didn't think that they could possibly find sleazier women. I was wrong. I got 2 words for ya - TWAT SHOT. I'm going to go vomit now.

• The Bachelor - Local DILF Jason Mesnik going on the "journey" again after that fickle c-u-next Tuesday Deanna broke his heart. He's looking to make a "connection" and find his "soulmate". I keep saying that I'm never going to watch this show again but there I am watching it.

• True Beauty - 10 "beautiful" people who are really the tooliest tools that ever douched compete to see who has the most inner beauty. Gag. I couldn't get through the entire hour of this crap. That's saying something considering I did make it through the entire premier of Rock of Love Bus. You're on my SHIT LIST ABC. You got rid of Pushing Daisies for this shit?!

• The Biggest Loser - Wow, these folks...wow. Just wow.

This week in TV season premieres

This first full week of 2009 is bringing a handful of shows that promise to shake the winter blues away.

The first thing I want to talk about is last night's premiere of VH1's Confessions of a Teen Idol. I talked about how much I was looking forward to this show last week, and it did not disappoint!

Let's get the Eric Nies stuff out of the way first. He is, in a word, AWESOME on this show. For some reason I've always liked Nies, and been sympathetic towards him no matter how douchey he acted on the various seasons of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge. And these days, he's like this new-agey faux Buddhist; wearing a lot of linen and hemp clothing but not wearing shoes, growing his hair long, spraying ionized kelp water on his housemates before their tasks to "cleanse their spirits". Hee! It's hilarious; and I'm sure that if I was stuck in a house with him he would be getting on my last nerve with his pep talks and lame fake Dalai Lama crap, but it's good tv. And his burgeoning bromance with Adrian Zmed touches my cold dead heart.

As for the other participants, Billy Huffsey and Chris Atkins were kind of quiet but from the previews promise to be more interesting in the coming weeks. And who knew the biggest tools of the lot would turn out to be the two dudes from Baywatch.

Next week's ep looks great; they have a focus group with women of various ages critiquing the guys "then" and "now". Should be excellent!

Also premiering last night was "Superstars of Dance"; a kind of amalgam of So You Think You Can Dance and America's Got Talent. So far it's too much like the latter for my taste. As much as I enjoyed some of the elements, I don't know if I'll stick with it for the long haul.

Good things about it:

• Pasha and Anya(!!!!) from SYTYCD. I actually squealed (alarming the cat and dog) when they were introduced.
• Getting to see awesome popper Robert Muraine again
  
• Seeing the Shaolin monks incredible routine

Bad things about the show:

• Michael Flatley as host
• The confusing rules/scoring/judging
• Michael Flatley

One of my favorite things so far in 2009

This moment from the reunion show for "Rock of Love: Charm School":

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What the H - E - double hockey sticks has happened to Hal Sparks?

Have you seen the actor/"comedian" Hal Sparks lately? He used to be so cute, in that next door neighbor, your friend's brother kind of way.

See exhibit A:

But today I was watching one of those countdown shows that VH-1 seems to do so often, you know, something like the "100 Greatest Songs about Food" or whatever and the ubiquitous Hal Sparks of course was one of the panelists providing commentary and OH. MY. GOD. What the fawk happened to him?

His hair?! It's long. And stringy, yet flyaway. And greasy, yet frizzy. And he has a soul patch. And strange wrinkles. And geezus, he's only a little bit older than me. Duuuuuuuuuuude.

He looks like this now - Exhibit B:

And besides the occasional stupid VH-1 gig, what has he been up to lately? Any real jobs? You know, something besides awful reality shows like "Celebrity Douchebag Magician" or "Celebrity Cruise Ship Singer"?

Hmmm...IMDB says that he did a kid's cartoon this past year called Tak & The Power of Juju. Sounds humiliating. Hal babe? It's the hair. I'm telling you. Cut it and lose the crap on your face too (and possibly fire your agent) and you'll be back in the game in no time.

I'm begging you. Do it for the children. Won't someone think of the children?!

My Top 10 List for Music in 2008

2008 was the year that I really started having a love affair with my iPod. I know, I'm like years behind everyone else on this; I've had an iPod for a long time (and just got a brand new pretty purple Nano for Xmas - thanks Dad!) but this year I actually took it almost everywhere I went, listening to music and podcasts all the time. At work, walking the dog, cleaning the house, packing, on the plane, in my hotel rooms etc etc, my iPod was always close at hand.

Anyway, to that end, on this first day of 2009, I've made a list of the top 10 musical experiences for me in 2008. I say experiences because this top 10 isn't just songs or albums from this year - it's a mixed bag of a bunch of stuff. Enjoy!

Honorable Mention - The album "Black & Gold" by Sam Sparro. This young Australian kid is a genius.

10. "I Will Possess Your Heart", Death Cab For Cutie from their latest album Narrow Stairs
I usually try to avoid all bands that 20 yr old annoying college students and faux-hipsters like but dammit if this single wasn't fawking awesome. Do yourself a favor and listen to the 8 min album cut not the radio edit.

9. The album Sounds Like This but especially the track "Rock and Roll", by Eric Hutchinson
I kept on hearing the really catchy "Rock and Roll" on one of the local Seattle radio stations and then checked on Hutchinson's whole album on iTunes. I liked it so much that I downloaded it and have been listening to it ever since.

8. "Worrisome Heart", by Melody Gardot
I got the title track off the album of the same name by this young chanteuse from Philadelphia as a free iTunes track in the Spring of 2008. I immediately fell in love with the song and listened to it all the time but was always getting Gardot confused with other young lady singers new on the scene like Duffy and Adele. Then I went ahead and bought this whole album. I won't be mistaking Melody Gardot's voice, which has been described as a cross between Billie Holiday's and Tom Waits, for anyone else's again.

7. "Viva La Vida" - Coldplay
I fell for this song like many from the onslaught of iTunes commercials this summer. I've never been a huge Coldplay fan, but this song is so damn catchy it was irresistible.

6. "No Air" - Jordin Sparks w/ Chris Brown
From the very first time I heard this duet I LOVED IT. It's endearingly overdramatic and filled with just the right amount of teen angst. And then it was used to perfection in the first competition dance for Joshua and Katee in this season of "So You Think You Can Dance", cementing it's place in my top 10.

5. "American Boy", by Estelle
I danced around to this song so much when I was in Mexico in late July. It's so fun and funky. I mean I even got it as a ring tone for my phone which was the first time I've ever done anything like that.

4. The Monroes's "What Do All The People Know"

Yes, I know this song is from 1982. But I was reintroduced to its fabulousness this 4th of July and I've become obsessed with finding a MP3 of it. For now, the YouTube video will do.

3. Brandi Carlile's voice on "The Heartache Can Wait" and "Already Home"
Brandi's album "The Story" was probably one of my favorite things of 2007. This year I've fell in love with her voice specifically in 2 songs put out this year. The first was the duet "Already Home" she did with the country duo Ha-Ash. And then recently, the holiday song "Heartache" was released and Brandi's alto voice is so heartbreakingly beautiful that it's quickly become one of my all-time favorite holiday songs.

2. We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things, by Jason Mraz
The best album released this year. Period.

1. Sparkling Choir of Love's performance of "North Port" at the 2008 Seattle Folklife festival
Okay, this is really more than a little self-indulgent, but my choir's performance at the Folklife festival in May of this Shaker shape-note piece was f*cking amazing. I got chills singing it and after our last auditorium-shaking note was sung there was an audible gasp of joy that came from the stunned audience before their thunderous applause and standing ovation. Yes. We rock.